


save your love

by zouisau



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Drinking, Established Relationship, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Minor Do Kyungsoo | D.O/Kim Jongin | Kai, Minor Kim Jongin | Kai/Oh Sehun, Oh Sehun-centric, Past Byun Baekhyun/Kim Junmyeon | Suho, Polyamory, Threesome - M/M/M, a little bit of, a lot of just figuring out feelings, this is myeonsechan with a lot of focus on sechan and seho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2020-08-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:55:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 42,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26118367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zouisau/pseuds/zouisau
Summary: Sehun comes back to Seoul to find that his two best friends, Junmyeon and Chanyeol, are together. Sehun doesn't know how to confront the not-quite jealousy that sits in his chest. All he knows is that the feelings he had for Junmyeon haven't faded, and the dull ache he felt for Chanyeol is still there. He doesn't know how to tell them. He works on it though.
Relationships: Kim Junmyeon | Suho/Oh Sehun, Kim Junmyeon | Suho/Oh Sehun/Park Chanyeol, Kim Junmyeon | Suho/Park Chanyeol, Oh Sehun/Park Chanyeol
Comments: 25
Kudos: 108





	save your love

**Author's Note:**

> we all need a little myeonsechan in our lives
> 
> this was completely self-indulgent, i just really love myeonsechan.
> 
> i've worked on this for months and it's been the longest thing i've ever written i think.. also editing the format on this was a bit of a nightmare but i think i got it ;;  
> it kinda got away from me length-wise.. but i really really hope you enjoy it and i hope i did the characters/story some justice

Sehun’s first day back in Seoul is uncharacteristically windy.

The windiness of the city had been nice surprise. It had felt a bit more real as the plane had circled the sky, a little turbulence greeting the passengers. It was like Seoul (or more specifically Incheon) was greeting Sehun enthusiastically.

The list of people that knew Sehun was coming back was short: his parents, his brother, Jongin (if he wanted to have an apartment to go back to), Minseok, and Yixing. He wasn’t sure what he would feel after being away for so long and he hadn’t been the best about staying in touch generally. But being back, touching land and looking out the plane window had brought back a mixed bag of emotions. Korea would always be home, but Sehun hadn’t felt that draw to it that he had always associated with home for a while.

He also wasn’t sure anyone actually believed him when he said he was coming back. His parents had called him yesterday to make sure he wasn’t extending his trip for the third time.

He couldn’t blame them though. Sehun had extended his trip through the summer, even after reserving tickets home. Pushing his return later and later, prolonging the inevitable.

He had come back to Seoul just a few weeks before the new start of the school year. Jongin had told him his room was empty though a single text.

**Jongin** :  _ fake roommate left J here whenever u need it !! but also send me the rent or else _

Yixing and Minseok had both sent him excited messages, and promises to meet up and get dinner as soon as possible.

__

It wasn’t that Sehun hadn’t missed Seoul—he had, in a way—but being so far away for so long had jumbled his thoughts. The idea of going back to Seoul had disoriented him, and so he had kept pushing it back, constantly calling his parents to announce he was staying  _ “just one more week, I promise,” _ only to call again at the end of the week and say the same thing.

He wanted to see his friends—ached to see Junmyeon and Chanyeol and even Baekhyun—but being away for so long had made him feel a bit at odds. He didn’t know where he fit in anymore, wasn’t sure he could fall back so easily into the Sehun he’d been before. But then again, wasn’t it so cliché to say that studying abroad had  _ changed _ him. 

He hadn’t been the greatest at keeping in touch. At first it had been the thrill of being so far from home in a new country by himself. He had vowed to renew himself and he had ached for that new beginning.

Then it had been trying to adjust to classes and to his internship. Then it had just been one thing after another. Assignments, and midterms, and trips he took. He always tried to reach out—calling home at least once a week. But his schedule hadn’t always worked out with his friends and sometimes he’d send a picture or a message only to get a response hours later when the thought was forgotten. It hadn’t been purposeful, but it had happened.

The longer he stayed in Canada, and the more the distance felt like purposeful silence, the more he kept doubting whether he had friends to go back to. He had typed messages,  _ Baek I’ll be back soon  _ and  _ yeollie think u can pick me up from the airport?  _ and  _ miss u  _ but hadn’t felt brave enough to send any of them. So he hadn’t.

Sehun felt bad. He knew it was his fault. Things had started changing before he left, and his leaving—he took it as an opportunity to create distance for himself. He just hadn’t realized how much.

Baekhyun had tried reaching out a lot in the beginning, spamming Sehun’s phone until it had all fizzled out. Jongin wasn’t the most consistent communicator even when they had been living under the same roof, and so it hadn’t been surprising that their communication had been sporadic and short.

And then there was Chanyeol and Junmyeon. Both had reached out consistently, but it had been hard on Sehun being so far away. Their group chat had slowly died, and their personal messages were fewer and farther apart. More stilted.

He thought the space was what he had wanted, had accepted the school’s offer and the proposed internship partly because of the distance. It made something like guilt bubble up inside Sehun, he had applied for the position in a fit of rage, and when he had accepted it had been through a new resolve.

Sehun had done gone to Canada for himself and being back after a year was giving him vertigo. Places that looked familiar now looked foreign. He tried to shake those thoughts from his head, pressing his forehead against the window of his brother’s car. The late afternoon sunlight was making his head hurt, that and being on a long flight cramped in a small seat for so many hours.

He thought about maybe texting Junmyeon or Chanyeol. The thought of doing so only made his head pound more. He squeezed his eyes shut. Maybe should have told them that he was coming, he couldn’t really just spring it up now, when he was already here. But then what was he supposed to do? Just never tell them?

Texting Baekhyun felt like the safer option, but Sehun didn’t have the energy to keep up a conversation, to try to explain why he was back so suddenly. He slid down in his seat a bit, wishing he could just teleport to his parents’ home and crawl into his childhood bed.

He thought of Chanyeol’s bouncy hair and his big smile. When he had left his feelings for Chanyeol felt heavy to him. Now they were just a weird, dull ache in his chest. The time spent apart had been good, maybe the silence had been worth it.

When he had accepted the position it had a little to do with Chanyeol. Although Sehun didn’t love to admit that, even to himself, wanted to frame Canada as being something he did for his own growth, and not because he was running away like a dog with its tail between its legs. 

He had always had a bit of a crush on Chanyeol, had followed him around like a lost puppy when they’d first met. He was always on the fringe of whatever Chanyeol was doing. He hadn’t thought he was annoying (he hardly talked, his shyness overtaking him, so he just hadn’t thought it bothered Chanyeol). But then Chanyeol had snapped at him, had asked him why he always followed him around. Sehun had burst into tears, hadn’t understood why Chanyeol was so mean to him. ‘ _ You’re my best friend, hyung _ ’ he had said. He was still young, painfully shy. It was years ago, before college.

Chanyeol hadn’t known what to do then with Sehun’s tears, and Junmyeon—sweet, sweet Junmyeon had hugged Sehun and scolded Chanyeol,  _ ‘You’re being mean, Chanyeollie. Sehunnie is just trying to be your friend _ .’

Sehun had always told Junmyeon that was the moment he knew Junmyeon was his best friend. Chanyeol always looked broken when anyone brought that up, but Sehun didn’t hold it over him, ‘ _ I probably was being annoying, huh.’ _

__

_ ‘You were fourteen, I was just an asshole. _ ’ Chanyeol always said.

But now he wasn’t sure where he stood with either man. He hadn’t exchanged a message with Chanyeol in months.

He had talked to Junmyeon more recently. If Chanyeol was the reason Sehun had accepted the offer, then Junmyeon had been the catalyst for why he had applied. The feelings he had felt for Chanyeol were duller now, like he was holding on to something from long ago. But the he way he felt for Junmyeon had overwhelmed him then, and felt just as all-consuming now, especially being back. It made Sehun a bit dizzy.

Almost as if he were reading Sehun’s thoughts, Sehun’s brother asks, “How’s Junmyeon? When are you all getting together?”

“Getting together?” The question makes Sehun feel disoriented. He opens his eyes, forehead still pressed to the cool window and blinks as they readjust to the sunlight.

“Dinner, drinks?” Sehun’s brother laughs. “The whole gang back together again? Don’t tell me Canada has made you boring.”

“I’ve always been boring,” Sehun jokes. Sehun can’t actually remember if his brother had met anyone else other than Chanyeol, Junmyeon, and Jongin, so he figures he’s referring to them. He doesn’t know how to explain though that he’s not sure where any of his friendships fall now, after so much time.

Minseok and Yixing had always been his hyungs, Minseok had sent him periodic and lengthy e-mails to let him know of everything going on (well, mostly), and Yixing had communicated mostly through pictures—although that was the same whether he was in Seoul or Canada.

His brother smiles, glancing at Sehun from where he’s sitting in the driver’s seat.

“I actually,” Sehun starts, he isn’t sure how to phrase it in a way that would seem casual, non-concerning. “I haven’t really told anyone I’m back. I mean, just Jongin kinda. I don’t know if he’s told the others.” Knowing Jongin he probably hadn’t. “Minseok and Yixing, I don’t know if you’ve met them, but they know. I haven’t really brought it up otherwise though.”

“Really?” His brother’s tone is neutral. His expression clear and focused, doesn’t tell Sehun whether the names even sound familiar.

Sehun rests his head against the window again. “I just, I don’t know. It’s been a long time.”

“But Junmyeon? Chanyeol? You are all still friends right? Did something happen?”

Sehun shrugs non-committedly even though his brother is looking straight ahead, eyes on the road. “Nothing happened. I’ll probably text them tonight, see what’s up. Wanna rest first.”

_____

He did end up texting them that night, sitting in his childhood bedroom. He had texted Jongin earlier, spurred by his brother, “ _ You should check that your room is actually empty and Jongin hasn’t burned down the whole place _ .” Then he had felt a bit energized and had had e-mailed Minseok a cheeky subject line stating ‘ _ Weekly Report – Back in Seoul!’  _ with a short message asking to meet up soon. He knew he could text, but thought the e-mail was cuter, more of a surprise. Plus, there was something reassuring about knowing he wouldn’t receive anything back until tomorrow when Minseok checked his e-mail.

Then as if he was on a roll, he had snapped a picture of the city passing by, had sent it to Yixing.

He could have said something more. But it was easier to fall into the same routines, to send an e-mail with a kitchy subject line and a picture that didn’t really mean anything. A tentative olive branch of sorts.

His energy ran out though when he thought of texting anyone else. Thought about reaching out to Chanyeol, to Junmyeon, instead he had turned off his phone and settled for the rest of the drive.

But now, he knew he couldn’t—shouldn’t—avoid it any longer, and texted Baekhyun first, hoping that some of his nerves could settle a bit. They were his friends, there was no reason to feel this nervous about reaching out, but Sehun felt so  _ guilty _ , felt like a bad friend even though he hadn’t meant to be. He had just needed the space, the distance, to address his own feelings, figure himself out. But he didn’t know how to say that—how to explain that without letting everyone know he was in love with his best friend and that overwhelmed him.

**Sehun** 9:04pm:  _ Hey, it’s Sehun. I’m back _

**Sehun** 9:04pm:  _ Or whatever _

__

**Baekhyun** 9:08pm:  _ I have ur number saved asshole _

**Baekhyun** 9:08pm: ‘ _ or whatever’ _

**Baekhyun** 9:09pm:  _ why didn’t u tell anyone u were coming back?????? Hello??? _

**Baekhyun** 9:09pm:  _ could have gotten properly wasted tonight if u were a little more thoughtful _

Sehun stares at his phone, not sure how to reply to Baekhyun’s messages. Before he can say anything a new one comes through.

**Baekhyun** 9:11pm:  _ Sehunnie we all missed you so much _

**Baekhyun** 9:11pm:  _ I’m so glad you’re back. _

__

The touch of sincerity makes Sehun’s throat feel tighter, a lump forming.

__

**Sehun** 9:12pm:  _ it wasn’t even that long don’t be dramatic _

**Sehun** 9:12pm:  _ I missed u guys too _

__

**Baekhyun** 9:13pm:  _ why didn’t u tell me u were coming back???? _

**Baekhyun** 9:14pm:  _ Did u tell soo? Chanyeol? _

__

**Sehun** 9:17pm:  _ yixing n minnie knew n jongin – had to make sure I had an apt to come back to haha _

**Sehun** 9:18pm:  _ he didn’t say? _

__

To be fair, none of them had known  _ when _ .

__

**Baekhyun** 9:21pm:  _ pretty sure jongin doesn’t even remember his own name sometimes _

**Baekhyun** 9:22pm:  _ junmyeon? _

__

**Sehun** 9:28pm:  _????? _

__

**Baekhyun** 9:29pm:  _ did he know? _

**Baekhyun** 9:29pm:  _ i swear if he did and that fucking traitor didn’t say anything _

**Baekhyun** 9:30pm:  _ its like he cant keep a secret ever but now he can??? _

__

**Sehun** 9:33pm:  _ he didn’t know _

**Sehun** 9:33pm:  _ I haven’t texted him yet _

**Sehun** 9:35pm:  _ I will though _

**Sehun** 9:36pm:  _ ur the first.. feel special J _

__

Sehun wanted to get far away from this line of questioning.

**Baekhyun** 9:39pm:  _ u really know how to woo a guy _

**Baekhyun** 9:39pm:  _ let’s get drinks soon yes? _

__

**Sehun** 9:41pm:  _ sure hyung _

Sehun hesitates a bit before writing to Junmyeon. Baekhyun was easy, it’s Baekhyun. Even with the silence between them, the unspoken questions, Baekhyun always made things easy.

__

**Sehun** 10:11pm:  _ hey hyung are you up? _

__

He starts about his room, getting ready for bed and ignoring where his phone lays on his nightstand, face down. It’s not until he’s settled deep into the mattress and under the covers that he reaches for his phone again.

There’s a message from Junmyeon from fifteen minutes ago.

**Junmyeon** 10:21pm:  _ hi Sehunnie yes, working on some things… _

**Junmyeon** 10:23pm:  _ haven’t heard from you in a while. What time is it over there? Are you still having classes? _

__

Sehun hesitates again, staring at Junmyeon’s words.

**Sehun** 10:45pm:  _ I’m here actually I’m back in Seoul _

__

**Junmyeon** 10:50pm:  _? _

**Junmyeon** 10:50pm:  _ can I call you? _

__

Almost immediately his phone starts ringing. A picture of Sehun and Junmyeon popping up on his screen. Sehun has his arms wrapped around Junmyeon and Junmyeon’s whole face is scrunched up, they’re at a bar somewhere, their faces flushed. Chanyeol had taken it. Sehun thinks maybe he should change it.

“Sehun!” Junmyeon’s voice is tiny through the speaker.

Sehun settles further into the mattress, Junmyeon’s warm voice enveloping him. “Hi, hyung.”

“When did you get back? Why didn’t you tell me? I missed you. I’m so glad you’re back.”

“I missed you too, hyung.”

“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming back? I would have picked you up at the airport!”

“My brother did. It’s okay.” Hearing Junmyeon’s voice after so long feels so right. Talking to him like this feels so right.

“Where are you right now? Are you at Jongin’s? In your apartment?”

Sehun lets out a breathy laugh, “Are you going to come over?”

“Can I?”

Junmyeon almost sounds hopeful and Sehun’s stomach twist, something pulling at his heart. He pushes it down. “I’m with my parents.”

“Ah,” Junmyeon’s quiet for a moment, and then softly, “When can I see you?”

Sehun is about to answer, thinking of asking to Junmyeon to come over anyway. They could cuddle in his childhood bed like old times. He knows he shouldn’t but it’s right there on the tip of his tongue.

But then there’s Chanyeol’s sleepy voice, infinitely smaller and further away but still rough and deep as he comes through Sehun’s phone, “Who are you talking to? You woke me up.” His tone is whiny in the way Sehun remembers Chanyeol’s voice is always when he’s just waking up.

“Sehunnie.” Junmyeon answers and Sehun’s stomach drops. Of course he can’t ask Junmyeon to come over.

“Sehunnie?”

“He’s back.” If Sehun didn’t know better he would say Junmyeon almost sounded a bit annoyed. “Go to sleep you big baby.” There’s no bite to the words then, just teasing and fondness.

“Wait, he’s back?” Chanyeol says and then much louder, directly into the phone. There’s a bit of a scuffle, as Junmyeon whines for Chanyeol to return the phone. But then there’s Chanyeol’s breathy voice over the speaker, loud and clear, and Sehun wishes he could be in the same room. Wasn’t sure how much he had truly missed his best friends until that moment, he could practically hear his own heart breaking. “Sehun? Hello. You’re in Seoul?” The dullness in his chest aches.

“Hi, Yeollie.” His own voice is soft.

“Is this a joke, are you really back in Seoul?” Chanyeol sounds wide awake now, rushing his words. “Wait a second.” And then there’s a video call coming in, Junmyeon’s contact appearing.

“I’m in bed, hyung.” Sehun whines, even as he reaches over to turn on the lamp on his nightstand.

“Just answer or else you’re lying,” Chanyeol says.

“Chanyeol,” Junmyeon scolds softly, his voice muffled. “Stop, let Sehun rest.”

Sehun answers then, Chanyeol’s face too close to the screen. “Back up at least.”

“Are you really back? Why didn’t you say anything? Let me see.” Chanyeol demands.

“See what?” Sehun asks. Chanyeol looks exactly the same. Fluffy black hair, big eyes, big ears, bright smile. He looks sleepy, his face a bit dull and hair messier than usual.

“Your room, where are you?”

“I’m home,” Sehun says, flipping the camera on his phone and giving a quick pan of his childhood bedroom before flipping it back on himself. “See, I’m back.”

“Wait, let me see.” And then there’s Junmyeon. Sehun feels the wind knock out of him a bit and he clears his throat, smiling slightly. He feels a bit exposed, seeing Junmyeon after not seeing him for months. He thinks maybe all he feels for Junmyeon is written clearly on his face, is always surprised that no one else can tell just how much love he feels for his best friend. He swallows a bit roughly, trying not to think too much about his own feelings. He wants this to be different. Doesn’t want to feel the need to run away again.

And then Chanyeol is crowding into the screen too, “Let’s get drinks!”

“Chanyeol,” Junmyeon mutters, his eyes on Sehun, taking him in.

“Not now, obviously. Later! Tomorrow! When do you move back with Jongin? Jun and I will help.”

“Don’t volunteer me for stuff.”

“So you won’t help, hyung?” Sehun pouts a little.

Junmyeon’s whole face goes soft, “Of course I’ll help.”

“When can we see you? Let’s get breakfast.” Chanyeol says.

“That’s too many plans, Chanyeol.” Junmyeon says, pushing Chanyeol slightly out of frame and smiling brightly at Sehun. “When do you wanna see us, Sehun? We’d love to see you.”

Chanyeol comes back into frame looking a bit like a hurt puppy but still eager.

Sehun pretends that the  _ ‘us’ _ and the  _ ‘we’ _ don’t matter.

“I’m staying here for a bit before moving back with Jongin. I’m going to go see him—well, the apartment—tomorrow. Make sure he hasn’t made any irreparable damage. We can maybe grab lunch?” His stomach flips at the thought of seeing them so soon. He wishes he could reach through the screen, mess up Chanyeol’s hair more, take Junmyeon’s hand in his.

“We’ll come with! To Jongin’s!”

“Chanyeol,” Junmyeon says, and then to Sehun, “Lunch. Text, okay? And rest.”

“Goodnight, Hunie.” Chanyeol says, smiling.

“Goodnight.”

_____

Texting Junmyeon the next day is a lot less nerve-wrecking. Somehow Junmyeon manages to calm Sehun down even when Junmyeon is the center of his anxieties. They agree to meet at a café near Sehun’s apartment. A place they had frequented before Sehun had left, and Sehun wonders if Junmyeon had suggested it because he still frequents it or because it’s familiar for Sehun.

Sehun brings Jongin along. Knows he’s being a bit cowardly using his roommate as a buffer, but as much as he wants to see Chanyeol and Junmyeon he isn’t sure he could see them together in person by himself. Plus, Jongin seems happy to tag along.  _ “Haven’t seen Chanyeol hyung and Junmyeon hyung in ages _ .”

The café is spacious, industrial-style decoration inside with floor to ceiling windows, it feels instantly familiar to Sehun. Chanyeol is sitting at a table in the back, an iced coffee sitting next to his computer. He has on headphones.

Jongin drags Sehun over, “Hi hyung.” He drops down across from Chanyeol and then looks up to Sehun, “Can you just get me a latte for now?”

“What?” Sehun feels a bit out of it. He doesn’t know what Jongin’s saying, and seeing Chanyeol in front of him for the first time in a year is making him feel disoriented.

“It’s your treat because I came with you.” Jongin says. “A latte, please.”

Sehun scowls.

“Stop being a brat.” Chanyeol says. “Get your own drink. He didn’t come all the way from Canada just to buy you a drink.”

It’s Jongin’s turn to scowl then, getting off his seat like his body is weighed down with bricks. “Only because I feel like being nice today. What do you want to drink? On me just this once.”

“Hell must be freezing over,” Chanyeol rolls his eyes and closes his laptop.

“Americano, please.” Sehun says, sitting down next to where Jongin had just been, diagonal from Chanyeol.

Jongin slinks off and Chanyeol smiles softly at Sehun. He stands up and gives a still sitting Sehun a hug. “He’s a big baby,” Chanyeol says, letting Sehun go. “Miss you Sehunnie.”

“Miss you too.” Sehun smiles warmly at Chanyeol as he sits back down, glancing to where where Jongin is talking to the barista. “Were you doing work?”

Chanyeol takes a sip of his drink, “Yeah.” He looks excited, eyes shiny. “Been working on this song for me actually. Nothing concrete really, just working off this feeling.”

“Off a feeling?” Sehun asks.

Chanyeol nods, his eyes are bright and excited and Sehun has missed him  _ so damn much _ . “We went camping? A few weeks ago now, and I’ve been trying to create something that kinda goes with that trip? It was just something about being out of Seoul after so long and you know, just the peacefulness and quietness.” Chanyeol looks a bit shy and Sehun considers the ‘we.’ Chanyeol shrugs then, “It’s just a different way of producing for me—going in with more of a set purpose rather than just finding what sounds good, if that makes any sense.” He looks a bit sheepish. “I’m just trying to see if anything comes out of it.”

“I get what you mean, hyung. It sounds great, really.” Sehun smiles softly. “You went camping? Didn’t know you were so outdoorsy all of a sudden.”

Chanyeol nods shyly, “Not outdoorsy all of a sudden, just Junmyeon wanted and… Yeah camping.”

“Where is Junmyeon anyway?” Jongin says coming back and sliding Sehun his drink.

“He should be here soon,” Chanyeol checks his phone. “How have you been Sehunnie?”

Sehun smiles, taking a sip of his drink. “Good, glad to be back.” He means it, being here with Chanyeol feels right.

“Why didn’t you let any of us know?” Chanyeol sounds a bit disappointed, but he looks down at his drink, moving his straw around sullenly.

“He told me,” Jongin pipes up.

Chanyeol frowns, looking at Jongin, “You don’t count. I was talking about me and Junmyeon.”

“Well then you should have said that.” Jongin points out.

Sehun shrugs, “I don’t know. Didn’t wanna make a big deal of it, I guess. I’m glad I’m here now though.” He doesn’t want to think about anything else but being here.

“When Jun told me, well when you and him were talking, I genuinely thought you were lying.”

“I’m not a liar,” Sehun teases.

“I know,” Chanyeol sounds a bit affronted. “You just hadn’t said anything.”

Sehun laughs a bit, “I’m just teasing. Why were you at Junmyeon hyung’s anyway? Has it gotten that serious that you’re  _ sleeping over _ now?” He doesn’t know why he’s asking. He knows. He already knows how serious it is, and the  _ camping trip _ and  _ working off a feeling to produce a song  _ are big enough indicators for Sehun to catch on even if he hadn’t known already. He hopes his tone doesn’t betray any of the weirdness he’s feeling in his chest, hopes it strikes just the right balance of curious and teasing.

“Huh?” Chanyeol looks a bit confused.

“They live together,” Jongin clarifies. “What do you mean?”

“You live together?” Sehun suddenly feels like everything is off, the weirdness in chest intensifying. “It’s like, serious-serious? Like together, together?”

_ He knew. He knew. He knew. _ He tries to remind himself. He already knew all of this—that it was serious—but moving in together. He didn’t know that. He had thought maybe it was just hooking up, casually dating even. But living together was another thing.

“It’s new,” Chanyeol says, his tone a bit defensive. His eyes raking over Sehun’s face, and Sehun knows his face is neutral, impassive, but that perhaps his silence was too long.

“That’s great hyung.” Sehun feels the lump in his throat, wonders if the time away had done anything at all to minimize any feelings. He had felt so hopeful earlier. “When did this happen?”

“Maybe two weeks? Thought it was time to get out of my sister’s place…” Chanyeol shrugs but looks away.

“I meant, how long, you and Junmyeon?” Sehun doesn’t know exactly how to phrase it.

“Oh,” Chanyeol looks up then, scrunching his face a bit, “I’m not sure… six months or so?”

Six months is so long. Half the time he had been away.

Jongin nods along.

“Right,” Sehun nods. “Jongin had mentioned… I just didn’t know it was, you know, serious.”

“We’re taking it easy,” Chanyeol says, he still seems a bit defensive and Sehun tries to calm his expression and tone to something more neutral. Sehun wants to snap though, moving in together isn’t taking it easy.

“I’m happy for both of you, hyung.” Sehun tries to mean it, kinda.

“Speak of the devil,” Jongin says, just as Junmyeon strolls in.

Even though Sehun had just seen him yesterday, pixels on his phone don’t do Junmyeon justice. He feels his breath catch for a moment, and he lifts his drink, fingers shaking as he takes a sip of his Americano and watches Junmyeon come in.

Junmyeon looks a bit frazzled, dressed casually in jeans and a hoodie. He has on a backpack and his glasses. His hair is longer than what Sehun is used to and Sehun thinks of running his fingers through it, hugging him tightly.

“Hyung!” Jongin calls, ignoring the looks the other clients shoot him.

Junmyeon spots them then and his whole body visibly relaxes, he bounds over. “I’m so sorry I’m late,” and then Sehun is wrapping him up in a hug and Junmyeon is melting into him, squeezing him tightly. “Sehunnie,” his voice is soft.

“Missed you Junmyeon.” He feels a burning behind his eyes.

“Missed you more.” Junmyeon mumbles into Sehun’s chest, squeezing one time before letting him go.

Sehun is surprised to see that Junmyeon’s own eyes are watery, but then Junmyeon is hitting him playfully. “Next time you decide to surprise us like this don’t.”

“I won’t, hyung.” Sehun chokes out, thinks he probably could have answered jokingly that Junmyeon didn’t want to see him, but his tone is sincere. He clears his throat a bit and takes his seat again as Junmyeon slides next to Chanyeol. Sehun doesn’t miss the way Junmyeon squeezes Chanyeol’s upper arm in a soft greeting.

“Did I make you guys wait long? I’m really sorry, I lost track of time, and there was,” Junmyeon shakes his head a bit. “No excuses, I hope you weren’t waiting long.”

“I was basically turning into a mummy,” Jongin teases.

Chanyeol rolls his eyes at Jongin. “Want me to get you a drink?” He’s looking at Junmyeon with wide eyes. Sehun thinks he looks a bit lovestruck, fondness and a soft smile. 

“Green tea?” Junmyeon looks up hopefully and Sehun looks away.

Chanyeol goes off and Junmyeon’s gaze is back on Sehun, staring intently.

“Feels a bit like I’m dreaming to be honest. Haven’t seen you in so long, Sehunnie.”

Sehun suddenly wishes that Jongin and Chanyeol weren’t there. That it was just him and Junmyeon. Just Junmyeon and him.

“I’m happy to be back,” Sehun says quietly.

“I’m so happy you’re back too.” Junmyeon smiles softly.

_____

Sehun slowly adjusts to Seoul. Everything still feels a bit off, like returning to an apartment where everything had been moved two centimeters to the left. A bit disorienting but hard to place a finger on exactly what the problem was.

Sehun moves back in with Jongin. Classes start back up again and it’s easy to fall back into the student role. He had managed to land an internship at a lab where both Jongdae and Minseok worked (truthfully thanks to Minseok and his University advisor). Minseok worked in a different department doing cell research, but Jongdae worked in the same department as him and sometimes Sehun got to do some research on the projects he was working on. Having a lifeline there was helpful, seeing a familiar and friendly face semi-regularly brought a sense of normalcy to everything.

The work was also familiar, similar to what he had been doing in Canada—doing research and assisting on projects for the different scientists. His routine was simple—go to class or to his internship, do homework, go to bed, and repeat.

It was nice to be back, despite that itch that something was off that kept disorienting him.

The weeks pass by quickly, quicker than they had in Canada and Sehun feels endlessly busy. He’s in his last year and balancing everything keeps him constantly on the move. It’s not until he’s walking home from a long day at the lab (some of the tests they’d done hadn’t panned out the way the research had shown) that he realizes it’s close to winter and he’d been back for longer than it felt.

His light denim jacket isn’t near thick enough to stop the chill of the early evening, and Sehun digs his hands deep into his pockets, hurrying his steps.

“Sehun!” A familiar voice calls, just as Sehun crosses the intersection, his apartment building up ahead. He slows down, turning. Jongin is coming from down the street, dressed much more appropriately for the weather. Even with the darkness setting in Sehun can see the way his eyes shine. “Why are you running?” Jongin catches up.

“I wasn’t running.” Sehun says, “It’s cold.”

Jongin laughs once, “Wanna go get drinks with Baek and Chan? Think Soo might join too. I was just going home to change.”

They reach the building and go inside. Sehun feels like he’s thawing, feeling returning to his fingers. He stretches them experimentally, the numbing sensation subsiding slightly.

“I don’t know, I had a long day.”

“It’s Friday,” Jongin whines as they make their way upstairs.

“Why are you changing anyway?” Jongin was dressed casually but appropriate enough to go out. Sehun feels a bit like he’d just come from the sewers, the smell of chemicals sticking to his skin and clothes.

Jongin shrugs, avoiding Sehun’s eyes. “Wanna look good.”

Sehun rolls his eyes, “Are you trying to get some? You already look good.”

“You flatter me,” Jongin laughs. His expression turns serious as they reach their door, he frowns a bit as he unlocks the door, pushing in and toeing off his shoes. “Can you keep a secret?”

Sehun smiles a little, not sure where Jongin is going, “Are you finally admitting you have a crush on me?”

“No,” Jongin snaps, but his expression turns somber. “Not you. Soo.”

“Soo?”

“I have a little crush on Kyungsoo. But just a little one.” Jongin brings his index finger and thumb together to show how little.

“Since when?” Sehun frowns a bit, tries to think of the last time he’s hung out with both Kyungsoo and Jongin.

Jongin shrugs, looking sheepish. “It’s just a crush, it’s not like serious or anything.”

Sehun narrows his eyes, trying to read Jongin’s expression but Jongin’s face is completely neutral as he looks at his socked feet. “But…,” he’s unsure of what to say. “You wanna look good for him?” His tone comes out a bit accusatory.

“I mean, don’t sound so jealous, you’re still my favorite hook-up, but sometimes I gotta expand my tastes you know.”

Sehun tries not to blush at Jongin’s words. They had hooked up fairly often before he had gone to Canada, but they hadn’t so much as seen each other naked since Sehun had come back. “Oh. So it’s like you wanna fuck him?” His words are a bit harsher than they usually would but he feels embarrassed.

“Do you wanna come out or not?” Jongin ignores him, moving towards his room and throwing his coat on the couch as he goes.

Sehun considers it briefly, but the lead he feels in his bones is enough of an indication that he shouldn’t. He can almost imagine the way the night would pan out; knows he isn’t in the right state of mind.

“I shouldn’t,” Sehun hesitates a bit, looking into Jongin’s room where Jongin’s flicking through his clothes. “You have fun though, get your man.”

Jongin throws him a middle finger. “Fuck you.”

Sehun laughs heading to his room, dropping off his backpack by his door and flopping on to his bed. He knows he should get up, eat something and shower before temptation is too much and he gets too lazy to do much of anything.

His phone buzzes and Sehun reaches blindly for it with one hand, sitting up.

**Chanyeol** 9:22pm:  _ are u coming out? Did jongin tell u ? _

**Sehun** 9:23pm:  _ too tired hyung next time _

__

He waits a few minutes to see if Chanyeol responds, plays around on his phone a bit. He has a message from his brother reminding him to call home that he ignores. It’s on his list, he had texted his mom earlier anyway.

He moves into the kitchen, preparing a tea and debating whether he actually wants to eat something. It’s still a bit early to sleep but he feels dead-tired.

It’s not until later when after Jongin has left with a quick  _ “how do I look?” _ and Sehun has come out of the shower that he checks his phone. A message from Chanyeol waiting for him.

**Chanyeol** 9:47pm:  _ ah ok _

**Chanyeol** 9:48pm:  _ jun n I are having a party next Friday… would love if u would be there _

**Chanyeol** 9:56pm:  _ it’s a (late) housewarming _

__

**Chanyeol** 9:56pm:  _ celebrate me moving in and all _

**Chanyeol** 9:57pm:  _ wanted to tell u tonight but if ur not going and idk when I’ll see u next _

__

Sehun ignores the way his heart is trying to crawl out of his throat.

__

**Sehun** 10:22pm:  _ yeah hyung I’ll come _

_____

Sehun is woken up by a warm body landing on top of him.

Jongin rolls off, and then shakes Sehun’s arm. “Are you awake?” He’s trying to whisper but his voice is slightly louder than usual, eyes shiny and wet even in the dark. Sehun wonders if Jongin had been crying.

“I am now, asshole.” Sehun mutters shoving Jongin a bit from where he’s heavy on his arm. “You’re crushing me.”

“Didn’t know you were so delicate,” Jongin bites back, but he cuddles into Sehun.

Sehun rubs his back slightly, bringing Jongin closer. It wasn’t often that Jongin initiated cuddling with Sehun. “Is everything okay? Did something happen?”

Jongin buries himself further into Sehun, nosing at his side.

“You’re tickling me,” Sehun says. “C’mon, did something happen? You were so excited earlier, were gonna go get your man.”

“I don’t want to get a man,” Jongin mumbles.

“Did Kyungsoo say something?” Sehun glances at the alarm clock on his nightstand, the green numbers letting him know it’s close to three in the morning.

“Went home with Baekhyun.”

“Huh? Don’t they live together? With Dae?”

Jongin looks up then, words no longer muffled. His eyes are waterier than before. “This was different. You should have seen them.”

“How was it different?” Sehun says, bringing Jongin closer, resuming rubbing his back.

“It just was,” Jongin pouts. “Don’t wanna talk about it.”

“It’s okay, Nini.” His heart goes out for the man next to him. “He doesn’t know what he’s missing out on.”

Evidently the saying ‘old habits die hard’ is very true. Jongin cuddles further into him, nosing his neck before giving him small kisses.

Almost instantly, Sehun melts into it. It’s so familiar to have Jongin like this, even more than a year later. It had been long since Sehun had been with someone.

“Miss you,” Jongin says, straddling Sehun to get a better angle as he starts sucking a bit before moving up, lips meeting Sehun’s. “Missed this,” he mumbles between kisses. “Need this, yeah?” It’s a question, asking for permission.

“Yeah,” Sehun breathes, his hands gripping Jongin’s waist. Jongin is so familiar, so easy to fall back into despite the worry in his stomach that he’s doing something wrong. He doesn’t owe anyone anything.

“You taste so good,” Jongin says, his hands crawling beneath Sehun’s shirt, fingers trailing delicately. “Wanna make you feel good.” He doesn’t hesitate as he gets off Sehun, pulling down Sehun’s sleeping shorts and boxers in one go. Jongin isn’t much of a tease in bed, but Sehun is still caught off guard as Jongin takes him down, Sehun’s dick still soft as Jongin takes him into his mouth. Jongin hums around him, sucking him with no real technique other than to take as much as possible, make him hard quick.

It’s not long before Sehun is hard, had been too long. He isn’t sure how long he’ll last like this, Jongin sucking his dick like his life depends on it. Jongin comes off with a pop, tonguing at Sehun’s head, “Need you to fuck me.”

“Fuck,” Sehun groans, grabbing Jongin’s hair and shoving his dick a bit further into his mouth. “Fuck yeah. Wanna fuck you.”

Jongin sits up, abandoning Sehun’s dick. He’s still fully dressed and he gets up, shedding his layers with no real finesse. Sehun forgot how  _ eager  _ Jongin always was. It takes less than a minute before Jongin is on top of Sehun, their cocks rubbing together.

“Need you to fuck me,” Jongin mutters against Sehun’s hot skin. “Need it so bad.”

“Yeah, fuck, yeah.” It’s overwhelming, Jongin’s skin burning against Sehun’s own. He tries to get a handle on the situation, reaches for lube and a condom from his nightstand drawer. “Do you want me to?” Sehun hesitates, despite how eager Jongin is, being so explicit makes him feel a little silly sometimes. “Want me to finger you?”

“Yeah, please,” Jongin mumbles and Sehun reaches. He slowly fingers Jongin, the angle isn’t the best, but it works.

“Please, please, more,” Jongin mutters, biting delicately on Sehun’s collarbone. He sits up a bit, and the angle changes, causing him to let out a groan. “God, please, Sehun.” He reaches for his own cock, hard against his stomach and strokes slowly once, twice. “I’m gonna cum if you don’t get in me.”

“Are you sure?” Sehun hesitates as Jongin rearranges himself so that Sehun’s head pushes softly against the entrance. Jongin doesn’t hesitate as he helps Sehun push in.

“Gonna ride you, yeah? Wanna make you feel so, so good.” Jongin is almost incoherent when he gets like this. “Gonna make you feel so good. Want your cock in me, wanna be yours.”

Sehun melts into it, loving the weight of Jongin on top of him. Knows it doesn’t mean anything. Any of the words muttered in the dark like this, all just to make themselves feel better.

There’s no hesitancy to Jongin’s actions, barely waiting before he’s bouncing down rhythmically. The warmth of him is almost too much. Sehun grips hard on Jongin’s hips, reaches up and pinch a nipple, run down Jongin’s hard muscles, before settling down on his ass.

Jongin feels so good. A solid weight grounding Sehun down. Sehun feels lost in it.

It’s not until Jongin’s movements start becoming erratic, expletives dropping from his mouth that Sehun starts fucking up, making sure to keep the angle consistent, holding on to Jongin’s hips so he doesn’t move. He knows he’s maybe being a bit rougher than usual, pressing his fingertips hard into delicate skin but Jongin seems insatiable on top of him.

“Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me.” Jongin says, and Sehun flips them, pushing further into Jongin if possible. He reaches down to hold on to Jongin’s cock, jerking him off as he slams into him. It doesn’t take long before Jongin is closing in on him, face buried in his arm as he moans and demands for more.

It’s not long before Sehun’s coming, everything too much. He pulls jerkily on Jongin’s cock, tries to fuck him even as Sehun loses himself, and then Jongin squeezes around him more, let’s out a groan as he comes. 

It takes a while for them to come back, laying side by side, sweaty.

“Been a while,” Sehun finally says.

“Yeah? Didn’t fuck a bunch of Canadians?” Jongin says, sitting up. “I should get cleaned up.”

“Fucked some Canadians.” Sehun laughs. “Do you wanna shower first?”

“So you can fuck me but not shower with me?”

“Do you want to shower with me?” Sehun turns the question around.

“No.” Jongin deadpans, hopping off the bed and heading towards their bathroom naked.

_____

They end up crawling into Jongin’s bed—too lazy to change Sehun’s sheets. Jongin melts into him, and Sehun brings him closer. Jongin the little spoon.

Sehun wonders if Junmyeon and Chanyeol are cuddling like this. Thinks about how easy it is to be with Jongin, to fuck Jongin. Wonders if it had been like that for Chanyeol and Junmyeon—just friends messing around.

But Sehun and Jongin had fucked around for what’s now been years and it had never progressed, Sehun wonders what’s so different about Chanyeol and Junmyeon.

His thoughts wander. Thinking about them hooking up. About Chanyeol and Junmyeon fucking. Thinks what it would be like to be with Junmyeon. To be with Chanyeol. 

He tries to shake the thoughts of Chanyeol and Junmyeon in bed together, bringing Jongin closer, trying to match his own breaths to Jongin’s. His own fantasies regarding Junmyeon remain in the fringes of his brain. Wonders if Junmyeon had ever thought of him like this, how Junmyeon would fuck him. Tries again to shake the thoughts from his head, squeezing his eyes shut. Let’s his thoughts instead wander to Baekhyun and Kyungsoo and squeezes Jongin softly, his heart tugging a bit.

Jongin melts further into Sehun as Sehun tightens his grip, “You know he does Sehun.”

Sehun briefly wonders if Jongin could read his mind. “He who? Thought you were asleep.” He can feel the tiredness of his day catching up again, the exertion from earlier adding to it.

“You said Soo doesn’t know what he’s missing out on, but he does know. He knows me.”

“Jongin,” Sehun says softly, his heart breaking a bit.

_____

Despite Chanyeol saying he wasn’t sure when he would see Sehun again, he texted later that week to grab coffee. They ended up grabbing coffee at the same café they had met the first time. Sehun knew that maybe it was a bit out of the way for Chanyeol, but when he had tried to argue for another place Chanyeol had declined, citing that he really didn’t mind and that the café had a certain nostalgia to it.

Chanyeol had brought his laptop along, and had been working on something when Sehun walked in (sans Jongin this time). His headphones were in so Sehun had stopped at the counter to grab a drink and a pastry before heading over to where Chanyeol was sitting.

He slid the chocolate croissant over and waved lightly as Chanyeol took his headphones off. “What’s all this?” Chanyeol eyed the croissant.

“For you—a little thank you for coming all the way over here.”

“You didn’t have to. I wanted to see you.” But even as Chanyeol says this, his hands reach for the croissant, tearing it in half and sliding the other half over to Sehun who takes a seat across from him. Sehun tries not to let Chanyeol’s sincerity affect him too much.

“Well I wanted to treat you,” Sehun smiles. “What are you working on?”

Chanyeol’s eyes get bright at that. “Project for this artist I’m producing for. Dae did some vocals for the demo I’m presenting and I’m mixing it a bit. I don’t think it’s one hundred percent where I want it to be though,” his face falls a bit at that and Sehun would have laughed at how quickly Chanyeol’s mood seemed to shift and just readable he was, if Chanyeol didn’t actually look a bit like a kicked puppy. “Think I’m gonna have to ask Dae to re-record some stuff, but he’s always so busy.”

“Mmm,” Sehun stuffed a piece of croissant into his mouth, it was a bit sweet for his taste and he slid it over to Chanyeol again. “I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”

“Yeah,” Chanyeol nods, his mood brightening. “How have you been? Feel like I haven’t seen you in ages.”

Sehun rolls his eyes playfully, “It hasn’t been ages. I started on this new project with Dae actually, and it’s been eating my time. But it’s been great. I really love the lab.”

“Mm,” Chanyeol hums thoughtfully. “I’m glad you’re happy there. Here.”

“Here?”

“In Seoul.”

Sehun blushes a bit and looks away. Two months but the guilt he felt for losing contact still felt fresh. “Listen, Chanyeol.” He looks at Chanyeol, taking him in. “I feel like I should have apologized.” Chanyeol seems like he’s about to say something but Sehun keeps going, holding a hand up to signal that he needs to talk first. “When I went to Canada, when I accepted I mean, it was…” He’s not sure how much he can reveal, how much he  _ should _ reveal. “I was dealing with some feelings about, about everything and I just, I need the distance, the space. Everyone tried to keep in touch, but I think… it was a bit… I got too caught up in being abroad and away, and I guess I was a shitty friend. And when I realized, it just felt like I had fucked up too hard to try, didn’t know where to start again. I should have tried though.”

Sehun chews on his bottom lip a bit, he knows his apology is a bit scattered, but he hopes the sincerity comes through. “I really am sorry, Chanyeol. When we FaceTimed that first night, it made me realize that I had really missed out on just… on everything.”

“Sehun,” Chanyeol says then. “I get it, yeah, the needing space. You don’t have to explain why you left to me. Whatever you were feeling—or still feel—worrying about the future, it’s all okay. It’ll work out.” He reaches over and squeezes Sehun’s hand once. “And, I’m always here for you. I’m glad you’re back, I don’t blame you for leaving or whatever, I’m just happy you’re here  _ now _ .”

Sehun smiles softly, “Thanks, Chanyeol.”

_____

Friday morning Sehun wakes up feeling simultaneously jealous and excited. The two feelings tug at his stomach, and instead of getting up and starting his day, Sehun buries himself further into his pillow, rolling over.

He’s excited to see his friends—to see Chanyeol and Junmyeon. And there exactly is the source of his jealousy as well because it’s a  _ housewarming party  _ for Chanyeol and Junmyeon. Albeit, a quite late one.

Despite the fact that Sehun wishes he could spend the morning in bed, he had agreed to go into the lab and help Jongdae on some extra work, so he gets out, sluggishly walking into the kitchen to grab a cup of coffee before he starts getting ready for the day.

Surprisingly Jongin is in the kitchen, wearing nothing but sweatpants even though the apartment feels a bit like the Arctic.

“Why aren’t you wearing a shirt?” Sehun asks, grabbing a mug and starting on his coffee.

“Just woke up,” Jongin mumbles.

“It’s cold, you’re gonna get sick and I’m not taking care of you.”

“I won’t get sick,” Jongin shoves some leftover rice into his mouth as he leans against the counter, watching Sehun. “Excited for tonight?”

“Yeah,” Sehun says, pouring his coffee and turning to face Jongin. The kitchen is a bit small for them to face each other like this, but neither bothers moving.

Jongin keeps shoving rice into his mouth.

“A bit late though, no? I mean how long have they been living together?” That’s his jealousy talking.

Jongin shrugs, “Don’t know. A while. Think they probably just wanna, you know, have friends over in their shared space or whatever. Entertain or whatever adults call it. You know, like a married couple.”

“They’re not married.”

“Might as well be.” Jongin shrugs again, dumping the takeout container in the trash as he finishes the rice. “Are you gonna use the shower, or can I hop in?”

“Just don’t take too long, I have to meet Dae.” Sehun says, glancing at the time on the stove. “And don’t use all the hot water.” He says to Jongin’s retreating figure.

“You’re welcome to hop in with me,” Jongin teases. “Save time.”

“Fuck off.”

_____

The apartment is dark when Sehun and Jongin walk in, Baekhyun leading them in.

“Didn’t know you lived here, hyung.” Jongin teases.

Baekhyun doesn’t acknowledge the snipe, instead he leads them into the kitchen, it’s the first door by the entrance and Sehun is brought back to the countless times he had spent with Junmyeon in that same kitchen.

Junmyeon wasn’t exactly a disaster in the kitchen—it was more a lack of effort to even try. Sehun was the same way, usually. There was something about Junmyeon pouting about a home-cooked meal though that made Sehun run around the kitchen like a chicken with its head cut off trying to scrape something together. Chanyeol was much better than both of them though, semi-enjoyed it even, and usually Junmyeon’s (or Sehun’s) pouts would be answered by a grumbling Chanyeol.

The kitchen looks virtually the same. It had been a long time since Sehun had stepped foot in that kitchen but he is sure he would notice if anything was different. He’d been there so many times it feels a bit like déjà vu. It’s strange being back after so long.

The countertop is littered with alcohol, the only food in sight being a tray of store-brought cookies.

“Please grab a drink,” Baekhyun motions towards the copious amounts of alcohol.

“Are you the host?” Jongin smiles, reaching for a red cup and pouring some Sprite in it. He doesn’t bother touching the alcohol.

“I might as well be with the way the actual hosts keep draping themselves over one another.” Baekhyun makes a face, but Sehun knows it’s done in love, Baekhyun’s eyes shiny.

“Isn’t this a grown-up party? I thought there’d be champagne or something.” Sehun can’t help the bitterness that bleeds into his voice. He doesn’t hesitate to follow Jongin with some Sprite though, pouring more than enough vodka to accompany his drink.

Baekhyun raises an eyebrow, studying Sehun’s mixing skills. “Don’t complain too much, Sehunnie.”

There’s people Sehun doesn’t recognize in the living room. He looks around, scanning for the men of the hour.

Chanyeol’s on the couch squeezed between Jongdae and a man Sehun doesn’t recognize. Their talking animatedly, Chanyeol’s grin on full display, little stars in his eyes.

He doesn’t see Junmyeon at first. It’s not until it’s his third scan around the room that he spots him. How Sehun had managed to miss him he’s not sure.

Junmyeon’s sipping casually on a drink out of a glass cup, listening intently to something Yixing is saying.

Like a magnetic pull, Sehun makes his way over, glancing briefly at Chanyeol again who is still absorbed in his conversation.

“Hyungs,” Sehun says, placing his hand on Junmyeon’s arm in greeting, patting Yixing softly on the back.

“Sehunnie!” Junmyeon’s face is so, so bright and Sehun feels his heart break a little when Junmyeon reaches over, gives him a half hug. He squeezes once, head titled and cheek pressed against Sehun’s shirt. He only pulls away a little, his hand dropping to wrap comfortably around Sehun’s waist.

“I think congratulations are in order,” Sehun teases. He hopes the tone is right, there’s a slight buzz in his ears. He takes a swig of his drink, hoping the vodka would encourage him, ease his nerves a bit. Tries not to think too much about the way his skin is burning.

Junmyeon flushes, a shy smile playing over his face, eyes turning into crescents. It’s Sehun’s favorite look.

“Thank you, Sehunnie.” Junmyeon

Sehun smiles, turns to Yixing. “Hyung, how have you been?”

Yixing shrugs non-committedly. “Okay, here and there.” Then Yixing’s face transforms into a broad smile. “Haven’t seen you around too much. Missed you, you bastard.”

Sehun smiles sheepishly at that, “Missed you too.” He takes a gulp of his drink, the vodka burning his throat. He tries not to think about the way Junmyeon is still holding on to him.

“Even when you said you were coming back I thought you were gonna push it back again. I know I say this everytime I see you, but I still can’t believe you’re back.”

Sehun hums thoughtfully, nodding as he feels his face flush. “My parents too.”

“What do you mean?” Junmyeon looks between Sehun and Yixing.

“Sehun kept changing his mind,” Yixing explained. “Kept saying he was coming back but then kept pushing it back.”

Sehun feels the cold air as soon as Junmyeon’s hand drops from his back, “You didn’t want to come back?” Junmyeon is looking intently at Sehun, and Sehun wonders if it’s the alcohol that’s making his head spin.

“No, it’s not that.” He doesn’t know what to say. Junmyeon’s eyes are pools of darkness.

“You kept changing the date?” Junmyeon presses, tone serious. Sehun feels like he’s drowning, he can’t find the way up, the way out.

Yixing steps in then, voice calm, teasing, “I think Sehunnie was just having too much fun, Myeon.”

Sehun nods at that, avoids the way Junmyeon is looking at him.

_____

Sehun keeps drinking, he’s not sure at what point he ended up squeezed between Chanyeol and Jongin. Jongin is draped across his back, his chin digging into Sehun’s shoulder, and Sehun would say something but he doesn’t actually mind. Jongin’s eyes are focused on Kyungsoo, on the other side of the coffee table.

The weight of Jongin is also centering Sehun, is preventing him from flopping down on Chanyeol (even if he kinda wishes he could flop down on to Chanyeol).

Even then though, Chanyeol is leaning into Sehun. Not quite touching, but Sehun can feel the warmth radiate from him. Chanyeol is flushed, but not drunk yet. Just tipsy enough to be a little more clingy and a little more friendly.

Chanyeol is muttering something to Sehun and Sehun is trying to focus on the words. He’s trying his best but he can’t make sense of what Chanyeol is saying. Can only concentrate on the color of Chanyeol’s lips and the way his mouth moves as he forms words. He feels a bit like he wants to lean in and kiss him, wants to feel the way the words come out of his mouth.

His lips are so pink and Sehun wonders if he’s wearing lipstick. “Are you wearing lipstick?”

“What?” Chanyeol says.

Sehun tries to focus himself, uses Jongin as his anchor.

“Lipstick?” He lifts his finger to point at his own lips.

He doesn’t get an answer though, or maybe he does, but suddenly Baekhyun is there. He’s hugging Chanyeol, tugging him up and away from Sehun and Sehun wants to reach up, wants to tug Chanyeol back down.

“Where’s your boyfriend?” Baekhyun singsongs, his face a light shade of pink.

Chanyeol looks around then, pouting. “Where’s Junmyeonnie? Did he leave?”

“He lives here, dumbass.” Jongin says, still pressed against Sehun.

Chanyeol looks over, narrowing his eyes and flopping down next to Sehun. “Sehunnie, help me find him.”

“I think he’s in the bedroom?” Kyungsoo says, his eyes looking over at the hallway.

“Go get him!” Baekhyun says, smiling. “I bought a cake!”

“This isn’t a birthday party,” Kyungsoo frowns.

Chanyeol tugs on Sehun’s shirt. “Go get him, Sehunnie. Please.”

Sehun stands up, feeling the world rush up to him. He feels unsteady on his feet.

“It’s a party, Soo. There should be cake.” Baekhyun is saying and Sehun walks slowly towards the bedroom. His legs feel foreign to him, his ears buzzing.

Sehun knocks on the bedroom door once before pushing it open. There’s a lamp on and Junmyeon is sitting on the bed. He looks up when Sehun walks in.

“Junmyeon,” Sehun says, smiling.

“Sehunnie.”

“What are you doing? There’s cake.”

Junmyeon eyebrows furrow at that and Sehun walks further into the room, sits next to Junmyeon and flops back. The ceiling is spinning.

“You’re really drunk, Sehun.”

“Yeah.”

Junmyeon lets out a breathy laugh at that.

There’s silence. Sehun doesn’t know how much time passes before Junmyeon speaks up again.

“Yixing knew you were coming back?”

Sehun wonders if he had fallen asleep momentarily. His eyes feel heavy and he closes them. “Yeah, Yixing and Minseok.” He pauses. “Jongin too, I guess.”

“Oh,” Junmyeon’s voice is quiet. Sehun’s thoughts feel scattered. “Why?”

“I needed to go back to the apartment.” He mutters. “Did I tell you about the cake already?”

“Yeah,” Sehun feels Junmyeon’s fingers card through his hair and he melts into it.

“Your bed is so comfortable. Wanna sleep here forever.”

“Where would I sleep?” Junmyeon laughs.

“Here, next to me.” Sehun mumbles. Junmyeon’s silent, his fingers running softly through Sehun’s hair. Sehun really does think he can stay here forever. “Chanyeol can sleep here too if you want.”

Junmyeon lets out a louder laugh then and Sehun manages to open his eyes, watches Junmyeon’s whole face scrunch up, his eyes crescents. Sehun can feel his whole chest swell. He wonders if Junmyeon can see how hard Sehun’s heart is beating.

Sehun closes his eyes, pictures Junmyeon’s face as he laughs and the warmth of his laugh.

“We wouldn’t all fit,” Junmyeon finally says.

“We could,” Sehun says, picturing the sleepovers they used to have when they were younger. “We just have to squeeze in.”

“Hm,” Junmyeon hums thoughtfully, his fingernails scratching Sehun’s scalp gently.

_____

He doesn’t remember falling asleep. Only remembers Jongin waking him up and dragging him home.

Sehun slides into bed with Jongin that night, craving the feel of a warm body against him.

He watches Jongin move around the room getting himself ready for bed. Sehun hadn’t bothered to do much, shedding his clothes before tucking himself between Jongin’s blankets. Cocooning himself from everything.

Jongin plops down, connecting his phone to charge. “Do you want water? You should drink water.”

Sehun rolls over, squeezing his eyes shut. He doesn’t want to think about tonight, didn’t want to think about tomorrow morning and his inevitable hangover. Didn’t want to think about Junmyeon and Chanyeol. His nap had sobered him up. “Yes, please,” he manages to croak.

Jongin leaves the room and Sehun tries to stop the burning behind his eyes. It had been weird seeing Chanyeol and Junmyeon together in their  _ shared  _ apartment. He’d seen them individually since he’d been back, but rarely together, their schedules never quite matching up.

He couldn’t exactly explain the feeling he felt seeing them together, it wasn’t necessarily fully just jealousy—but he felt something in his stomach burn. He felt left out.

They had chosen each other and Sehun had been left out. He had always had a crush on both of them—at some point or another had feelings for Chanyeol and Junmyeon, bouncing back and forth between his two best friends. He loved them so much and they loved each other, and he was left out. It made him want to cry a bit.

He felt silly when he thought about flopping on to their bed, asking to be allowed in.

“You okay?” Jongin hands him the water, rubs Sehun’s leg a little. Jongin isn’t great about talking or noticing feelings, so the fact he had noticed and asked must mean everything is written on Sehun’s face.

Jongin isn’t Sehun’s first choice to talk about this, but he’s here and he’s never judged. “I just feel left out.” He doesn’t feel like trying to explain all the other feelings that are building, that he doesn’t have names for yet.

“Well, people are just busy. You’re busy too.”

“That’s not—” Sehun starts. “That’s not it. I mean—I’m, I uh, I feel left out with Chanyeol and Junmyeon.”

Understanding passes through Jongin’s face, “Just because they’re dating doesn’t mean they don’t love you.” The soft light from the desk lamp illuminates Jongin’s dark eyes, they’re full of compassion, looking at Sehun a bit like he’s a child. Sehun doesn’t know how to better explain without sounding selfish. He’s being selfish, the thought makes his stomach twist uncomfortably. He is happy that his friends found each other, but a little voice in his head keeps whining ‘ _ what about me _ .’

“It’s just different,” Sehun mumbles, setting the water down and wrapping his arms around Jongin. He’s warm and his t-shirt is soft. Sehun noses Jongin’s neck a bit, pressing his lips softly against Jongin’s skin. Jongin doesn’t react and Sehun feels cold—doesn’t know what he’s doing, doesn’t know if he’s crossing a line, if there is a line between them. He keeps pressing soft, open-mouthed kisses on Jongin’s neck. “Jongin,” he breathes, hopes he can communicate how much he needs him, how much he needs the distraction.

“Sehun,” Jongin’s voice is a little stunted, probably confused at the complete 180.

“Jongin,” Sehun becomes more brave, trailing kisses up Jongin’s neck, across his jawbone, his cheeks. He presses himself against Jongin’s side, it isnn’t the best position for kissing, side by side, but Sehun twists his body and kisses Jongin softly, tentatively.

Jongin is the one to bridge the gap, reaches over and pulls Sehun harder in for a kiss. He isn’t gentle about it, doesn’t hesitate.

Sehun isn’t sure what he’s doing, especially after what had happened earlier. If it was the alcohol, or the loneliness, or the pit in his stomach he’d felt since he’d landed back in Seoul and realized he had fucked up. Maybe it was a little of all three.

He feels braver, and kisses Jongin a bit harsher, pushing Jongin back on the bed and climbing on top of him.

Jongin is familiar and Sehun falls into it. Sehun on Jongin’s lap, grinding down softly, moving his hips the smallest amount. Even through his jeans he could feel Jongin growing harder, and Sehun wants this. Needs Jongin so that he can forget about Chanyeol and Junmyeon. He reaches blindly, unbuttoning Jongin’s pants.

“God,” Jongin lets out a soft breath as Sehun reachs and grabs his dick, palming him through his boxers. “God, please, Sehun. Lemme just.” And then Jongin pushes him off, takes his jeans off quickly. “God, fuck, take yours off.” Sehun doesn’t hesitate. Jongin was always so quick, never really playful and Sehun can appreciate the bluntness.

“Fuck,” Jongin says, pushing Sehun back and crawling on top of him. He wastes no time pressing their naked torsos together, grabbing both their cocks in one hand. “Wanna come.” There was no hesitancy to the movements, they are hard and shaky and Jongin is clearly aiming for a quick orgasm. It’s perfect, too much on Sehun’s sensitive skin, he tries to lose himself completely, bares his neck more as Jongin bites down.

Jongin comes with a loud moan, spilling over Sehun’s bare stomach before collapsing next to him. “Fuck, Sehun.” He’s breathing hard, but then he rolls over and kisses Sehun once, twice, soft and chaste. A sharp contrast to the harsh way he had jacked them off. “Wanna taste you, yeah.” He wastes no time crawling down between Sehun’s knees were his hard cock was resting and wrapping his mouth around him. Unlike the messy handjob he was more attentive, now that he had come, more concentrated. “Wanna make you feel good.”

“Yeah, fuck.” Sehun loses his train of thought, is rendered speechless. Jongin’s mouth is so warm, and the way he licks up the underside and sucks softly on his head, tongue running against the slit is almost too much. It didn’t take much for Sehun to come.

_____

He’s hungover in the morning, evidently despite how sober he had felt the alcohol had still fucked him over. He doesn’t have enough energy to get up and face the day, face his hangover, and the headache that was growing behind his eyes was still a soft pulsing.

Jongin was snoring softly beside him, faced away. Sehun had stolen the blankets in the middle of the night and now he disentangles himself, throwing a bit over Jongin before rolling over, facing the wall.

He kept replaying last night, the way Junmyeon’s arm had dropped from around him, then the drinking, the seemingly endless amount of alcohol, laying in Junmyeon’s bed, coming home with Jongin.

He was an idiot.

_____

After the party he lays low for a few days, avoiding Junmyeon and hoping it would all fade away. But he knows sooner or later he’ll have to reach out, that had been his problem the first time. He was back for good now and he couldn’t just run away. Seoul would never feel the same if he kept isolating himself from his friends.

He does give in though, avoiding it for a few days. He tries to re-enact his life from before the party where he would go to his internship at the lab and see Jongdae. Where he’d sometimes trail after Jongdae and go to his, Kyungsoo’s, and Baekhyun’s shared apartment. Eat take-out, or watch Baekhyun help Kyungsoo cook (or at least pretend to help) before they’d all eat around the coffee table watching a movie or TV show.

Thursday morning after the party he wakes up earlier than usual, hard. He hadn’t crawled into Jongin’s bed—or anyone’s bed really—since last Friday, not too long but still the need is there.

Sehun doesn’t think about it too much, as he shoves his boxers off, kicking them to the edge of the bed as he touches himself. He closes his eyes, focusing on just the feeling and trying to keep his mind blank.

He’s not too good at keeping his thoughts focused though and they start to wander. He knows he needs to reach out to Junmyeon maybe they can get lunch on the weekend and he could—he could what? Apologize for being a drunk baby?

But then his thoughts are on Junmyeon and his dick seems infinitely more interested.  _ Junmyeon, Junmyeon, Junmyeon _ . Sehun tightens his grip a bit, and teases himself, flicking his wrist in a way he knows could get him there. His actions more purposeful. And then like the traitor his brain is, his thoughts wander to Chanyeol and Junmyeon.

Chanyeol hanging off Junmyeon’s back like an oversized koala, like he didn’t completely dwarf Junmyeon. Sehun gasps, his stomach tightening. He wonders if Junmyeon had fucked Chanyeol before. He bets Chanyeol is loud and whiny in bed, bet he loves to please. He thinks of Chanyeol on his knees, his pretty lips stretched over Junmyeon’s cock, taking in as much as he could, pushing himself so that he chokes. Thinks of Junmyeon singing Chanyeol praises, combing through his hair softly even as he shoves his cock further in. Chanyeol would palm himself, begging to come just from this, from having a cock shoved down his throat.

His orgasm hits him suddenly, his thoughts flashing between Chanyeol and Junmyeon as he comes with a gasp. His chest heaving as he falls back against his pillows, the wind knocked out of him.

Sehun reached for some tissues, cleaning himself up.

He grabs his phone checking the time as he scrolls through his notifications, clicking through on an e-mail he had received sometime late last night. In a stroke of good luck, his professor was cancelling class. His Thursday class being cancelled meant he had the whole day suddenly open.

He texts Junmyeon then, knowing if he’s been waiting for a sign this is it. He feels a bit sheepish at still being naked, having come thinking about Junmyeon and Chanyeol fucking, but he reminds himself that there’s nothing weird about his sexual fantasies and it’s not like Junmyeon  _ had to know _ .

**Sehun** 8:42am:  _ wanna grab lunch later? _

__

Sehun doesn’t have to wait long before Junmyeon’s reply comes through.

**Junmyeon** 8:43am:  _ I’m at a café now!! I’d love to let me know where you wanna meet/what time J _

Sehun glances at his desk, his notebooks and textbooks in a pile. Thinks maybe he could squeeze in some work himself.

**Sehun** 8:44am:  _ I can meet u now? We can grab lunch after? I just need to get ready… _

__

Sehun kinda wishes he had opted to call instead. It was hard to read tone over text despite the smiley Junmyeon sent and there was something about waiting that made his stomach churn.

**Junmyeon** 8:45am:  _ of course sehunnie I’ll send the location _

__

Despite himself Sehun’s heart skips a beat. He heaves himself up and starts getting ready.

_____

The café Junmyeon had been at is farther from where Sehun lives, but he doesn’t mind the distance too much, it allows him to clear his head a bit. He had brought his bag along, lugging his textbooks along.

Junmyeon is sitting at a small table in the back, working on his laptop. He doesn’t have headphones on, but he looks concentrated, a small wrinkle forming between his eyebrows.

Sehun feels a bit nervous when he walks in, taking him in quietly. Every time he sees Junmyeon, Sehun feels a little breathless, his mind never really does him justice.

Junmyeon greets him with a shy wave, “Hey.”

“Hey,” Sehun says, taking a seat diagonally and taking out his books.

“How have you been?” Junmyeon’s tone is soft, Sehun wants to wrap him up and never let go.

“Good, I’ve been good.”

“Were you hungover Saturday? You were really drunk.” Apparently Junmyeon wastes no time getting straight to it.

“Yeah a bit,” Sehun shrugs, his skin burning a bit.

“Mm,” Junmyeon hums thoughtfully. Then he glances back at his computer. “You brought work?” He looks at Sehun’s textbooks and Sehun nods, wondering if there’s something more. If Junmyeon is going to bring up Friday more. “Wanna do it like old times? Thirty minutes speed-round?”

“Okay,” Sehun nods taking the out.

It’s not even twenty minutes later when Sehun feels himself getting distracted. Junmyeon is still quietly working with the attentiveness of someone who is completely absorbed in his work, and Sehun looks down at his page. None of the formulas make sense. Realistically, Sehun knows they’re simple problems that shouldn’t have taken him longer than an hour to complete, ‘ _ a warm-up’  _ his professor had said, and yet his skin is itching. He tries though, looking back down and tries to focus on his work.

He can’t though. Every so often he would look up and study Junmyeon. All of the feelings from before were still there. No matter how much Sehun wanted to deny it.

“Hyung? Hyung, pay attention to me.” He kicks Junmyeon softly under the table. “I need a break.”

“Ah, Sehunnie.” Junmyeon looks up, seems to be slowly coming back from whatever work he had been so into. Junmyeon smiles softly.

“We’ve been here half an hour and you’ve said two words to me,” Sehun pouts. He was aiming for light-heartedness but there was a slight accusatory tone to it. He smiles a bit brighter and kicks Junmyeon softly again to hide it.

“You big baby. We’re doing a speed-round, or do you not remember how those work?” Junmyeon laughs, closing his laptop.

“What are you working on?” Sehun decides to ignore the question. He still feels a bit on edge, unsure if he should bring up Friday, knows he probably should, but doesn’t want to change the atmosphere.

“It’s a secret.” Junmyeon smiles teasingly.

“Tell me, tell me, tell me.” Sehun leans forward a bit.

“It’s a secret, Sehunnie.” Junmyeon laughed.

Sehun pouts a bit, “I won’t tell.”

Junmyeon laughs louder at that, causing a few people at the café to look over, and Sehun feels his face heat. He loves that laugh, feels his chest swell with pride at having caused it.

“You’re a devil. I’ll tell you soon, okay.” Junmyeon takes a sip of his coffee and leans back, watching Sehun. “What about you? How’s your job at NASA?”

Sehun rolls his eyes. “I don’t work at NASA, hyung. I don’t even study… rocket science? What do you even have to study to work for NASA?”

“Hm,” Junmyeon smiles softly. “Just making sure you’re not thinking of running away again. Missing Canada or whatever.”

His tone is teasing, but Sehun frowns a bit. “NASA isn’t even in Canada. But no, I don’t.” Sehun knows it’s true, he doesn’t have Junmyeon in Canada. “Not as much as I had missed you.”

It’s a little too much truth, and Junmyeon’s smile falters. His eyes still warm though, looking at Sehun.

“Chanyeol and I missed you so much, Sehunnie.”

_ Chanyeol and I. Chanyeol and I. Chanyeol and I. _

“I missed you both so much, hyung.” Sehun had tried to not bring up Canada, hadn’t brought it up around Junmyeon at all. Doesn’t want to bring up all the time they had spent apart.

“Did you have fun? You haven’t told me at all. Did you meet anyone? Tell me,” he drags out, whining a bit. He’s smiling eagerly though, leaning forward. Sehun feels his chest swell with fondness.

“I had a lot of fun, I worked a lot.” He ignores the last question. “Wish you had been there.” He doesn’t know why he’s being so honest. Thinks maybe it’s because he doesn’t want to hide it, can’t hide it. But also hope it’s a bit of a peace offering after Friday—a  _ “sorry I fell asleep at your housewarming _ ” and  _ “sorry I didn’t tell you I was coming back to Seoul.” _

“You didn’t invite me,” his tone was teasing.

“Would you have come?” Sehun wants to be lighthearted, but it feels heavy. He wants to know, wants to ask if it would have been him and Junmyeon if he hadn’t left.

Junmyeon laughs though, “Only if you had paid for my ticket.”

“Well then I’m glad I didn’t invite you,” he lies, crossing his arms for effect.

“Brat,” Junmyeon laughs before his expression melts into something softer. “Missed you.”

“Not too much, though.” Sehun says.

Junmyeon frowns, his eyebrows scrunching a bit. “What do you mean?”

What did Sehun mean? “It was—”

“I did miss you, Sehunnie.”

“I know hyung,” he tries.

“You’re the one who left,” he doesn’t sound mad, just dejected, and for Sehun that’s worse.

“Hyung, I know.” Sehun swallows around the lump in his throat. “I just meant… I mean… you had everyone here, you had Chanyeol.”

“But I didn’t have you.”

Sehun tries not to let it mean too much. “Junmyeon…” His voice is soft, barely a whisper.

Junmyeon shakes his head a bit, “I’m sorry, Sehunnie. I, I just, I don’t know why I said that.” He looks away from Sehun then, glancing around the café before his eyes settle somewhere on Sehun’s forehead, not quite allowing for the eye contact Sehun desperately wants. “I missed you, but, but Canada was an amazing opportunity. I’m glad you got to go. You deserved it, really. I was—I am happy for you.”

“Thanks, hyung,” but the words taste bitter. Sehun takes a drink of his tea, it’s a bit cold but he doesn’t really care. He glances at the clock at the far wall hanging above the register.

Junmyeon is staring down at the table, his eyebrows are furrowed and he looks to be in deep-thought.

“Hyung? Can I ask you something?”

Junmyeon looks up, makes eye contact with Sehun. His face is blank but he nods once, “Of course, Sehunnie.”

“How did you and Chanyeol… I mean…” He isn’t sure how to ask it, why he was asking.

“We hooked up,” Junmyeon seems to read his mind. “We hooked up once. I didn’t think it was going to be much—be a thing, I mean.” Junmyeon isn’t really meeting his eyes, but Sehun isn’t sure he wants him to anyway. He lets out a laugh, then, “Wanna know something? I was hooking up with Baekhyun first.”

“What?”

“Yeah,” this time Junmyeon does meet his eyes, he looks a bit sheepish. “We were messing around, since last summer…”

Last summer Sehun had still been here. The lump that has made its permanent residence in his throat rises. His eyes burn a bit.

“Not all the time or anything, and not like exclusively,” Junmyeon’s too wrapped up to notice the way Sehun’s face is frozen. “It was just fun, you know, Baekhyun’s a bit of a lovebug.”

“Yeah, he is.” Sehun manages. He takes another gulp of his cold tea, it’s tasteless.

“We were hooking up, Baek and I. And… and… I don’t know, it was so easy. Between friends you know,” and Sehun did know, his thoughts briefly on Jongin. “It was so easy, and then it happened with Chanyeol and I thought it would be easy too. It was different—it is different with Chanyeol though.”

“You love him.” Sehun’s voice betrays no emotion.

“Yeah, yeah, I do, Sehunnie.” Junmyeon smiles softly, a faraway look in his eyes. “He makes me happy. I didn’t think I would get that.”

Sehun frowned at that, glanced at the clock, he really should be getting to class. “Why? What do you mean?”

Junmyeon looks at Sehun, an expression Sehun couldn’t quite catch in his eyes. “I just didn’t think I could feel this way about Chanyeol. I’ve always loved him, but never like this.”

“Chanyeol’s easy to love.”

Junmyeon’s smile this time is easier to read, it was pure fondness. “He is.”

_____

They get lunch around the corner. A small shop with only a few tables. It’s nice.

The whole time they had been at the café Sehun kept thinking he should apologize. He doesn’t know how to bring it up in a casual way though. Already the morning has felt too heavy. 

Figures it’s now or never as they sit down after ordering, “Junmyeon? I’m sorry about Friday.”

Junmyeon stops with his water glass halfway to his mouth. “Friday?”

“I was so drunk, I don’t know why I behaved that way.”

Junmyeon’s face softens, “You were drunk, you don’t have to apologize.”

“I’ve felt like shit since then though, so please let me apologize. I promise I won’t be that way again. You and Chanyeol were such great hosts and I was a shitty guest.”

Junmyeon laughs lightly, “It’s forgiven, Sehun really.” Then he pauses a bit, “I hope you didn’t think I was mad or distant. I’ve just been busy but I hope… I’m sorry if I made you think I was mad.”

“You didn’t,” Sehun’s quick to rush in. Junmyeon’s acceptance is making his whole body warm. “I just felt bad.”

“You shouldn’t. It was cute, and Chanyeol thought it was funny. It’s fine, Sehunnie.”

_____

Sehun tries not to think too much about Baekhyun and Junmyeon in the days that follow.

_ Easy, between friends, last summer _ .

And maybe that revelation hurts more.

But no. None of Sehun’s thoughts or feelings make any sense to him. The only word he can think of to explain how he feels is jealousy but it isn’t that. He isn’t jealous but he doesn’t know how else to describe the way his stomach twists at the thought of everything. He feels so left out and now it doesn’t even feel like he has Canda to blame.

He wonders if Chanyeol and Junmyeon would have happened anyway. If Chanyeol was as a result of Baekhyun and Baekhyun was happening before Canada, then it nothing had to do with Sehun at all. It made Sehun’s stomach twist up more.

Chanyeol had said six months, but it must have been longer than that—if Baekhyun was last summer. How much after Sehun had left?

He tries to describe the feelings that are bubbling inside of him. He’s jealous (or something close to it) of Chanyeol for being with Junmyeon. But he’s also jealous (or whatever) of Junmyeon for being with Chanyeol.

Knowing that Baekhyun and Junmyeon had hooked up though made everything feel more hopeless. Why Baekhyun?

Sehun had been here last summer, Sehun was Junmyeon’s friend, Sehun could be  _ easy. _

He was easy with Jongin right? He could have been just as easy with Junmyeon. It didn’t have to mean anything if Junmyeon hadn’t wanted it to (Sehun maybe was lying to himself on that one).

It felt a bit personal, if Sehun is being honest. As if he hadn’t been good enough for  _ easy _ .

He tries not to think about it and yet, he finds himself complaining to Jongdae. He’s nursing a beer on Jongdae’s couch one day after his internship. Half-eaten Chinese food sat forgotten on the coffee table. Jongdae’s cuddled up under a blanket on the other end of the couch, nursing his own beer.

Both Baekhyun and Kyungsoo aren’t in the apartment, but being in the apartment had brought the Baekhyun and Junmyeon issue to Sehun’s forefront.

“Did you know Baek and Junmyeon hooked up?” It wasn’t the smoothest way of bringing it up.

Sehun wasnn’t even sure if Jongdae was still awake, but the choking noise was enough confirmation that he heard him. “What, like recently?”

“No. Like, last summer.”

“Huh,” Jongdae doesn’t say anything, taking a sip of his beer and looking back to the TV where a drama was playing.

“Baekhyun never mentioned it?” He isn’t sure what he’s trying to get out of Jongdae—or really what he’s looking for. He already knows the answer if Jongdae’s choking is anything to go off of.

“No, he never—” Almost like he had been summoned Baekhyun throws open the front door and comes bounding in, slipping his shoes off quickly before throwing himself on the couch between Sehun and Jongdae.

“Is this for me?” He grabs a carton of Chinese food from the table and shoves some noodles in his mouth.

“You hooked up with Junmyeon?” Jongdae asks. Evidently he didn’t know how to keep a secret.

Baekhyun stuffs some more noodles in his mouth and stands up, walking to the kitchen before returning with a beer. He sits on the armchair, and turns towards the TV, “Why? Are you jealous?” He arches an eyebrow, eyes on Jongdae.

“No, Sehun is.” Jongdae says, shifting to rearrange his feet.

“Hey!” Sehun says. “I never said that.”

“You wanna fuck, Sehun?” Baekhyun’s looking at him, taunting him.

“Not you.” Sehun snipes back.

“You wanna fuck Junmyeon hyung, then?”

“Fuck off.” He hopes it’s dark enough in the apartment that Baekhyun can’t see the way Sehun turns light pink.

Baekhyun turns back to the TV and Sehun thinks that’s the end of that, but a few moments later Baekhyun says, “Junmyeon’s a good lay, I would say go for it, Sehunnie.”

“He’s dating Chanyeol,” Jongdae snorts. “They live together remember? We were just there the other day for their move-in party?”

Baekhyun shrugs non-committedly, “Junmyeon really is a good lay though. I didn’t expect it at first, but his cock—”

“Yah,” Jongdae throws a pillow at him. “No one wants to hear about your goddamn sex life.”

“Why? Jealous?” Sehun briefly wonders if Baekhyun  _ wants _ Jongdae to be jealous.

“No.” Jongdae rolls his eyes.

“Then? Thought we were friends. Friends should care about each other’s sex lives.”

“Friends  _ shouldn’t _ care about each other sex lives with detail. I don’t wanna hear the gory details of how you got your dick wet with our other good friend.”

“Ew, hyung.” Sehun grimaces.

“Ew to me? Baekhyun’s the one talking about Junmyeon’s fucking cock. Who even says that?” Jongdae seems affronted.

“It’s a sexy word,” Baekhyun says, grinning.

At the same time that Sehun mutters, “Dick wet just sounds so gross.”

“Anyway, can we go back to talking about Junmyeon’s cock? Actually, do you think Chanyeol and Junmyeon would be down for a threesome—and if so, how do I arrange it? I don’t know about Chanyeol but Junmyeon was so good, I’d be willing to sacrifice a little.” Baekhyun’s tone’s teasing, obviously trying to rile Jongdae up.

Sehun shifts in his seat a bit as Jongdae rants about having  _ boundaries  _ and  _ respecting people’s relationships _ .

Maybe he should listen to Jongdae’s rant a bit, because Baekhyun’s train of thought had been running through his mind endlessly since the last time he had come to the thought of Chanyeol and Junmyeon together.

“C’mon, you can’t tell me you’ve never ever fantasized about one of your friends?” Baekhyun’s still goading Jongdae, trying to rile him up. Sometimes Jongdae was just too easy.

“No, I haven’t.”

“Really?” His tone is flat—he might as well have called Jongdae a liar.

“Really.”

“You live with me  _ and  _ Kyungsoo and you’re trying to tell us you’ve never thought of fucking either of us? You’ve definitely seen us naked, c’mon.”

“I’ve definitely have never even considered it.” Jongdae takes a sip of his beer.

Baekhyun pouts, clearly a bit offended and Sehun really wonders exactly what game this was.

“Wait, does that mean you’ve thought of us—of me and you—fucking?”

“You’re the star of my fantasies,” Baekhyun deadpans, winking exaggeratedly.

“Please shut up.” Jongdae mutters.

It’s later, when Jongdae is sleeping through the movie, somehow still clutching the beer tightly, that Sehun manages to ask, “Did you feel bad? When Chanyeol and Junmyeon—?” He leaves the question open.

He had opened his mouth wanting to ask how Baekhyun and Junmyeon had gotten to that point. Maybe what he really needed was someone to relate to though.

Baekhyun takes a moment and Sehun isn’t sure if he heard him. If he should repeat the question or just be glad he hadn’t been heard.

“No, I.” Baekhyun pauses for such a long time that Sehun thinks maybe that’s all he’s getting. His eyes flick over, Baekhyun’s watching the movie, his fingers trailing the rim of his beer. “I knew Junmyeon didn’t  _ have feelings _ for me. I knew that when we hooked up.” He looks over at Sehun then, his gaze boring into Sehun’s from across the room. It’s too dark to fully be able to read all of his expressions. Sehun is good at reading people, but sometimes Baekhyun could hide everything better than anyone expected.

“Maybe it hurt a little, at first.” Baekhyun shrugs. “Feeling like I wasn’t enough for you know Junmyeon to like, love me or whatever.” He seems to be struggling over the words. “I mean, I didn’t love him, not like that. But, but it’s like, I don’t just hook up with people, you know.” Baekhyun looks back at the TV then. “Doesn’t matter now though.”

Sehun doesn’t know what to say.

“Chanyeol’s good for him. He deserves happiness, Sehunnie, they both do, don’t you think?”

Sehun’s heart hurts.

_____

“Your boyfriend is boring,” Sehun snipes, taking a sip of his water and smirking playfully at Chanyeol. “You both are so old.”

“Take that back, you brat,” Chanyeol says, grabbing Sehun around the neck and putting him a faux headlock. “Take it back.”

“Never,” Sehun says pushing Chanyeol away laughing a bit. He takes a sip of his beer. He’s been alternating the whole night, but he still feels giddy, the alcohol coursing through his bloodstream making everything soft and a bit blurry around the edges.

Sehun nudges Chanyeol playfully, making sure he knows it was just a joke. “I’m glad you came out hyung.” He adds softly, glancing over to Chanyeol as Kyungsoo and Baekhyun consider the pros and cons of ordering another round. Sehun should weigh in—Jongdae is practically passed out leaning against the booth, and he knows that another round will have Baekhyun in a similar state, but instead his attention is on Chanyeol.

Chanyeol squeezes a little above his knee, his palm is warm and big and Sehun takes another sip of beer. “I’ll make Junmyeon come out next time, promise.”

Kyungsoo from across the table piques, “I should probably take Dae home.” Baekhyun whines loudly. Kyungsoo ignores him.

Chanyeol glances at where Jongdae is slumped, as if noticing for the first time. He frowns a bit. “We were supposed to meet at the studio bright and early tomorrow,” he trails off. “He better not be too hungover.”

“Think he’s a little over-stretched,” Kyungsoo says. “At the lab, I mean. Dae’s been helping on some paper or something.” He shrugs non-committedly. “He’s been getting home later than usual. Think the alcohol hit a little harder than usual.”

Baekhyun pushes himself off the booth, “Well, I for one, am not ready for this night to end. Think Yixing had a show he was helping on.” He checks his phone. “It’s probably over by now, right? Are you guys in?”

Kyungsoo was trying to rile a sleeping Jongdae up, so the question was definitely directed at Chanyeol and Sehun. Sehun wasn’t necessarily ready for the night to end, but he also wasn’t exactly jumping at the opportunity to go to a club with Baekhyun. Not that Baekhyun wasn’t fun—it was more that he hadn’t seen Chanyeol in so long.  _ Just a week _ , he reminds himself. And he really would rather sit in the booth a little longer.

Chanyeol chooses then. “Ah,” he scratches the back of his neck. “I should go home. Don’t want to get in too late.”

“Does Junmyeon have you on a leash?” Baekhyun teases. Chanyeol just makes a face.

“I shouldn’t either,” Sehun is quick to add.

“Fine, but you both owe me.” He says, and then looks at where Jongdae is blinking up at them sleepily, Kyungsoo watching Baekhyun, a frown on his face. Sehun knows he’s probably thinking of what to say to get Baekhyun to agree to skip the club and go home too. “You two also owe me.” He points at Kyungsoo and Dae to no reaction, before waving at them carelessly and bounding off stumbling a tiny bit.

“I think he might be too drunk,” Kyungsoo mutters looking torn between where Jongdae looks to be struggling to keep his eyes open and where Baekhyun has just disappeared. “I think I have the worst roommates.”

“I can take Dae home,” Sehun says.

Kyungsoo and Chanyeol snap their heads towards him.

“Are you sure?” Kyungsoo asks but it’s just to be polite. The way he’s rolling his lip and looking at Sehun lets him know that Kyungsoo is already mentally catching up to Baekhyun running through scenarios of how to convince him to head home instead of wandering around Seoul drunkenly.

“Go,” Sehun flips his wrist to him, and watches as Kyungsoo doesn’t hesitate, thanking them both quickly.

“Ah, it’s just me! Chanyeol didn’t volunteer.”

“Well, thanks Sehunnie,” Kyungsoo smiles, ruffling Chanyeol’s hair playfully when Chanyeol protests, before waving at them and going after Baekhyun.

_____

Sehun does end up needing Chanyeol’s help to get Jongdae out of the booth. Jongdae keeps letting his body turn to dead weight despite Sehun’s chiding.

“I’m a responsible adult, I can drive.” Chanyeol offers. Pointing in the general direction of where he parked. “I’m a few streets down.”

__

“I can call a taxi. Don’t want to inconvenience you.” Sehun bites his lip.  _ Plus, it’s almost one in the morning, bet Junmyeon is waiting. _

__

“I’m a taxi. C’mon, stop being stubborn Sehunnie.”

__

“Just drive me home and leave Sehun here.” Jongdae says. “This way?” He starts walking unsteadily, leaving no choice but for Chanyeol and Sehun to follow. Jongdae is more asleep than awake, alcohol still weighing down his body.

__

“Hey, I’m the one that volunteered to take you home.”

“Well I’m now volunteering Chanyeol,” Jongdae smiles, his eyes are shiny in the way they get after he drinks, the bags under his eyes are prominent. Sehun resolves to volunteer to help him a bit more at work. He’ll have to do it in a way where Jongdae doesn’t think it’s help being offered, he’s always just a smidge too stubborn to ask for help.

“That’s the last time I ever do anything nice again.” Sehun pouts, shoving his hands in the pockets of his coat, looking forward to being wrapped up in the warmth of Chanyeol’s car.

_____

They drop off Jongdae first. Sehun wonders if Kyungsoo and Baek made it home. He takes out his phone to shoot a quick message to Kyungsoo and sees he has a notification from Jongin. He shoots a quick text to Kyungsoo first,  _ Text when home! _

__

Clicks on Jongin’s contact, reading a short thread of messages.

**Jongin** 1:03am:  _ Sehun _

**Jongin** 1:03am: _ Sehunnie _

**Jongin** 1:04am: _ Sehun-ah _

**Jongin** 1:05am: _ SEHUN _

**Jongin** 1:06am:  _ yyy r u ignoring me _

**Jongin** 1:06am: _ Hahaha realized u prob havnt read these… _

**Jongin** 1:08am:  _ bringing someone home !!!! _

__

Sehun can’t help but groan. The series of messages are recent, only a half hour ago. He could go back to his apartment, but the walls are unbearably thin and he really, really doesn’t feel like hearing Jongin and whomever. Sometimes Jongin would turn over in his sleep and Sehun would hear him as if the wall between the two rooms didn’t exist. Their walls were paper-thin.

“Can I stay at your place tonight?” Sehun asks, looking over at Chanyeol. “Jongin has someone over.”

Chanyeol is bathed in golden light from the streetlights, and his side profile is absolutely beautiful. His dark hair is messy and curly, his eyelashes cast shadows down his cheeks, skin absolutely glowing. Sehun looks away, ignoring the way his heart tugs.

“Of course,” Chanyeol says, and even though Sehun has turned away he can hear the smile in Chanyeol’s voice, can practically see the dimple on Chanyeol’s cheeks.

Chanyeol reaches across the center console and squeezes Sehun’s thigh much like at the bar earlier, and Sehun presses his forehead against the glass of the passenger side window. He squeezes his eyes close and tries not to think about the man sitting next to him.

Tries not to think about the man’s boyfriend.

_____

Junmyeon is still awake when they come in. He’s sitting at his desk, the light from his computer illuminating his face, typing away furiously. He has headphones on, so his typing doesn’t stop until they come into view. He saves the documents he’s working on and closes his laptop, turning around in his office chair and taking off his glasses, rubbing his eyes.

“Sehunnie,” he greets. His voice is a bit rough, a little hoarse.

Sehun’s heart flips. He considers how much worse it would have been to have just gone home and having to listen to Jongin through the walls instead.

“Junmyeon, missed you tonight.” Sehun feels a bit stunned. The apartment looks exactly like he remembers it, it looks more lived in though. Chanyeol and Junmyeon are not exactly the role models of cleanliness and organization.

At the housewarming the whole place had been filled with people, every surface covered with bottles of alcohol and empty cups. It still looks the same as when it had just been Junmyeon, but now Chanyeol’s stuff is scattered about, co-existing.

Before all this, Sehun would have bounded in and thrown himself on the couch, would have demanded to know why Junmyeon hadn’t been there tonight, would have made him promise to be there next time. It all feels a bit off.

He knows he can’t really be angry. He’s kept telling himself, over and over again, but he can’t help the way his heart hurts. Junmyeon and Chanyeol were his best friends though, so if they were happy, then he was happy for them even if he can’t feel happy for himself.

“Jongin,” Chanyeol offers as a half-assed explanation, throwing his keys on a dish they have on a side table, before bounding over to where Junmyeon is still sitting. He grabs his face and kisses him softly, “Please tell you ate something at least.”

Sehun still doesn’t know what to do, watching this domesticity happen in front of him. He wants this, but he doesn’t know how to handle it, how to express his  _ need _ —for Junmyeon, for Chanyeol, for both of them. Doesn’t know how he can express it if he can’t even think about it himself. He loves them both so much, and they love each other, and they love him but as a friend. And he should love them as friends, and he can’t—he just  _ can’t _ .

“Jun’s been working on a draft of a very important manuscript for a very important— Ow!” Chanyeol cuts off when Junmyeon slaps him on the shoulder. “You’re stronger than you look!” He rubs his shoulder dramatically, “Why don’t you use your strong muscles and go get some blankets for poor Sehunnie, huh?”

Junmyeon laughs but gets up, leaving briefly to grab the blankets while Chanyeol pads to the kitchen pouring a glass of water which he hands to Sehun as Junmyeon comes back.

Sehun takes the water, his whole body feels dehydrated, throat parched, and he knows it’s because he’s here and not because of the alcohol.

_____

He’s laying on the couch, the lights from Seoul streaming in softly through the blinds as he considers the apartment. He feels a heavy weight like lead in his stomach, and he turns looking around, trying to make a list of all the ways Chanyeol is now entrenched here.

Tries to notice all the differences from before, like maybe if he could place them he could also erase them, make them just temporary, restore the apartment to the way it was before.

Before when it was just Junmyeon living there, and Chanyeol still lived across town with his sister and her boyfriend ( _ no way to live Sehunnie, no way at all’ he had always complained _ ). Junmyeon had always had had art all over the walls, and minimum furniture. Every free tabletop had been covered with papers all holding Junmyeon’s words. Now the bookcase was actually being utilized with Junmyeon’s journals (although there were random sheets of paper everywhere), and the papers were only scattered over the desk Junmyeon worked on into ungodly hours of the night. There were plants in the room, plants that Chanyeol managed to keep alive. There was also Chanyeol’s music equipment scattered around the room.

It was messy but there was something so cozy and home-y about the whole thing. Sehun felt a lump in his throat, it was clear Chanyeol and Junmyeon had made the small apartment wholly  _ theirs _ . It wasn’t Junmyeon’s apartment where Chanyeol moved in, it was both of theirs, and it hurt Sehun so, so much.

Maybe he had been fooling himself into thinking it was all temporary, as if he could turn back time and make it go back to how it was before—the three of them best friends with none of these feelings he couldn’t address or express. But he was being selfish. Being here, it was clear Junmyeon and Chanyeol weren’t temporary. And really, how could Sehun even think that? They had been friends for just as long as Sehun had been friends with them, longer. And Sehun had  _ left _ .

Sehun had left and he’d been foolish. Foolish to wish he would come back and slot back into his old life as if everything had been frozen in his absence. His time abroad had been great, he’d appreciated every moment of it, had such great experiences but time hadn’t stopped in Seoul.

Jongin had told him, had texted him when Sehun had still been in Canada, ‘ _ think Chanyeol and Junmyeon fucked tbh _ .’

It was only two months into his trip. Sehun hadn’t been doing the best job of getting over his feelings (still hasn’t) and the text had hit him like a bag of bricks. It was the first indication where Sehun had realized that maybe things wouldn’t be exactly the same when he’d get back.

He’d been in his dorm room, his roommate’s bed empty—out for the night. He had snuggled further into his blanket and had considered Jongin’s text. He remembered making a list of options:

  1. _A) Jongin wasn’t always reliable, but also_
  2. _B) he wondered if it had made things weird, if he would go back to Seoul and have his two best friends be weird with each other and in turn, with him. If he would have to split his time between the two._



_ ‘what makes u think that?’,  _ he had texted Jongin instead. Details first, because again A) Jongin wasn’t always reliable.

‘ _ baek says he walked in on them hehehe’  _ he texts along with a million stickers of a laughing face.  _ ‘at first i didn’t believe him bc like obvs baek but…. they’ve been weird’ _

__

Sehun had realized Jongin was probably trying to get Sehun to confirm or deny. Had probably been expecting Sehun to know, even hundreds of miles away in Canada. Sehun hadn’t known how to reply, had opted instead to turn his phone face down and roll over, settle further into the blankets.

That was the first time Sehun had considered Junmyeon and Chanyeol together. He’d known both of them for so long. It had never been a huge secret to anyone (except maybe to Junmyeon) that he had feelings for Junmyeon. Had always somewhere in the back of his mind thought they would end up together, as if their lives were a drama.

Even if his feelings always wavered between Junmyeon and Chanyeol, Sehun always knew it was Junmyeon in the end. At least he thought so.

Sehun had wanted to feel a bit mad at Chanyeol then, but he couldn’t. He had tried to conjure up those feelings, some sort of anger that his two best friends had hooked up and he had to hear it from  _ Jongin  _ who had heard it from  _ Baekhyun.  _ And why hadn’t Baekhyun told him? Probably had thought Sehun already knew, but  _ still _ —he had been half-way across the world and he would have appreciated to have been informed and not have to hear it from  _ Jongin  _ of all people.

But then his thoughts had switched a bit, and he had wondered how it had happened. At that point it was still hypothetical, or at least a one-off, and it was novel. It felt fake.

He wondered if Junmyeon had initiated. Liked the idea of Junmyeon initiating—the Junmyeon of his daydreams always initiated even though the Junmyeon of real life was much shyer than Sehun’s fantasies. He had considered texting Jongin back, asking for a few more details. What exactly had Baekhyun walked in on?

He had imagined Junmyeon on his knees, and then Chanyeol on his knees, flipping back and forth between the two. Trying to come up with the perfect scenario, filling in the details Jongin had left out.

He imagined the way Chanyeol would whimper as Junmyeon took him in his mouth. Sehun hadn’t touched himself then, had gotten uncomfortably hard, but had instead had flipped on to his stomach and forced himself to go to sleep. 

And now here he was. Thinking about it again as he laid on their couch in  _ their  _ apartment. He flipped his body, squishing his face against the couch cushion and trying to dispel any thoughts he had from that night in Canada, any thoughts he had about the two men in the bedroom ten feet away.

_____

He doesn’t wake up hungover. He considers folding the blankets and slipping out, maybe leaving a little note but that feels too much like a one-night stand and him sleeping over is definitely not that. Considers making coffee, he can still do that right? But doesn’t.

The apartment in the daylight still doesn’t feel fully familiar, and he doesn’t want to go rummaging around their cupboards looking for a mug and a spoon or whatever. He’s afraid everything would be switched around, like the familiarity from the night of the party would fully dispel. Doesn’t want to feel more lost in the apartment than he already does.

He settles for grabbing his phone, it’s only six thirty in the morning and he couldn’t have slept for more than four hours, but he had always had a hard time sleeping in anything other than his own bed.

He has two messages from Jongin.

**Jongin** 3:07am:  _ r u home ? _

**Jongin** 3:13am:  _ txt me !! be safe L _

__

A message from Kyungsoo.

**Kyungsoo** 1:57am:  _ baekhyun and I finally home. Thanks for bringing jongdae owe you one _

__

He doesn’t bother answering them, knows that Jongin is in a deep sleep and wouldn’t be awake before noon, figures there’s no point in texting just yet—especially if he’d probably get home before he wakes.

The bedroom door opens and Chanyeol pads out, footsteps soft as he avoids making noise, trying not to wake up Sehun probably thinking he’s still asleep.

Sehun has known Chanyeol too long and it’s too early for the way he feels for any of this to feel endearing. Yet, it is.

“I’m awake,” Sehun says, sitting up, running a hand through his hair, wondering how bad he looks right now but knows Chanyeol has seen him looking worse. Sehun stretches, heads into the kitchen behind Chanyeol.

“Junmyeonnie will be sleeping until dinnertime.” Chanyeol responds, voice rough. “You want coffee?” He opens a cupboard and takes out two mugs, Sehun notes it’s the same cupboard that the mugs have always been on and feels a bit more settled. Chanyeol in Junmyeon’s apartment isn’t new, he had been a familiar fixture before as well, Sehun just needs to readjust a bit.

“Yes, please.” And then, “Until dinnertime?”

Chanyeol sighs, turning on the coffee machine, and leaning against the countertop, looking at Sehun. “He’s been working on this manuscript for a production company, just you know editing or whatever, looking for inaccuracies and things. It’s not… like, it’s not one of his normal assignments.” Chanyeol looks a bit worried, biting his lip, his eyes keep darting between Sehun, the coffee machine, and the closed bedroom door. “He’s really excited about it, but he has to do it on top of his other work, you know. He keeps staying up too late, needs to catch up on the weekends.”

“Junmyeon’s always been like that,” Sehun mumbles.  _ Chanyeol already knows. _

Chanyeol pours them both a cup of coffee, preparing Sehun’s alongside his own before handing it to him. “I can make, uh, toast or something? For breakfast, if you’re hungry? I have to go to the studio soon, but I can be quick.”

“I’m fine, hyung.” Sehun says, stretches a bit. “I should probably head home.”

“Ah, relax. I can drop you off if you want.”

_____

When Chanyeol does drop him off an hour later, Jongin is still sleeping. Sehun crawls into bed with him, settling against the warm body.

Jongin makes a noise of comfort, hugging Sehun like a giant teddy bear. “Where were you?” His voice is half-asleep, words all mumbled and slurred together.

“You’re a bad roommate,” Sehun mutters instead, closing his eyes.

_____

He doesn’t know what time it is when he wakes up, Jongin’s room is dark, blinds closed tightly. Jongin isn’t there but Sehun can hear the TV in the living room. He gets up and walks sleepily into the living room, throwing himself against Jongin on the couch. He makes himself as small as possible, settling against Jongin, eyes focusing on the cooking show on TV.

“You left me.” Sehun says. “You don’t even know how to cook.”

“Neither do you,” Jongin responds.

“I manage.” Silence. Then, “Have you seen my phone?”

“Want me to call it?”

Sehun sits up, “Will you?” Rubs his eyes blearily. “What time is it anyway? Should probably work on homework.”

Jongin calls Sehun’s phone, but the apartment remains mostly silent save the noise from the TV and their breathing.

“Yah, why do you breathe so loud? I can barely hear if my phone is ringing.”

Jongin makes an affronted noise. Then snipes back, “Was it on silent?”

“Can’t remember,” Sehun manages to get out before the call connects and Chanyeol’s voice comes tiny through the speaker on Jongin’s phone.

“Jongin-ah?”

“Chanyeollie! You have Sehun’s phone!” Jongin puts it on speaker, angling it towards Sehun.

“He left it in my car.” Chanyeol’s voice is so deep.

“Ah, hyung, I’m sorry.” Sehun jumps in. “Where are you? I can go pick it up.”

“I’m at the studio, with Dae. I can drop it off after? You don’t need to come all the way here… Unless you need it, of course?”

He doesn’t  _ technically _ need his phone, but now that he knows he doesn’t have it he feels an itch under his skin.

“You can drop it off hyung.” Sehun says. “I’ll be here. Just uh, ring the bell.”

“Of course. I’ll be there later okay?”

_____

Sehun and Jongin are on the couch watching a drama when Chanyeol rings the bell. Almost instantly the itch Sehun had been feeling subsides. Jongin had been scrolling on his phone the entire time they had been watching TV and Sehun was ready to break the other’s phone in half.

It takes less than a minute for Chanyeol to knock on the door after Sehun buzzed him in, and Sehun has to hold himself still for half a second before ripping the door open.

Chanyeol looks a bit startled before letting out a laugh, “Miss your phone much?” He hands it over and Sehun clutches it to his chest dramatically.

“Missed it a normal amount.”

Chanyeol laughs, “You never answer any of your messages anyway.”

“I do too,” Sehun pouts a bit.

“Do not.”

“Do too.”

“Mature.” Chanyeol rolls his eyes exaggeratedly, grinning.

Sehun rolls his eyes just to tease back and opens the door wider, realizing that they’re still in the doorframe, “You wanna come in?”

“Nah,” Chanyeol says. “I’ve been gone all day, wanna see Jun.” There’s a faint blush on his neck as he says it, and he brings up his hand to rub his neck. Sehun feels his heart squeeze.

“Okay, well thanks. I hope it wasn’t too much to bring it here.”

“It wasn’t,” Chanyeol shakes his head, his eyes sincere. “You should have dinner with Jun and I one of these days.”

Sehun laughs playfully, moves past the way his heart had squeezed earlier. “Miss me already? I just had dinner with you yesterday.”

“I was serious about you not answering your texts,” Chanyeol replies, tone serious. “Plus it’s been too long since it was just us three.”

Sehun looks away, eyes unfocusing a bit. “Yeah, we can, uh, do dinner. The three of us”

“Soon, yeah?” Chanyeol grabs his arm then, giving it a quick squeeze. “I’ll text you.”

_____

Chanyeol true to his word does text him. He texts that night.

**Chanyeol** 10:31pm:  _ wanna get dinner next week sometime? Maybe nxt Saturday _

__

**Chanyeol** 10:32pm:  _ sure hyung _

__

Saturday is still almost a week away.

_____

Jongin storms into the apartment Tuesday night, making Sehun look up from where he had thrown himself on the couch, limbs hanging off the back. He was exhausted from his internship. His class load was lighter because of the internship, and while the work was rewarding, the long hours still got to him.

“You okay?” Sehun asks, examining Jongin wearily. Jongin seemed a bit askew from where Sehun laid, although it might have been the fact that hanging off the couch like he was, everything was flipped.

“Let’s go out,” Jongin says, standing determinedly at the end of the couch.

“What do you mean? It’s Tuesday…”

“So? I’m sure there’s people out today! There’s always people out.”

Sehun sits up, full attention on Jongin. “Did something happen? What’s going on?”

“What happened is that I want to go out and get drunk.”

Sehun rolls his eyes, “Jongin.”

“Are you in?”

Sehun sighs, knows better than to push it when Jongin is like this, and grabs his phone. “Sure, let me just ask and see if anyone wants to come yeah?”

_____

The unlikely duo of Baekhyun and Junmyeon agree to go out. Sehun had called Chanyeol who had declined but had volunteered Junmyeon, while it didn’t take much to push Baekhyun to go out especially if Sehun whined just a little bit.

Baekhyun had told them that Yixing had a show at a club so they agreed to go there. Sehun still didn’t know exactly what was wrong with Jongin. Jongin was a master of evading even the most innocent sounding question.

The club was surprisingly full for a Tuesday night when Sehun and Jongin arrived. Jongin had immediately gone to the bar, and Sehun had followed reluctantly. He wasn’t sure whether he should drink or not, but he wanted to keep an eye on Jongin.

He stood a bit away from the bar, not wanting to block other patrons and giving Jongin a bit of space. Jongin had been buzzing before at the apartment and on the way to the club. It seemed like his skin was vibrating, eyes a bit wild, and Sehun hoped that Jongin shared what was wrong sooner rather than later.

Baekhyun arrived soon after, slinking up to Sehun where he had been watching Jongin. “Found you,” he muttered into Sehun’s ear, blowing a bit and laughing as Sehun recoiled.

“Gross, personal space.” Sehun pushed him away.

Baekhyun laughed more. “You’re too easy Sehunnie. Now, what are we drinking?” He inched closer to the bar, pushing Sehun along.

Jongin was further down, chatting comfortably with the bartender as his drink was being prepared. Sehun knew him too well though, or had been watching him too closely, but despite Jongin’s smile there was a slight tremor to his hands, a rigidity in his posture that showed he wasn’t fully comfortable, that there was something weighing on him.

“I don’t know.” Sehun shrugged, tearing his eyes away from Jongin and looking towards Baekhyun. “Have you talked to Jongin today? He seemed upset when he came home.”

Baekhyun’s eyes shifted to where Jongin was sitting, and he nodded. “I know he’s upset. That’s why I agreed to come out. Well that, and because I enjoy your company so much, of course.”

Sehun ignores Baekhyun’s teasing. “Why is he upset?”

“Ah, you have to promise not to tell him I told you.”

Sehun nods, and Baekhyun leans up, his mouth close to Sehun’s ear. This time it’s not playful, no purposeful hot breath. “Jongin asked Kyungsoo out on a date. And Kyungsoo said no. But, I mean, he said it really badly. Jongin didn’t get the hint that it was a firm no, you know how he is, bratty just like you. And, Kyungsoo was kinda harsh.”

“You heard all this?”

“I was there. Us three were getting lunch.”

Before Sehun can respond, there’s a new voice.

“Am I interrupting?” Sehun looks up, eyes locking with Junmyeon’s. His eyes are dark, looking between Sehun and Baekhyun. The lights from the club are drawing shadows on his face and Sehun thinks he looks beautiful like that, a bit untouchable.

“Nah,” Baekhyun says, standing up straighter. “Was just telling Sehunnie here that he should buy me a drink, don’t you think?” Baekhyun wraps a hand around Sehun’s waist, squeezing once as a reminder to not tell before dropping his arm.

Sehun’s still watching Junmyeon as he nods, “Yeah, whatever you want hyung.” He was a bit enthralled, his heart pounding in his ears. Junmyeon stood a few feet away, hands tucked casually into jeans, a threadbare black t-shirt outlining his shoulders. He looked so unbearably beautiful it tugged at Sehun’s heart a bit.

Junmyeon frowns a bit. “Shouldn’t you buy his drinks? You’re his hyung.” His tone is a bit sour and Sehun feels caught off-guard at the iciness.

“Well then, you’re my hyung so buy us both drinks.” Baekhyun taunts harshly. “Vodka lemonades. C’mon Sehunnie. Let’s go find a booth.” Baekhyun makes a motion to catch Jongin’s eyes and mouths  _ booth  _ before wrapping a hand around Sehun’s wrist and leading him away.

They find a booth with a clear view of the stage, the table is a bit sticky but it’s not completely disgusting and the place is too crowded to be too picky. Sehun slides in across from Baekhyun, turning towards the stage. “What time is Yixing going on?

“Anytime now.” Baekhyun answers, glancing at his phone, before looking up and grinning at Sehun. “I don’t think Yixing is doing anything new tonight, but there’s quite a few people, yeah?”

Sehun nods absently, looking around. The club is much fuller than it should be for a random Tuesday, bodies pressed up against each other as people push to get better views, or push to the outer edges to have more space to dance.

Yixing’s part of the show starts before Junmyeon and Jongin make it back. The crowd at that point goes a bit wild, bodies pressing against each other tighter than before. Sehun knows that even if they tried Junmyeon and Jongin would never be able to push against the mass and make their way to where Sehun and Baekhyun are sitting.

Yixing’s show is good. It must be obvious to everyone there how much Yixing is enjoying himself, the enthusiasm is contagious. Sehun thinks Chanyeol would have loved this performance.

Sehun is absorbed in the show, in the way Yixing seemed to be controlling the audience, holding them suspended on his every note when Junmyeon shows up. Sehun’s surprised, Junmyeon’s somehow holding on to two drinks, both half-full. He sets them both down before sliding in next to Sehun.

He smiles softly, as he sits down before looking over at the stage. Sehun, who had been so captivated in the performance suddenly feels it all be too much. Having Junmyeon so close. He presses himself further back into the booth trying to create more distance. He takes a swig of the vodka lemonade, giving a smile of thanks to Junmyeon.

The watered down vodka lemonade doesn’t exactly calm him down, everything shifting into hyper-focus so that for the rest of the performance all Sehun can look at is the shape of Junmyeon’s jaw.

It’s not until it’s over and they can hear each other better that Baekhyun leans over, still shouting. “I’m going to go find Yixing and get another drink okay? Find Jongin yeah?” He slides out of the booth then, leaving Junmyeon and Sehun alone.

Sehun still feels too on-edge and can’t look directly at Junmyeon. He can feel Junmyeon’s eyes on him though, and that makes him flush.

“Hey, Sehunnie, I’m—”

Sehun cuts Junmyeon off. “Thanks for the drink, hyung.” He manages to look at Junmyeon, looking right between his eyes.

“I spilled most of it.” Junmyeon sighs. “Wanted to get back quick.”

“It’s okay.” Sehun says for lack of anything else.

“We should find Jongin?” Junmyeon’s tone is soft, unsure.

Sehun nods, still not able to look directly at Junmyeon. “Yeah, let’s find Jongin.”

Junmyeon squeezes Sehun’s thigh once, right above the knee, shooting a bolt of electricity straight through Sehun. He slides off the booth and looks back at where Sehun is still frozen, caught off-guard.

“Are you alright?”

Sehun can’t help but look at Junmyeon then, Junmyeon’s eyes filled with concern and Sehun nods once, standing up. “Yeah, let’s find Jongin.”

_____

They find Jongin on the dance floor. He’s holding a drink, and seems a bit busy dancing with a slightly shorter man.

Sehun leans forward so he can speak into Junmyeon’s ear, the bass in the club too loud. It’s between sets now and the bodies aren’t quite so pressed together. “Think we probably shouldn’t interrupt.”

Junmyeon jumps a bit, and Sehun straightens up, not realizing he had gotten quite so close to Junmyeon. “Sorry,” he mumbles as Junmyeon turns around. Junmyeon nods once, eyes unreadable.

“Should we dance?” Junmyeon has to shout a bit to be heard over the music. He’s looking around at the people surrounding them. Everyone’s dancing, sweating as they jump around to the beat.

Sehun nods, trying to feel the beat and move his body. His movements feel a bit jerky and he wishes he had another drink. He keeps an eye on Jongin though, feeling the music a bit more. It switches to something a little lighter, not quite so bass-heavy and Sehun looks over at Junmyeon, meeting the other’s eyes.

Junmyeon is looking at Sehun intently, and Sehun flushes under the attention, and then suddenly Junmyeon is pressed against Sehun, lips almost brushing over Sehun’s ear as he says, “What were you doing with Baekhyun earlier?”

“What?” Sehun isn’t sure what Junmyeon is saying, the feel of Junmyeon so close making a shiver run through his whole body. Sehun presses closer, too close. It’s unnecessary. The music is loud, but not loud enough for them to be flushed together like they are. Sehun feels intoxicated just by how close Junmyeon is.

“Baekhyun?” Junmyeon says again, lips practically kissing Sehun’s ear. Sehun is absolute putty, his knees going weak. In the back of his mind he knows they’re too close, wonders if Junmyeon can hear the way Sehun’s heart is racing.

“Why are we talking about Baekhyun?” He can’t help when his tone is a bit whiny, a bit breathless. “Let’s dance, yeah.” In an act of bravery, he grabs Junmyeon’s hips, sneaking his fingers under Junmyeon’s thin t-shirt, pressing his fingertips against the soft skin there. His fingertips feel like they’re burning.

Sehun starts moving to the beat, moving Junmyeon along. His mind flashes to Chanyeol briefly, but he pushes the thought away, tells himself he would dance like this with Jongin or even Baekhyun.

He knows his intentions are maybe not the most pure. Everything about Junmyeon is intoxicating.

There’s some hesitancy to Junmyeon and he pushes himself away, doesn’t move Sehun’s hands though. The space is too much for Sehun, instantly misses the way Junmyeon’s body had felt flush against him and he presses forward, bending his knees slightly to even out their height.

He can feel Junmyeon’s body heat even with the distance, can feel Junmyeon’s pulse under his fingertips, and he presses even closer, needs to feel Junmyeon. He wraps his arms around Junmyeon’s waist, a bit tighter. They feel impossibly close with only the thin layers of fabric between them.

“Junmyeon,” he whispers into Junmyeon’s ear, grazing the lobe slightly with his teeth. Their bodies are pressed together and Sehun  _ wants _ . Intent interlaced in his every movement.

_ Too much, too much, this is too much.  _ Sehun knows he would never do this with anyone without the intent being there. Knows he’s never wanted something so bad in his life. Knows it’s too much.

“Sehun,” Junmyeon says, flushing against him, his body slack as he lets Sehun lead. Sehun feels like he’s burning.

Then suddenly Junmyeon steps back. Sehun’s arms dropping instantaneously. “We should go find Baek and Yixing, yeah?” Junmyeon’s not meeting Sehun’s eyes and Sehun feels a lump rise in his throat, his whole body cold.

“I, I need to go to the restroom. You go look for them,” he feels the tears coming, pushes past Junmyeon, past where Jongin had been dancing, gone now. He doesn’t know what he was doing, doesn’t know why he did it. He’s an idiot. He pushes into the bathroom, thankfully empty. The tears are falling freely. He feels sick.

He half expects Junmyeon to come in, but he doesn’t and Sehun cries harder. The sobs are coming heavy even as he tries to splash water on his face, rubs his eyes roughly.

He feels so infinitely small, so silly. He’s not sure what he expected. Why he pushed Junmyeon like that.

And then there’s  _ Chanyeol _ . Sweet, sweet Chanyeol who has been nothing but a good friend to Sehun, had been so kind to welcome Sehun back. And Sehun had been so selfish.

He’s not surprised when Baekhyun comes in. Knows he’s probably been gone long enough that  _ someone _ would have come. Even if it’s not Junmyeon.

Sehun knows it’s for the best.

“Sehun,” Baekhyun’s tone is soft but critical. He sighs, taking Sehun’s appearance. Sehun can’t look into the mirror to face the trainwreck he’s sure he looks like.

“Baek, I ruined everything,” as he says this another sob wracks his body, the tears flowing freely as he flings himself onto Baekhyun.

“Sehun,” Baekhyun says, hugging him even as he staggers back at bit at Sehun’s weight.

Sehun feels the sobs dissipate a bit as Baekhyun rubs his back and mutters words of encouragement.

It’s not until his eyes have dried out and he starts hiccupping that he stands up, peeling himself off Baekhyun.

Baekhyun grimaces a bit as he looks at Sehun, “Frankly you look like shit. Let’s head home yeah? You can stay at my place.”

“But Jongin,” Sehun starts. A new guilty feeling spreading through his chest, he can feel fresh tears spring to his eyes, blurring his vision and Baekhyun must notice because he reaches over and pinches Sehun’s upper arm.

“Hey, no more crying. You might not have noticed but we are in a public restroom.” Baekhyun scrunches his nose. “Plus, Yixing and Jun already took Jongin. He was drunk off his ass.”

“They left?” He knows he shouldn’t but he feels a bit betrayed.

“He was really drunk, Sehun,” Baekhyun’s voice is soft, as if reading Sehun’s thoughts. He wraps a hand loosely around Sehun’s wrist, tugging slightly. “Let’s go, yeah? You should feel honored I don’t let many men into my bed.”

_____

The feeling of guilt doesn’t go away, in fact, Sehun can almost feel it growing in his chest. He doesn’t cry though. Baekhyun’s body is warm, an arm over Sehun grounding him. He’s sure that if Baekhyun were to remove his arm he would float away, hit the ceiling, and break into a million little pieces.

He doesn’t know how long he’s been laying there. All he knows is he needs to apologize, and in the dark he reaches across Baekhyun to the night stand to grab his phone. His body feels like it’s moving against current, slow and sluggish, almost against his will.

“What are you doing?” Baekhyun mumbles, tone colder than Sehun had heard it all night.

“I just need my phone.”

“No, you need to sleep.” Baekhyun pushes Sehun back down. “Whatever it is can wait until morning. Jongin is with Yixing anyway.”

“Not about Jongin,” Sehun mumbles, he feels his body flush from embarrassment.

Baekhyun sits up then, even in the moonlight Sehun can see Baekhyun’s glare. “There’s no way I’m going to let you talk to Junmyeon right now.”

“Baekhyun, he needs to know–”

“No, Sehun.” Baekhyun is firm. “I don’t know what happened but you clearly need to leave him alone tonight—at least for tonight.”

“It wasn’t his fault. It was all me.” Sehun begs. His eyes sting from how dry they are even as the lump in his throat grows bigger.

“Sehun,” Baekhyun softens. “Whatever it was, I know it wasn’t just you.”

“How would you know?” Sehun snaps. “You weren’t there. You don’t know what I did.”

Baekhyun rolls his eyes pointedly, “How do you think I found you? Junmyeon was basically in the same state as you. Well, way less tears, but panicking.” Baekhyun sighs and flops down on to the bed. “Sehun, you’re a real idiot, you know.”

“I know, hyung.” Sehun whines, he can’t help the way his voice cracks. “I fucked up so bad.”

“I think you had fucked up before,” Baekhyun sighs, he’s looking at Sehun, biting thoughtfully on his bottom lip. “I’m friends with a bunch of idiots.”

Sehun doesn’t know what to say to that, instead lets the tears fall freely.

Baekhyun sighs again, a bit melodramatic. “You know when you asked about Jun and I hooking up? And I said something about him loving someone else.”

“You didn’t say that,” Sehun mumbles, listening. He honestly can’t remember, but he’s sure he would have remembered something like that.

“Well whether I did or didn’t—and I’m sure I did,” Baekhyun says pointedly. “When I said, I was hoping you’d get the hint.”

“The hint?”

“You really are an idiot, Sehun. Junmyeon was in love with you. And honestly, I’m not sure he ever got over it. God,” Baekhyun sounds exasperated, tired. “Do you know how fucked up he was when you left? He barely ate, barely slept. He worked himself to the bone. I know you might hate to hear it but Chanyeol helped him so much.” Baekhyun shakes his head. “Even tonight? When we were at the bar, he was obviously jealous when we were talking.”

“He wasn’t.” Sehun doesn’t know what else to say, he’s still crying. The guilt in his chest is growing, thinking of how Junmyeon must have been makes him wish he could go back, do it all over again. Be better.

“You need to figure out your shit, Sehun. If you have feelings for Junmyeon you need to figure that out because if you care for him at all you’d realize he’s happy with Chanyeol.”

“I know, hyung. I do care. I’m happy he’s happy.” Sehun manages to get out, voice wobbly. “I love Chanyeol too, I don’t—I didn’t mean to hurt either of them.”

Baekhyun sighs, rolls over, “Let’s just go to bed, yeah? I’m sure you’ll feel more clear in the morning. Decide what to do then.”

“Hyung, I just feel so bad,” he can’t help the way his body shakes as he cries. “I love them both so, so much. I never wanted to hurt either of them.”

“I know, Sehun, I know.” Baekhyun says, enveloping him.

_____

Sehun wakes up and wishes he was hungover.

There’s not even a moment of peace, he wakes up with a deep feeling of guilt. Both Baekhyun and his phone aren’t in the room, and Sehun rolls to his side, pulling his knees up to his chest as he stares at the emptiness in Baekhyun’s room.

He doesn’t know how else to feel.

He’s dehydrated and feels sweaty as if he had been running a fever all night. In the daylight his thoughts are more rationalized. He knows he needs to get up, find Baekhyun, get his phone, and apologize to Junmyeon. Knows it’s going to take much more than a simple apology but it’s a start.

There’s another part of him though that’s working hard to keep the panic at bay. That thinks that maybe none of it mattered, that maybe it wasn’t a big deal. Lots of people dance closely with their friends in clubs. He’d had alcohol (not a lot, a voice reminds him), there was the adrenaline rush from Yixing’s show and the club and going out. It didn’t mean anything and Sehun overreacted.

That part is weak though.

Under the guilt and the panic though, there’s another feeling that is uglier. Sehun keeps remembering how it felt to have Junmyeon so close, his whole chest flushing with the feeling. A small part of his brain wants to explore this further, wants to entertain what-ifs and daydream scenarios. Sehun pushes this part way down, wants to drown it in his own guilt.

He’s still staring blankly when he hears a soft voice outside the door, Baekhyun, “No, look, he’s still sleeping, okay? I’ll let you know when he wakes up.” And then Baekhyun is swinging the door open as he hangs up.

“You’re up,” his tone is flat, eyes watching Sehun wearily. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m—about the same as yesterday,” Sehun hopes his point comes across as he reaches up to rub his eyes a bit.

“Junmyeon called.” Baekhyun seems a bit hesitant.

Sehun makes grabby hands towards his phone, his heart racing.

Baekhyun shakes his head once, “No. You need to get up, shower, and eat some breakfast before I let you anywhere near your phone.”

“You’re not my mom.”

Baekhyun rolls his eyes. “I’m trying to be your friend. Go shower,” he says before shoving Sehun’s phone in his pocket and stalking off.

_____

“After long thought,” Sehun says, padding into the kitchen. He had taken a warm shower and changed into a pair of Baekhyun’s sweatpants and a white t-shirt that shouldn’t have fit Sehun as well as it did but Baekhyun wore all his clothes approximately four sizes too big. “I’ve decided,” Sehun pauses for dramatic effect, feeling slightly better than this morning. “While I am still holding a grudge because you’re holding my phone hostage, I am willing to forgive you just this once.”

Baekhyun rolls his eyes dramatically. “Brat. Now eat, and then we’ll see about that phone of yours.”

“Did you make this?” Sehun looks at the plate in front of him, the food looks decidedly edible—in fact, it looks appetizing.

“Kyungsoo. This morning,” Baekhyun answers. “I’m not exactly MasterChef.”

“Does he know?” Sehun asks, a small frown on his lips. He wonders if everybody knows.

“I had to chew him out didn’t I? I mean if he hadn’t been a complete ass to Jongin then we wouldn’t have been there right?” Baekhyun smiles tentatively, before sighing. “Junmyeon called him last night on his way home. I didn’t tell him. I don’t know what he knows.”

Sehun nods once, wonders what Junmyeon had said exactly. “Where’s Dae?” He looks around the empty apartment, it’s too silent.

“It’s Wednesday, he’s at work.” Baekhyun looks over Sehun’s momentarily panicked expression before cutting in, “He said he’ll forgive you this one time for bailing. Just eat your food and stop worrying, okay?”

Sehun listens. When he’s done he takes his plate to the sink, washes it slowly before turning to where Baekhyun had retreated to the living room, on his laptop. “Should I call him now?”

Baekhyun pats the seat next to him, beckoning for Sehun to take a seat. Sehun hesitates before sitting down, looking at Baekhyun questioningly. He feels a little too much like a kid, following directions much easier than he would normally.

“I feel like I was a little harsh with you last night, but I want to reiterate what I said,” Baekhyun starts. “If you have feelings for Junmyeon you need to figure that out. When you left last year, it really hurt him Sehun. And then it seemed like it was either radio silence or sporadic texts in the middle of the night. I don’t know if he said anything to you about it at that time, but it was hard to watch.”

Sehun can’t look at Baekhyun, doesn’t want to think about how he hurt Junmyeon, not after the immense guilt he feels from last night. He thinks maybe one crisis is enough.

“Chanyeol and Junmyeon aren’t the perfect couple by any stretch of the imagination, but I know you know they’re happy so just… be thoughtful, yeah?”

Sehun nods. “I will, hyung.” Maybe it’s the fact that Baekhyun rarely speaks quite so seriously that has Sehun asking, “Can I tell you something?”

Sehun looks up briefly, and Baekhyun nods once, encouraging.

“I do love Junmyeon. I love him so much sometimes I don’t know what to do. I care for Chanyeol too. More than as just a friend. When I found out they were together,” he shakes his head a bit. “When I see them together—it’s all so much.”

Baekhyun is looking at Sehun with soft eyes. Sehun doesn’t want to read pity into it but it feels awfully close to it.

“It’s always been both of them. Always them.” Sehun tries to articulate the way he’s been feeling. “All the feelings I’ve had for Chanyeol and Junmyeon are still here, even though I know they’re together—I know they’ve made their choice, but. It hurts. Being second best, second choice. It’s like my two best friends, the two people I’ve ever loved chose each other, and left me out.” Sehun bites his lip. “That’s no excuse though, I understand that. I am happy for them, I know what I did last night doesn’t show that, but I am. Junmyeon and Chanyeol, they both deserve the best.”

Baekhyun rubs Sehun’s back. “It’ll be okay, Sehunnie. Everything will work out.”

_____

Sehun ends up locked in the bathroom with his phone, finger hovering over Junmyeon’s contact information. Sehun had checked his messages and missed calls. Hadn’t bothered to answer any other messages, but had scrolled through a series of texts Junmyeon had sent sometime before dawn.

**Junmyeon** 5:31am:  _ sehunnie let’s talk _

**Junmyeon** 5:32am:  _ please call me when you see this I really think we should talk _

**Junmyeon** 5:33am:  _ I’m not mad at you sehun, just give me a call when you can _

**Junmyeon** 6:12am:  _ sehun _

There’s three missed calls and one voice message, but Sehun is too on edge to listen to the voice message, pressing delete right before Junmyeon’s voice fills the room.

He calls Junmyeon then, not wanting to delay the inevitable.

“Sehun?” Junmyeon sounds slightly out of breath and Sehun’s heart clenches.

“Junmyeon,” his voice is barely above a whisper.

“Sehun, I’m so glad you called.” Junmyeon’s voice is static-y but Sehun can hear something like relief in his tone.

“Hyung, I wanted to apologize for last night.”

“Oh?”

“I don’t know what got over me,” Sehun says. “I just, I got carried away. I’m really sorry for the way I behaved.”

Junmyeon is silent. The silence stretches so that Sehun wonders if Junmyeon is waiting for him to continue his half-assed apology or if maybe he had hung up. Sehun looks at the phone in his hand, watching the seconds tick by on the call.

“Hyung?”

“What way?” Junmyeon finally asks, his tone feels off and Sehun’s stomach twists.

“The dancing.” Sehun says.

“What dancing?” Junmyeon sounds so cold, and Sehun should be expecting it, but the tone is a complete 180 from before and it’s throwing him off.

“At the club, when I got all close to you. I obviously shouldn’t have touched you like that.”

“Touched me like what?”

Sehun feels the humiliation building, he wants to throw up, wants to hang up and never talk to anyone ever again. He pushes through the humiliation.

“Like, like… the way I did. All close.” He can’t elaborate, refuses to elaborate.

“You got carried away.” Junmyeon is repeating Sehun’s earlier words but they sound so cold coming from Junmyeon that Sehun doesn’t know what else to say.

When it’s clear that Junmyeon isn’t going to say anything further, Sehun steps in, hesitating. He suddenly wishes he hadn’t called, needs to see Junmyeon’s face to understand. “I really am sorry, hyung. You don’t have to forgive me. I understand if you don’t want to see me again.” Sehun’s not sure the last part is completely true, but he’s hoping Junmyeon understands how sorry he is.

“I get it, Sehun.” Junmyeon sighs, sounds resigned. His tone calmer, soft in Sehun’s ears. “I get it. It was all a mistake.”

Sehun frowns. There’s something off about that word—mistake. It erases his fault. Before he can say this, tell Junmyeon that he’s to blame and he would be okay if Junmyeon was a little angrier, Junmyeon is talking. “I haven’t slept at all Sehunnie, so I’m gonna go, okay?”

“Yes, hyung, of course.” Sehun nods before he realizes that there’s no way Junmyeon can see and mutters yes again.

“I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

_____

Despite Junmyeon’s reassurances that it was fine and that they would talk they don’t. Even if Sehun had said that he wouldn’t have blamed Junmyeon if he never talked to him again, he can’t help but feel anxious the rest of the week. He doesn’t blame Junmyeon, he recognizes it’s his own doing and selfishness that caused all this but he would have appreciated any sort of indication that Junmyeon wasn’t completely avoiding Sehun.

Not that Sehun had reached out either though, the guilt had made a home in his chest and he felt too embarrassed to reach out to Junmyeon.

He’s shocked when on Saturday he wakes up with a call from Chanyeol. Hadn’t expected to hear from Chanyeol at all, but the photo ID is staring at Sehun and there’s no way Sehun hallucinating this. He answers quickly, rubbing his eyes and hoping his voice doesn’t sound like like he just woke up even if he just had. It’s closer to two in the afternoon than morning, so Sehun clears his throat once before answering.

“Hello?” His voice unfortunately does betray him, it’s thick and gravelly the way it usually is when he wakes and Sehun reaches for a half-empty water bottle that’s on his nightstand.

“Hey, Sehunnie! I didn’t wake you, did I?” Chanyeol’s voice is much too sunny for Sehun and slightly teasing. He doesn’t wait for Sehun to answer before he keeps going. “I was thinking we could meet around eight? Does that sound okay? It might be a bit late.” There’s some shouting in the background and Sehun tries to collect his thoughts. The incident on Tuesday and the following silence from Junmyeon had erased any possibility of their planned dinner from Sehun’s mind. In fact, Chanyeol’s sunny disposition is making him think this is all some sort of joke.

“Sorry, I’m at the studio, I just wanted to call and make sure we were still on for tonight.” Chanyeol says, the noise in the background fading. This time he does wait for Sehun to answer.

“Yeah, uh, eight is good.” Sehun is at a loss of what else to say. Doesn’t understand why Chanyeol would talk to him at all if he’s honest.

“Great! I’ll make a reservation and send you the address, I know this place that’s kinda lowkey, shouldn’t be too busy.” Chanyeol’s optimism is clear and Sehun is thoroughly confused.

“Chanyeol?” The question of whether he knows is on Sehun’s lips, but he stops himself. “Is Junmyeon coming?” He asks instead.

“Of course, why wouldn’t he?”

Sehun feels like a piece of shit as he says, “No reason.”

Chanyeol hums thoughtfully, “He’s been really stressed this whole week, I think it’ll be good for all of us to get together.”

Sehun doesn’t know what to say. More and more often he’s been feeling at a loss of words and he knows sooner or later he’s going to implode, there’s no way this can keep going. He swallows the bile that’s rising in his throat, and mutters, “Maybe it’s work.”

Chanyeol sighs, “Yeah, maybe.” There’s an awkward beat of silence before Chanyeol’s sunny voice comes back, “I’ll see you tonight then.”

_____

The queasy feeling doesn’t leave Sehun all day. He wishes he could cancel, but he isn’t sure what excuse he could give that wouldn’t be totally transparent.

The restaurant Chanyeol had chosen is relatively new, tucked between an apartment building and an antique store; it’s further from Sehun’s apartment and the patrons inside seem a little older than Sehun. It’s nice though, private and cozy.

Chanyeol and Junmyeon haven’t arrived yet. Chanyeol had texted Sehun they were running late, and Sehun considered standing outside waiting for them, but the early winter nights aren’t exactly ideal to stand outside in, so Sehun heads inside.

He’s taken to a table near the back, and fiddles for a bit. He feels a bit silly sitting in the restaurant waiting for Chanyeol and Junmyeon to arrive. He still isn’t sure where he stands with Junmyeon and he definitely doesn’t know how to act around Chanyeol and yet he’d somehow had agreed to have dinner with them alone. He considers cancelling again but knows he’s definitely too late.

**Sehun** 8:06pm:  _ baek pls call me in like 45 min if this dinner goes south I need an out _

__

**Baekhyun** 8:09pm:  _??? _

__

Baekhyun’s message is so unhelpful that Sehun wishes he could throttle him through the phone.

**Sehun** 8:09pm:  _ im serious im panicking what am I doing here _

__

**Baekhyun** 8:10pm:  _ relax sehun u said jun said everythings ok? no? _

__

**Sehun** 8:10pm:  _ he SAID but we haven’t talked since L _

__

**Baekhyun** 8:12pm:  _ probs busy _

__

Sehun’s about to congratulate Baekhyun on being the driest, most unhelpful texter in the history of the world when Chanyeol’s voice interrupts his train of thought.

“Am I late?” Chanyeol slides into the seat in front of Sehun, flashing him a smile that has his dimples on full display.

“Not really,” Sehun says.

Chanyeol smiles brighter at that if possible and Sehun looks around, “Where’s Junmyeon?”

Chanyeol’s smile doesn’t leave his face, but it dims a bit, seems a bit more forced as Chanyeol looks down at the menu. “Ah, something came up with work. You know him.”

Sehun has a feeling it has nothing to do with work, knows it’s likely because of him. He takes a drink of water.

Chanyeol had visited the restaurant a few times before, and gives Sehun his recommendations. They decide on the dishes together to share, probably more than what two people can eat in one sitting, but Chanyeol seems excited about every dish and Sehun doesn’t have the heart to turn down any of the suggestions. The wait for their food isn’t long, the waiter setting down so many plates that Sehun knows they’ll never be able to finish it all.

Sehun is a bit startled when his phone vibrates and starts ringing. He glances at the screen.  _ Baekhyun _ .

He feels momentary gratitude for his friend before silencing the phone.

“Are you not going to take that?” Chanyeol had been in the middle of describing a mishap with an intern at the agency and Sehun looks up, shakes his head a bit. “It seems important,” Chanyeol points at the phone with a chopstick. The screen is still lit up and vibrating. “Could be an emergency.”

“Ah,” Sehun grabs it. “Do you mind?” He knows it’s not an emergency but he also knows Baekhyun probably won’t stop trying until he gets some indication from Sehun that he doesn’t need rescuing.

Sehun heads to the restroom, pressing answer as he goes. “Hello?”

“You good?” Baekhyun is stage whispering. “Should I scream to make it more realistic?”

“No!” Sehun says quickly, he wouldn’t put it past Baekhyun to actually scream. “It’s fine, hyung. It’s just Chanyeol. Junmyeon didn’t show.” Sehun tries to ignore the way his heart feels like it’s slowly being chipped away, tries to make his voice casual. Something else in Sehun must be taking over because he puts his phone on speaker and clicks through his messages, going to the ones between him and Junmyeon. The last one is still from Wednesday, looking more and more like lies.

**Sehun** 9:03pm:  _ hyung pls talk to me _

__

It’s desperate and Sehun regrets it as soon as he sends it. He needs to get out, turn off his phone and maybe never turn it back on again.

“Baek, I have to go. Thank you for calling.” He hangs up before Baekhyun can say anything. He knows Baekhyun will chew him out for being rude but Sehun doesn’t care. He powers off his phone and shoves it deep into his pockets. He washes his hands just to give him something methodical and mundane to calm his nerves before heading back out.

Chanyeol is still eating, phone in hand, and Sehun slides back on to his chair.

“Everything okay?” Chanyeol asks setting his phone face down and examining Sehun.

“Yeah, it was just Baekhyun, no big deal.” Sehun tries to give Chanyeol his cheeriest smile but he’s sure he looks more pained than anything.

“You sure?” Chanyeol seems to read right through him.

“Never better,” Sehun answers, grabbing his chopsticks and reaching for a piece of meat.

_____

Talking to Chanyeol is so easy. The guilt over Junmyeon is still there, but Chanyeol somehow makes Sehun forget it—almost. It makes no sense, Chanyeol is as intricately involved in Sehun’s guilt as Junmyeon is, but Chanyeol has always been so  _ easy, _ so  _ comfortable _ .

The drinks flow freely. They alternate between soju and beer, and they should probably move to another location, the restaurant not necessarily being the liveliest of drinking places, but Sehun is having too much fun to really care if every once in a while a patron shoots them a concerning look.

They had just ordered another round when Chanyeol glances at his watch and groans. “God, it’s getting late.”

Sehun can’t help pouting a little bit, knows that Chanyeol is right and that they probably shouldn’t have ordered that last round. “Just this last round,” he whines.

Chanyeol’s ears are a bit red, his tell-tale for being just the right amount of tipsy, and his eyes are glassy and wide as he nods. “Last round.”

Their last round ends up being two, but then Chanyeol is pulling himself up, slightly unsteady on his long limbs and says, “Ok, really this time. Junmyeon’s going to kill me, I told him I’d be home hours ago.”

“He won’t kill you,” Sehun’s head felt light, a bit hazy.

Chanyeol frowns, taking out his phone and scrolling through his notifications. He’s still standing by the table, and there’s a few other diners who are looking at Chanyeol in annoyance. “He’s been a little snipey recently.”

Sehun shifts uncomfortably in his seat. Even through the haze of alcohol it feels wrong—he shouldn’t be hearing Chanyeol complain about his relationship with Junmyeon. The selfish part of him reminds him that’s what friends do, listen to each other’s problems. And he wants to know, wants to know all the intricacies of their relationship.

But the bigger part of him knows it’s wrong, it’s not just any friend. It’s something completely different when Sehun feels somehow caught in the middle. He’s the cause for the way Junmyeon’s been acting and he knows that.

Chanyeol stuffs his phone back in his pocket and grins mischievously at Sehun, “Let’s get another round? There’s a bar not far from here.”

_____

The bar Chanyeol takes him to is busy, bodies pressed together in booths and on the small dance floor. The music is loud, but not unbearably. Around them people are having loud conversations, casually holding drinks and moving to the beat. There’s a giant glass tank above where the bar is, a myriad of fishes swimming around a fake reef.

Chanyeol wastes no time in making his way towards the bar, his long limbs in his favor as he pushes past people. He orders them more soju and beer, and then pushes Sehun towards the back. There’s less people the further they get from the entrance and bar area, more people casually sipping beers rather than outright drunk. Sehun feels somewhere in the middle of the two, the walk over from the restaurant had sobered him up some but Chanyeol was still radiating warm, drunken energy and Sehun couldn’t help but be swayed. It wasn’t so much the alcohol, as it was just Chanyeol that was intoxicating.

Chanyeol pushes Sehun towards a cluster of small tables that are unoccupied by a pillar. “This is like one of my favorite bars,” Chanyeol says, smiling brightly at Sehun. His eyes are wide and expectant.

“It’s nice, hyung. I like the aquarium.” Sehun points towards the bar.

“Right?” Chanyeol smiles even wider if possible. Then suddenly pouts, “Jun hates this place.”

Sehun makes a non-committal noise, sips his beer a bit and looks around. He tries not to engage.

Chanyeol evidently doesn’t notice or care, because he continues, “He says there’s too many people, too packed.”

“It is pretty packed, hyung.” And maybe if Sehun can’t explicitly ask Chanyeol to not talk about Junmyeon, then the least he can do is be neutral, maybe even push Junmyeon’s point of view a little.

“Yeah, a little.” Chanyeol frowns deeper, and Sehun hates that he added to that. “It’s just,” and it’s clear that this has been on his mind recently. “I think Junmyeon’s a bit upset recently.”

“What are you talking about?” Sehun takes a swig of his beer, feels a wave of nausea pass over him that he knows has nothing to do with the alcohol.

“Things have been different since-” Chanyeol cuts himself off, guilt flashing across his face and he shakes his head a little bit. “Sorry, I don’t know what I’m saying.”

“Since what?” Sehun has an idea, knows better but it’s like picking at a scab, he can’t help it when he says, “Since Tuesday?”

“No,” Chanyeol shakes his head once, expression still guilty. He looks ten times more sober than he did mere moments before, but Sehun knows better. Chanyeol’s ears are still bright red, his neck flushed. “Sehun, I—I know what happened Tuesday, but that’s not. It’s not just that.”

Sehun’s whole body feels like he was dunked in ice water. His hands tremble a bit.

“Since you came back,” Chanyeol says. He sounds defeated and Sehun absolutely hates it. “Things have been different.”

Sehun wishes the earth could open up and swallow him. He takes a swig of his beer instead.

“I keep telling Jun they don’t have to be; it can be like before you know—like it was with us three.” Chanyeol’s not paying attention to Sehun, fingers tracing patterns on the wooden tabletop, delicately skimming over the top. It looks as if he were writing something but Sehun can’t keep track of Chanyeol’s movements enough to understand, and his thoughts are too slow to do much else other than hang on to every bit of Chanyeol’s words. There’s a distinct static noise in his ears and he feels a bit like he’s underwater.

“I mean,” Chanyeol’s frowning a bit, a wrinkle forming between his eyebrows and Sehun wants to reach over and smooth it and maybe calm all of Chanyeol’s thoughts while he’s at it. His body feels electric though, he doesn’t feel in control of himself. “Before it wasn’t like  _ perfect  _ for me. And don’t get me wrong I love being with just Junmyeon,” he frowns deeper, finally looks up, “Not that I didn’t miss you or anything, I totally missed you.” His words are rushed.

Sehun doesn’t really understand what Chanyeol is saying. “Hey, Chanyeol I–”

“No, can I just.” Chanyeol seems a bit exasperated, raises a hand to cut Sehun off. “Let me just say this, please? Sehun. Junmyeon, Junmyeon is a bit stubborn sometimes.” He’s looking at Sehun intently now, his hands clutched around his beer bottle. His eyes are wide and Sehun wonders if it’s the alcohol, if any of this conversation will be remembered. “Junmyeon is stubborn, but he loves you just like he loves me. Or.” Chanyeol pauses for a moment and Sehun can’t tear his eyes away. A flurry of emotions passes through Chanyeol’s face, and Sehun knows he’s contemplating how Junmyeon feels about him.

He looks up though, shaking his head a bit as he meets Sehun’s eyes. “And I love him, love you, you know that. But you broke his heart and you’re still hurting him now. I can forgive you because it didn’t, it didn’t feel quite so  _ personal  _ when you left. I don’t know if Junmyeon’s forgiven you yet, he says he has and he acts like he has but I think you leaving and then coming back like it was  _ nothing _ , Sehun.” Chanyeol shakes his head.

“I told him it could be easy, not so serious, but he said it’s not like that anymore but I know he’s just scared you’ll leave again. At first, when he said no, I was a little happy and I know that makes me like selfish or whatever, wanting to keep Jun all to myself, but it felt right. But, I just, I can’t see him like that, Sehun, and I think it can be like before, us three but maybe a bit, a bit different you know?” His voice is almost hopeful but Sehun doesn’t really know what Chanyeol means.

“Chanyeol,” His words are slow, tentative. He feels a bit like he’s hallucinating. “I just,” he doesn’t know what to say or where to start. Thinks maybe he should apologize for Tuesday, for Canada, for hurting Junmyeon and Chanyeol in the process. “I really am sorry.” He settles for.

“ _ I  _ know Sehun, but you need to tell Junmyeon. Tell him everything—for real this time.”

_____

That night Sehun replays the conversation at the bar over and over. It’s hard to recall every single word, but he remembers Chanyeol and the  _ intent _ behind his words. Remembers ‘ _ easy _ ’ and ‘ _ before _ .’

He almost wishes someone else had been there so he didn’t feel like it was all just a dream. He grabs his phone, still turned off and powers it back up. There’s a message from Baekhyun from hours ago, when he’d hung up.

Right after it though there’s a more recent message. It’s from Junmyeon. It doesn’t acknowledge Sehun’s previous message. It’s a simple, ‘ _ thanks for bringing him home’  _ from an hour or so ago when Sehun had dropped Chanyeol off after the bar.

Sehun bites his lip and switches back to the conversation with Baekhyun, pressing on the little icon to get the contact information. He presses call and puts his phone on speaker, rolling on his side.

It only rings a few times before Baekhyun’s disgruntled voice is in his ear, “This better be a fucking emergency, Oh Sehun, I swear or else.”

“Baek, how do I fix this?”

“God, what is this about now?”

“Junmyeon.”

“Of course.” Sehun can practically see Baekhyun rolling his eyes.

“Chanyeol told me I need to fix it. I don’t want to lose him, Baek. Don’t want to lose either of them.”

“Sehun, you idiot, just tell them that.”

“Hyung, I’m serious.”

“Jesus, Sehun, I’m serious too. Not everything has to be a big dramatic moment or confession or drama re-enactment or whatever. You just need to tell Junmyeon and show him you care and you’re sorry. When did I become the voice of reason?” Baekhyun sounds personally affronted. “I swear I’m friends with a bunch of idiots. But, hey, Chanyeol told you that? Maybe there’s some hope.”

Baekhyun hangs up then and Sehun would feel more hurt if he hadn’t done the same thing earlier and if he didn’t know that Baekhyun would one hundred percent answer if he called again.

**Sehun** 3:31am:  _ u hung up L _

__

**Baekhyun** 3:31am:  _ payback _

**Baekhyun** 3:31am:  _ also it’s late go to bed _

__

**Sehun** 3:32am:  _ im in a crisis _

__

**Baekhyun** 3:33am:  _ tell it to wait til morning _

__

_____

Sehun wakes up feeling like he’s forgotten something.

His first thought is to check for his phone, wallet, and keys. But they’re all sitting on his bedside table. He grabs his phone, scrolling through his messages.

There’s a call from his mom from earlier this morning and a text from Baekhyun with some expletives that Sehun feels are unwarranted.

Sehun flops back, setting his phone back down. He replays the conversation he had with Chanyeol last night, trying to piece together what it meant.

He wondered if it would be silly to text Chanyeol and be like, ‘ _ hey hyung I actually have no idea what you meant last night so can you like explain it to me but in the simplest terms possible like really dumb it down for me.’ _

__

He doesn’t. Instead, he drags his body out of bed and into the kitchen. Jongin must be out or still sleeping because the apartment is quiet.

Sehun starts preparing breakfast, mentally going everything he should work on to get a headstart on the week. There’s a few memos for work he wants to edit before turning in, but he figures those can wait until Monday. He should probably do some school assignments though.

He’s mentally creating his workplan when Jongin walks in. “What time did you get in last night?” His voice is groggy, clearly had just rolled out of bed.

Sehun shrugs, “Like three, maybe? I didn’t pay attention when I came in.”

Jongin nods, moves around Sehun to prepare coffee for himself. “You were with Chan and Jun?”

“Just Chanyeol,” Sehun bites his lip.

Jongin make’s a non-committal noise, rummaging through their cupboards for something to eat.

“Are you feeling better?” Sehun asks.

Jongin’s hand pauses, back tense. “About Kyungsoo?”

“Yeah,” Sehun nods, even though Jongin is facing the opposite way and he can’t actually see.

Jongin shrugs, standing up with a cereal box in his handd. “I guess I’m okay.” He turns around then, moving to get a bowl. “I’ll get over it. It just feels shitty, you know?”

Sehun nods. If anyone could get it, he thinks he can. “You guys are friends, I get it.”

Jongin nods, “Yeah.” He sighs, “How about you? Are you over Junmyeon? Give me a little hope.”

Sehun frowns, looks down at his own coffee. “I think we both are a little hopeless.”

_____

**Sehun** 4:55pm:  _ hey Chanyeol this is kinda stupid maybe and I don’t know if you remember or meant any of it but I want things to be easy too _

__

**Sehun** 4:55pm:  _ I shouldn’t be doing this over text but like it’s been bugging me all day and it’s easy this way but like yesterday I should have said it’s not just Junmyeon for me? _

__

**Sehun** 4:56pm:  _ sorry if this is like overstepping or if u totally didn’t mean what im saying but like it’s not just junmyeon for me. I need u to know that. I should have said that before. _

__

**Chanyeol** 4:59pm:  _ I know _

_____

“Chanyeol said I was being mean to you and told me I need to talk to you, so here I am. Talking. To you.” Junmyeon looks a bit pouty, nose pink from the cold outside. He’s wrapped up in a scarf and a thick winter coat and he looks so warm and cozy, Sehun wants to envelop him in a hug and never let go.

“Chanyeol said that?”

Junmyeon plops into the seat in front of Sehun and nods once. “Yes. I’m doing this for Chanyeol, Sehun.”

“Doing what?” Sehun chews on his bottom lip.

“Being here, with you, trying to fix whatever this is.” Junmyeon is still all wrapped up and he looks a bit silly sitting like that indoors. He points to the space between them. “I love Chanyeol and want to make him happy.”

“I want him happy too.” Sehun feels a bit like a child being scolded. He wasn’t sure how he expected this conversation to go, but this isn’t exactly it.

Junmyeon sighs, finally unwraps his scarf and sets it in the seat next to him. “He’s very stubborn when he wants to be.”

Sehun considers teasing him, but decides maybe it’s not the best time. He still has his coat on and hasn’t made any moves to go and get a drink. Sehun feels incredibly out of his element, Junmyeon has never kept him at such an arms-length before.

Junmyeon sighs after a beat of silence, “Chanyeol wants us to be together—the three of us. Did he tell you?” His eyes are a bit skittish, not quite meeting Sehun’s.

Sehun thinks of the bar, of his texts, and nods once. “Yeah.” He considers saying more, explaining how much he also wants them—the three of them—together. He doesn’t though.

Junmyeon looks around a bit. “It’s not something I’ve ever considered.” Sehun feels his heart break a little, but stays silent. Almost as if reading his thoughts, Junmyeon adds. “I mean the three of us—together.”

Sehun nods encourangingly, letting Junmyeon know he’s listening. He’s not sure the last part makes it any better, it’s still not the answer Sehun wanted, but he understands. He isn’t sure he would have thought of the three of them together either if it hadn’t been for Chanyeol. “I get that.”

“But Chanyeol,” Junmyeon seems to be considering his words thoughtfully, eyes only briefly meeting Sehun’s. “Chanyeol is stubborn and wants that. Thinks it could work.”

“What do you want, hyung?” Sehun asks, willing for Junmyeon to look him in the eyes.

Junmyeon sighs, his whole body visibly deflating. “I don’t know, Sehunnie.”

Sehun knows maybe he shouldn’t push, but he also knows that he might never get this chance again. It’s important for him to be clear, to voice everything now. And maybe Baekhyun said that not everything had to be a drama-worthy, big love confession, but Sehun knows it’s now or never.

“Junmyeon,” he hesitates. “I love you. I know I probably don’t deserve your love back, but I need you to know that I love you, and I’ve always… These feelings for me aren’t new. The way I feel about you, I just need you to know that.”

“Sehun,” Junmyeon seems tired and it’s not exactly the expression anyone wants to see after confessing you’ve been in love with your best friend. “You know I love you, but you left, and I just I don’t know if I can. I know Chanyeol wants this but.” He’s looking at the table, soft words trailing off.

Sehun tries to ignore the way his heart is breaking. “I know, Junmyeon, but I want to be an option for you—and Chanyeol—I want both of you to know that it’s not just about me. I am happy for both of you. Happy you have each other. But. It hurts me too? And I know, I was the one that left so I really don’t have the room to say all this, but I need you to know.”

“It broke me when you left.” Junmyeon’s voice is empty.

“I’m really sorry, I never meant—I thought it would be easier.”

“How?” Junmyeon looks up then, watching Sehun carefully.

“I was in love with you, and it just felt so one-sided. I felt so dumb. I loved you but it felt like you saw me as too childish, like you didn’t see me for who I was then. It just—it hurt. I thought maybe the space would be good for me. I was selfish in that regard, I thought moving, being away from everything, being away from you, would give me room to grow, to move on from those feelings.” Sehun swallows drily, he’s not sure how much longer he can keep having this conversation without crying. Doesn’t want to cry in some café. “I just loved you so much, but it felt like you only saw me as a kid, like you would never see me that way. I was selfish and I moved, I thought maybe you were right. Thought maybe I was being silly and childish and that if I was away from you I’d realize it wasn’t love. But, but Junmyeon I didn’t. I came back and I still love you the same.”

“Sehun,” Junmyeon’s voice is so soft, filled with something like pity and Sehun can’t handle it.

“It’s okay if you don’t love me back, or if you don’t want to try—try with Chanyeol—but I needed you to know. I just, please don’t ice me out for this, I’ll try my best to get over both of you but I can’t bear to lose you as a friend, hyung.” Sehun swallows around the lump in his throat. “Hyung, I want whatever you can give me. I want you in my life.” He hates how desperate he sounds, but he can’t imagine losing Junmyeon, not over this.

“Sehun, I could never ice you out. I love you too much, even if maybe it’s not in the exact same way you love me.” Junmyeon sighs then. “I’m really sorry Sehun, I just, I don’t know if I can get back to that.”

“I get it.” Sehun looks towards where the barista is taking an order, he can’t look at Junmyeon.

“Sehun,” Junmyeon’s voice is barely above a whisper. “Chanyeol… he loves you.”

Sehun nods once, blinking back his tears still staring at the barista.

Junmyeon’s words are careful, space between each one. “It’s his—or it’s your guys’ decision. But he knows I won’t stand between the two of you.”

“I don’t want to take him from you, hyung.” Sehun shakes his head, examines the table.

“That’s not what I meant,” Junmyeon says, and he’s smiling quietly looking at Sehun with such fondness that Sehun thinks he can hear his own heart break. “I know I said I didn’t want to try— with us three—but if you and Chanyeol want to try… I’m not going to stop you. I love you both too much to limit your happiness, you know?”

“Chanyeol knows?” Sehun isn’t sure he’s understanding—getting a green light from Junmyeon for Sehun to date Chanyeol isn’t how he thought his day to go.

“We’ve talked about it. Whatever you two decide, just don’t consider my feelings too much.” Junmyeon smiles warmly then. “I want you both to be happy.”

_____

“It feels so heavy between us still.” Sehun says. “It’s been three weeks and I keep thinking maybe it’ll never be the same.” He’s on the phone with Baekhyun, he only has approximately five minutes before his lunch break is officially over and he needs to go back inside the lab.

There’s a small hum on the other side of the phone. “Sehun, three weeks isn’t long enough. Just give him time, he’ll warm up. Have you been talking to Chanyeol?”

“Yes.”

“And is everything okay with him?”

Sehun thinks about the last time he saw Chanyeol—lunch last Wednesday, about a week ago. “Things were okay.” Chanyeol hadn’t been any more or less friendly than usual, he hadn’t brought up Junmyeon at all though and Sehun wasn’t actually sure if it was just his own anxieties clouding his conversation with Chanyeol.

“See? Things are fine. Chanyeol is a terrible liar, so I’m sure Junmyeon just needs a little time to adjust, yeah?”

“I guess.” Sehun isn’t convinced.

“Just give him time, Sehunnie.”

_____

Sehun attempts Baekhyun’s advice. But by the end of week five of minimal, dry contact with Junmyeon Sehun feels like he’s going to crawl out of his skin.

He’d seen Chanyeol approximately four times during the five weeks and Junmyeon had avoided each outing completely. He would send regrets with Chanyeol, or decline in the groupchat. Sehun had reached out multiple times to Junmyeon specifically, but to no avail.

On top of his concerning interactions with Junmyeon, Sehun still wasn’t sure if he was exactly dating Chanyeol (and if that would explain the lack of Junmyeon). They were still hanging out together but nothing in their interactions had changed since Sehun had met with Junmyeon at the café.

Every time he hung out with Chanyeol, Sehun itched to bring it up but he was also hoping Chanyeol would. He wasn’t exactly sure it was his place to bring it up. Sure, Junmyeon had told Sehun, but Chanyeol (the important piece in this sense) hadn’t so much as mentioned it again. He hadn’t even brought up the fact that he had pushed Junmyeon to meet with Sehun.

“You should probably just ask,” Jongdae says, chewing thoughtfully. He’s seated across from Sehun and next to Baekhyun. Baekhyun had started to drop by sporadically at the lab, goading Jongdae out to lunch. Sehun knew it was Baekhyun’s own way of making sure Jongdae was taking care of himself. He loved tagging along though, usually one of the other two would pick up the bill and hanging out with Jongdae and Baekhyun gave him a much-needed distraction.

He had just received a text from Chanyeol, asking if he wanted to grab a few drinks after work, and couldn’t help the groan that had left his mouth. He felt frustrated.

“For what it’s worth it sounds like a date to me.” Baekhyun shrugs.

“Yeah, but it’s no different than before.” Sehun whines. Lately it seemed as if his mind bounced between two anxieties—possible dates with Chanyeol and Junmyeon’s silence. It was slightly better than before though, when he was pining over his friends’ relationship, at least now he didn’t feel quite so hopeless.

“You really should just ask,” Jongdae sighs. “I mean, they already know, right? What’s the point of all the coyness and wondering?”

Sehun frowns, “What if Chanyeol laughs at me?”

Baekhyun rolls his eyes, “I’ll beat him up.”

Jongdae lets out a cackle at that. “Please.”

“I can take him!” Baekhyun grins mischeviously. “He’s tall but he’s a softie.”

Sehun rolls his eyes, “I don’t want you to fight Chanyeol.” His phone pings then and Baekhyun reaches across the table before Sehun can make a move.

“It’s Mr. Park himself,” Baekhyun grins. “Oh Sehun, will you please marry me, I love you so much Sehun and am ready-”

“Give me that,” Sehun interrupts Baekhyun’s mocking tone and reaches over to take his phone away.

**Chanyeol** 12:17pm: _i found this new bar w drinks half off_

__

Sehun opens his phone about to confirm for drinks, when Baekhyun reaches over and snatches his phone.

“Play a little hard to get, at least.”

“Give me back my phone,” Sehun makes a swipe for it, but Baekhyun tucks it into his pants pocket, sticking out his tongue childishly.

“It’s rude to be on your phone at the table, Sehun.” He scolds.

“It’s rude to take other people’s things without asking.” Sehun counters, frowning a bit. “He’s gonna see that I read his message and didn’t reply.”

“He’s a big boy, he can take it.” Baekhyun shrugs, going back to eating.

_____

__

__

Baekhyun gives Sehun his phone back at the end of lunch with a, ‘ _ here now you can stop crying’  _ and Sehun is too busy checking his messages to bother to snipe back.

He texts Chanyeol back quickly before entering the lab, agreeing to drinks and asking him to send the address. He doesn’t have time to check his phone, helping Jongdae with a project and then running back and forth across departments for some of the other scientists. The work day gets hectic though, and it’s not until it’s nearing seven that he realizes he hasn’t checked his phone since lunch.

Sehun feels the grime and sweat from the work day sticking to his body and he wants nothing more than to head home, shower, and then maybe sleep for at least twelve hours. He’s pretty sure he’s gotten his required hours for the week in the single day and is heading to his supervisor’s office to confirm when Minseok intercepts him in the hallway.

The other man seems full of energy despite the heavy bags under his eyes. “You, me, Dae, drinks to celebrate?”

“Celebrate what, hyung?” Sehun fans himself a bit, his body can’t seem to cool off and he’s still much too sweaty for comfort.

“Project got finalized,” Minseok smiles wide. “So drinks?”

Sehun bites his lip, “I was supposed to meet Chanyeol.”

“He can come! I’ll send him a text!” Minseok seems to be absolutely buzzing with energy and Sehun manages a small smile.

“Fine, but only because I’m proud of you.”

Minseok’s smile gets brighter if possible and he claps Sehun in the shoulder twice, “Gonna go look for Dae then! I’ll text you details! You should probably go shower.” He grimaces playfully before walking off, turning around to shout, “I’ll text Chanyeol too!”

_____

Sehun ends up getting both a text from Chanyeol (confirming that Minseok had invited him for drinks), and a text from Minseok with further details.

Sehun wishes he could beg off, and instead crawl into bed, but instead he finds himself in a casual bar restaurant seated next to Jongdae and across from Minseok and Baekhyun.

“No Soo?” Sehun asks, he can’t help his right foot from bouncing, waiting for Chanyeol. He orders a beer hoping the alcohol would energize him a bit.

“Think he was busy.” Baekhyun shrugs non-committedly and smiles, turning to Minseok to ask more about the project.

Sehun doesn’t bother to ask why or how Baekhyun was there but figured it had to do with Jongdae.

They’re two drinks in when Chanyeol finally joins, hands dragging along Junmyeon who smiles shyly at the group and congratulates Minseok.

It had been almost six weeks since Sehun had last seen him, and he couldn’t help but drink him in. Chanyeol takes the seat next to Sehun, leaving Junmyeon to slide in next to Minseok.

“Sorry we’re a little late,” Junmyeon starts.

“Round on Junmyeon since it took twenty minutes too long to pry him off his computer.” Chanyeol smiles widely as the waiter comes over to take their drink orders.

Conversations start flowing as Junmyeon asks more about Minseok’s project and Jongdae interjects every so often. Baekhyun caught in the middle starts giving input as if he worked alongside them until Jongdae throws a rolled up napkin good-naturedly. Chanyeol keeps reaching over to grab the skewers they ordered, and Sehun feels lost in it all. Even though he had a long day, he’s happy in the middle of his friends.

He glances surreptitiously towards Junmyeon every so often but mostly Sehun feels himself get swept up in hearing Minseok explain the cell sequence his team had been working on. It reminded Sehun so much of why he had wanted to go into this field—reminded him of what all his hard work was really for.

It’s not until he feels a hand reach around him that he’s brought back to where he is and remembers Chanyeol sitting next to him. He’s decidedly closer than before, leaning towards him a bit. Even though they’re sitting in two different chairs, Chanyeol’s thigh is pressed against Sehun’s, burning hot. Chanyeol’s arm is resting casually around Sehun’s shoulder. Sehun glances at Chanyeol, but Chanyeol is staring at Minseok nodding along with whatever is being said.

Sehun shifts a bit in his seat. Even when they’d hung out just the two of them, Chanyeol had never done more than friendly touches, and even if the arm around him is friendly, the way Chanyeol’s thigh is pressed against him is decidedly not.

Chanyeol presses closer, his thigh pressing hard against Sehun. Sehun moves his own thigh slightly, readjusting in his seat and glancing briefly at Junmyeon. He’s surprised to see that Junmyeon is looking at him, and Sehun bites his lip, flushing. Chanyeol’s arm suddenly feels heavy on him.

Junmyeon gives him the smallest of smiles but then glances back towards where Baekhyun is talking.

Sehun feels Chanyeol move a bit, and then Chanyeol is right there, pressed against his side. The way they’re sitting means that Chanyeol is practically hanging off Sehun’s side, supporting his whole weight on him.

“I missed you,” Chanyeol’s voice is so soft Sehun isn’t sure if he imagined it or not.

“Hm,” he mutters.

“Wanted to see you so bad today,” Chanyeol says, lips brushing against Sehun’s skin.

Sehun feels like he’s on fire. Having Chanyeol so close feels more inappropriate than it is, his body reacting almost instantly to Chanyeol’s words, mind racing.

Sehun doesn’t respond, takes a sip of his drink instead. There’s not enough alcohol in his body for the way he’s feeling.

But then Chanyeol is right there again, mouth practically on his ear, words so soft Sehun feels like he’s hallucinating. “Kept thinking of you all day at work.”

None of what Chanyeol is saying should be making Sehun react, but it’s the tone of voice, it’s the way Chanyeol’s body is pressed against his, it’s the proximity after so long that has Sehun feeling like he’s free-falling.

Almost as if he can tell the effect his words have on Sehun, Chanyeol straightens up then, letting his arm drop and he reaches for another skewer, chewing happily as he rejoins the conversations, leaving Sehun stunted.

_____

Despite Minseok being the instigator to celebrate, he’s the first to stop drinking. “Gotta wake up early tomorrow.”

Almost as if realizing that it’s actually the middle of the week and he also has work in the morning, Jongdae’s eyes go comically wide, face turning a soft shade of pink as he drowns the rest of his drink and nods along. “I should head out too.”

Baekhyun sighs but gets up, and the rest follow, saying their goodbyes as they head their separate ways.

Chanyeol doesn’t bring up any of his comments or act any different as he says goodbye to Sehun, teasing that he still owes him drinks, and Junmyeon smiles and gives him a short wave before leaving arm in arm with Chanyeol.

Sehun still feels on edge from the dinner, Chanyeol’s words running through his mind. They had gone straight to his core, and his body is buzzing with it.

He hadn’t had sex with anyone since Jongin, and although Jongin is always just in the next room over, Sehun doesn’t want to have sex with Jongin—or really anyone else that wasn’t Chanyeol (or Junmyeon—although it didn’t seem like Junmyeon was very interested in that).

He doesn’t give in to the feeling building under his skin though. He’s still unsure about where he stands with Chanyeol, and he’s even more unsure about Junmyeon. Instead he gets home and crawls into his own bed, falls asleep and ignores the way his body itches for release.

_____

Sehun knows he just needs to get it over with. He needs to be upfront with Chanyeol instead of avoiding. But sometimes avoidance is just  _ so good _ .

He feels determined though. He doesn’t really have any idea of how or even if it’ll work out. This thing with Chanyeol. Especially if it’s not a trio with Junmyeon. But Sehun knows the longer he waits the more it’ll sting. He knows maybe he’s being a bit silly, jumping into this (whatever this is) without  _ fully knowing _ . But Sehun also knows relationships aren’t pre-destined and written out. If he wants whatever this is he needs to tell Chanyeol.

He’s not sure where the courage is coming from. It’s not like anything happened, or changed, not really at least (he can still remember Chanyeol’s heat as he pressed against Sehun at the restaurant). Sehun has spent enough time hiding his feelings and now they’re out and he needs to fully deal with them.

Junmyeon had been clear with him, and so had Chanyeol, and Sehun needed to push forward himself.

He doesn’t remember how much Chanyeol had drank, but he hopes it’s not too early for a phone call. Sehun figures he could probably text, but he also knows if he gives himself any room for avoidance future Sehun is sure to take advantage of it.

So he calls.

It goes to voicemail, which is just so typical of his luck that it makes Sehun laugh. He leaves a quick voicemail asking Chanyeol to call him back (although he’s not sure when he himself last checked his voicemail so he’s not sure Chanyeol will ever hear his message either). He sends a text for good measure.

**Sehun** 8:12am:  _ need to talk to u pls call me its important _

__

He hesitates a bit before sending another message. Leaving no room to back out.

**Sehun** 8:13am:  _ don’t wanna sound dumb but I kinda just need to know what we’re doing so like call me when u can yeah _

__

The phone stays silent and Sehun stares at his message. The three dots that show someone’s typing appear but then Chanyeol’s name pops up. Sehun knows maybe he should wait more than half a second before he picks up, but he doesn’t hesitate to pick up.

“Sehunnie! Sorry I didn’t answer your call—I’m at work.” Sehun can practically hear the smile in Chanyeol’s voice. “Saw your message, what do you mean?”

Sehun has half a mind to lie and say the message was meant for someone else, but instead he clears his throat a bit, his voice still soft as he mutters, “I just wanna know what we’re doing? Like us? What is this?” He feels childish almost as he adds, “Yesterday, at drinks? Do you remember?” He’s scared to voice it, suddenly worried he read into it. Better to not embarrass himself too much.

Chanyeol laughs a little, Sehun wishes he could see his face, but he’s also thankful Chanyeol can’t see him. “I remember, Sehun.”

He doesn’t say anything else for a moment and Sehun stays in the silence. “I guess, what do you want Sehun?”

Sehun bites his lip, “Chanyeol, I think it’s more important what you want.”

“Not more important,” Chanyeol sounds a bit winded and Sehun wonders where he’s at. Pictures him in his studio, laptop in front of him.

“Where are you right now?” He doesn’t know why it matters so much, but he wants to know. Wants to have a clear image of Chanyeol as they talk.

“Outside on a bench, took a small break to talk to you.”

Sehun’s picture changes and he considers Chanyeol wrapped up in his coat in the early winter sunlight.

Chanyeol sounds like he’s contemplating each word, his tone slow and steady. “Do you still want this? Even if Junmyeon doesn’t?”

Sehun doesn’t hesitate, “Of course. Is that what you were worried about? Chanyeol, you know how I feel about you—with or without Junmyeon. I want to be with you. I think it’s more important what you want. I don’t want to take you from Junmyeon.”

“I know that, Sehun.” Chanyeol’s voice is soft. “What are you doing right now?”

Sehun frowns a little at the question, “I just woke up.”

“And you decided to have this conversation right away?”

“You really messed with me last night,” Sehun answers honestly.

Chanyeol laughs, “Wish it had just been us.”

Sehun flushes at that.

“Come over.”

“What?” Sehun doesn’t know if it’s Chanyeol’s flirty tone or if his brain has just completely abandoned him because he says, “Is that an innuendo?”

Chanyeol laughs loudly then, and Sehun can feel his face heat up in embarrassment. Before he can say anything to quell his embarrassment, Chanyeol cuts in, “No, not today. As much as I’d love to fuck you at work I really do have a lot to do today. Want you to come over and hang out though, if you want.”

Oh. “Oh.”

Chanyeol laughs, “Please?”

“Yeah, okay.”

It’s not until Sehun hangs up and is getting ready to head out that he realizes Chanyeol hadn’t really answered him. He can’t be too bothered though because the promise of ‘ _ not today’ _ of  _ ‘wish it had been just us’  _ feels like enough.

_____

Sehun had been to Chanyeol’s workplace only a handful of times. He wasn’t too familiar though so he makes sure to text Chanyeol when he’s only a few blocks away. Chanyeol’s waiting for him when he gets there, sitting inside the lobby, scrolling through his phone.

He envelops Sehun in a hug as soon as he sees him, squeezing his hand lightly. His eyes are bright and playful. “Wanna be my little helper today? Give me some feedback on a few pieces? I’m trying to finalize some stuff.”

“Are you paying me?”

Chanyeol swipes at him playfully laughing. “We can get those drinks from yesterday after.”

“It’s nine in the morning should you really be thinking about drinking,” Sehun teases as Chanyeol presses the button to call the elevator.

Chanyeol rolls his eyes, “Don’t make me regret inviting you.”

“I’ll be on my best behavior,” Sehun smiles.

_____

Chanyeol really is busy, not that Sehun exactly expected him to drop everything, but he’s been sitting on the couch waiting for Chanyeol to acknowledge him for the past hour and a half and he’s getting restless.

He doesn’t want to bother Chanyeol though, and he doesn’t really mind. At one point, he’s pretty sure he fell asleep. He’s playing a game on his phone, making the little man on screen avoid tragedy as he runs forward when the door swings open and a short woman walks in. She seems slightly startled to see Sehun sitting there, but her facial expression recovers and she offers Sehun a small smile as she walks in.

She goes up to Chanyeol quietly and hands him something before bowing politely and leaving.

Chanyeol seems to have resurfaced from wherever he was and glances at Sehun, smiling brightly.

“What is that?” Sehun nods towards whatever Chanyeol’s holding.

“This? A USB.” Chanyeol raises the USB up to show Sehun before shoving it into his pocket. He smiles wider if possible. “Sehunnie, come here.”

“I’m here.” Sehun says.

“No, here,” Chanyeol pats his lap playfully.

“Fuck off.” Sehun says, wrinking his nose even as he feels his face flush.

“C’mon, don’t be mean.” Chanyeol pats his lap again. “Or should I go there?”

“Don’t you dare, you’ll crush me.”

“Hm,” Chanyeol gets up, heading towards Sehun. “That’s a risk I think I’m willing to take.” He plops unceremoniously on Sehun’s lap.

“Get off me you big oaf.” Sehun teases, even as he wraps his arms around Chanyeol’s waist, pulling him closer. “You’re a big baby, did you know?”

Chanyeol settles in, squirming a bit before nuzzling into Sehun playfully. “Love you, Sehunnie.”

Sehun squeezes him tight, humming contentedly before pushing him off. “Go finish work so you can pay me for all my hard work in alcohol.”

Chanyeol stumbles a bit, fake-affronted as he scoffs, “You haven’t done anything! Worst helper I’ve ever had.”

“You mean best.” Sehun rolls his eyes playfully as he watches Chanyeol turn back to his computer.

_____

Spending time with Chanyeol is nice. The studio stays quiet for the most part. Chanyeol calls for take-out and goes down to pick it up and they eat while Chanyeol continues to work. Sometime in the afternoon, Junmyeon calls Chanyeol and Sehun can barely hear something or other about grocery shopping but then Chanyeol mentions he’s going out with Sehun and will be home late. Sehun stiffens, remembering that technically Chanyeol didn’t really respond to his morning question, but he feels his body relax when Chanyeol looks at him. Chanyeol’s eyes are bright and loving and Sehun thinks maybe it doesn’t matter that Chanyeol didn’t answer.

It’s not until it’s after five that Chanyeol removes his earphones and starts playing music outloud, asking Sehun questions and pointing out the smallest things that Sehun knows Chanyeol only catches because he’s been listening to the same piece over and over all day.

Sehun tries his best to be helpful as possible, and he knows he’s not providing the most constructive feedback when he keeps insisting every iteration sounds good to him.

Chanyeol frowns a bit, “I need harsh criticism. Pretend it’s not me and tear it apart but just a little.” He’s quick to add at the end.

“I genuinely like it, Yeollie.” Sehun smiles, walking over to watch Chanyeol play another version of the same song. He hugs Chanyeol from behind, a bit unsure but wanting to regardless. “They do sound similar.”

Chanyeol relaxes into Sehun’s touch. “Do you mind if I call Junmyeon for him to listen to it?” Chanyeol’s voice is barely above a whisper, his eyes slipping close. He looks drained from the day and Sehun is overwhelmed by the need to reach between his eyebrows and massage out the slight furrow.

“Call him.” Sehun straightens up.

“Where’d you go?” Chanyeol mumbles, popping one eye open. He reaches up and tugs Sehun back down. “You’re warm,” he says as his eyes slip close again.

“My back hurts like this,” Sehun mumbles even though he really doesn’t mind.

Despite the uncomfortable position for Sehun, they stay like that for a few moments—Sehun draped over Chanyeol’s back and office chair, Chanyeol leaning back, resting on Sehun. Sehun almost thinks Chanyeol’s falling asleep before Chanyeol groans and sits up a bit, Sehun’s arms dropping to his sides.

“Lemme play this for Jun and then we can get dinner and drinks? If you still want?” He glances at his watch then, squinting his eyes as he struggles to read the time. “It’s not too late, right?”

“Not too late.” Sehun agrees, it’s barely past seven.

Chanyeol grabs his phone from the desk and dials then, Sehun returning to the couch in the room. It’s on speaker and it rings a few times before Junmyeon picks up.

“Chanyeol?” Junmyeon says as a greeting.

“Hi baby. Sehunnie’s here, you’re on speaker.”

“Hi Sehun.”

“Hi Junmyeon.” Sehun says, he shifts a bit, feeling odd at hearing Chanyeol say baby in such a sweet tone. Not really jealous, just a little bit of desire to hear it again.

“I need some feedback. Can you listen to this real quick?” Chanyeol asks.

“Of course.”

Chanyeol plays the two tracks, eyes closed as the music plays, Junmyeon silent on the other line. When it’s over Chanyeol raises the phone to his mouth, “Be mean.”

Junmyeon laughs a little. “Yeollie they both sound really similar. What does Sehun think?”

“Sehun thinks they’re both good. I don’t think he can tell the difference.”

“Hey,” Sehun scowls and Junmyeon laughs brightly.

“To be fair, I’d be guessing at the difference too.”

Chanyeol pouts, “You’re not just being nice?”

“To you?” Junmyeon teases. “Never.”

Chanyeol smiles a little at that, and then sighs. “Fine then choose one and I’ll send it and if they hate it I’ll just blame you forever.”

“Sounds like a good plan.” Junmyeon laughs, and then says, “Number two then.”

“And risk having to blame you forever?” Chanyeol gasps playfully. “I’m sending number one.”

Junmyeon laughs. “Fine, Chanyeol.” He’s quiet for a second and Sehun can see Chanyeol sending the file from where he’s sitting. Junmyeon’s tone is quieter when he speaks again, “Are you two getting dinner?”

“And drinks,” Chanyeol responds, shooting Sehun a smile.

“A real date then.”

Sehun frowns a little, suddenly definitely feeling like a third wheel.

Chanyeol smiles softly at Sehun, eyes still just as bright and Sehun’s heart eases. “Do you wanna join us?”

There’s a pause and then Junmyeon is laughing a little, “Not tonight. Be safe, okay. Both of you.”

“Ok, ok.”

“Love you.”

“Love you more.”

“Bye Sehunnie.”

“Bye Junmyeon.”

_____

Chanyeol drags Sehun to get chicken at a shop around the corner.

“Is it actually good or is it just close? Who knows!” Chanyeol laughs after they order. He must see some hesitancy on Sehun’s face because he’s quick to add, “It’s good, I promise.” He bites his lip, eyeing Sehun. “Wouldn’t take you on our first date to a bad restaurant would I?”

“You seem like you would.” Sehun chooses to ignore the date part, playing along.

“I take full offense to that,” Chanyeol pouts, taking a swig of water and clearing his throat. “Date, yeah?”

Sehun smiles. “I’m not playing hard to get, Chan.”

“Good. Me either.”

The chicken is nothing to write home about, but it’s still good. The company is better.

They have a few beers between the both of them, and Chanyeol eyes the dessert options before frowning and suggesting they go get ice cream.

“It’s freezing outside.” Sehun pouts.

“Frozen hot chocolate then.” Chanyeol smiles, undeterred.

“That should be an oxymoron and it’s practically the same thing.”

“They’re completely different, c’mon, be nice to me I had a long day.”

“You had a long day? I had a long day,” Sehun mocks, fake-affronted.

Chanyeol laughs. “Then let me treat you to a frozen hot chocolate.”

Sehun gives in then. He opts out of the treat though, choosing to get a hot tea from the small café Chanyeol takes him to instead.

“Let’s sit in the terrace.” Chanyeol nods towards the small area decorated with lights.

“You’re crazy, it’s freezing.”

“C’mon, I’m trying to be romantic.”

Sehun grumbles as he follows, “I was lied to. I was told we would be getting absolutely wasted and instead I’m having to sit outside in subzero weather.”

“I never said wasted, but we can still get wasted.” Chanyeol grins.

“What am I doing drinking tea then?”

_____

They end up at a bar. There’s a dance floor though and enough people for a weekday and Sehun is happy.

He buys them each two tequila shots and Chanyeol winces taking them down. The alcohol loosens them up almost immediately, making Sehun’s skin feel electric.

Sehun hadn’t felt so free in a while, and he knew it was partly the alcohol, but it was also just being with Chanyeol. Knowing Chanyeol wanted to be with him. He didn’t feel drunk, necessarily, but he was tipsy enough that dancing among other sweaty bodies wasn’t totally gross.

Also, having Chanyeol so close throwing his gangly limbs happily was enough to make Sehun never want to stop dancing. He circled him close then, throwing his arms around Chanyeol’s body and pulling him towards him, “You’re cute, did you know?”

“I know.” Chanyeol laughs then, dropping his arms heavily on Sehun’s shoulders.

“It’s not as cute if you’re cocky about it,” Sehun teases.

“Liar,” Chanyeol laughs. He presses in closer then, pressed to Sehun’s side and Sehun is reminded of Chanyeol at the restaurant. “I wasn’t kidding when I said I wanted you.”

Sehun wants to play it off, make a quip about how he doesn’t put out on the first date, but he makes eye contact with Chanyeol and his throat goes dry. “Want you too,” he manages. He knows he sounds decidedly less sexy than Chanyeol had a moment earlier.

It seems that’s all it takes for Chanyeol to turn it up. He presses a soft kiss to Sehun’s neck, lips soft and open. The way they’re dancing is probably too obscene for the middle of a very public bar on a weekday but Sehun can also feel himself slipping. His eyes closing against his will as he feels Chanyeol’s body against his own.

There’s no hesitance as Chanyeol grinds softly against Sehun, leaning in, “Need you.”

“Yeah,” Sehun sighs.

“Lemme taste you, yeah.” The words go straight to Sehun’s crotch and he’s ready to drop to his own knees right then and there.

“Bathroom?” he manages to croak out. In the back of his mind he wonders if it’s too much like a random hook-up to suggest a bar bathroom, but he also isn’t sure he’s willing to wait longer than the forty-five seconds it would take them to reach the bathroom.

Chanyeol doesn’t answer, instead pulling away and leading Sehun towards the back where the bathrooms are located. They’re single person rooms, tucked away in an empty hallway. Sehun has half a mind to just push Chanyeol against the wall out in the open but Chanyeol pushes the first door and it opens easily.

The bathroom has yellow lighting and is all dark wood, and Sehun doesn’t hesitate to push Chanyeol against the door then, slotting their lips together.

Sehun could kiss Chanyeol forever, he thinks, but he knows he doesn’t have too much time before someone’s knocking on the door so he wastes no time shoving his hand in Chanyeol’s pants and palming him.

Chanyeol lets out a groan, throwing his head back and hitting his head on the door. “Fuck.” He jumps a little, rubbing his head and laughing. “Fuck, Sehun.”

Sehun doesn’t stop though, pulls away only far enough to take Chanyeol’s cock out. “Wanna suck you off. Want you to fuck my mouth.” He doesn’t know if it’s sexy or not, doesn’t really care. Chanyeol’s cock in his hand is velvety smooth and just the right weight, Sehun wants to taste.

“God, yeah. Yeah wanna fuck your mouth.” Chanyeol repeats, eyes glazing a little.

They readjust so they’re not pressed against the door. Chanyeol sitting on the countertop, and Sehun kneeling between his legs. He grimaces a bit at having to kneel on the bar bathroom floor but Chanyeol’s cock is out and there’s really no question about whether it’s worth it.

Sehun doesn’t hesitate, his movements hurried yet careful. He knows they won’t be left alone forever but he wants to take care of Chanyeol.

Chanyeol who is mumbling incoherently above him, head thrown back exposing his neck. Sehun wants to mark him up, wonders if he could.

After a few minutes, Sehun pulls off, his own hand palming himself, needing friction. “Fuck my mouth.” His voice is shot.

Chanyeol looks dazed, and with a little rearranging, Chanyeol starts. His hands are wrapped around his base, leading his own dick slowly. It takes some urging from Sehun but finally Chanyeol speeds up a bit, hitting the back of Sehun’s throat.

Sehun ignores the way his eyes tear up, the way his throat screams at him. It’s so good.

Sehun knows Chanyeol’s close when his movements become a bit more erratic. His eyes are focused in on Sehun though and Sehun’s own dick is straining against his pants, begging to be touched. It takes only a few more thrusts for Chanyeol to come, squeezing his eyes close when he does. The moan he lets out goes straight to Sehun’s dick.

Sehun’s desperate for his release and goes pliantly when Chanyeol drags him up and takes him out of his pants. “So good for me, baby.” Chanyeol mumbles, stroking Sehun lazily, thumb exploring. Chanyeol still looks blissed out from his own orgasm, but his strokes are enough and it doesn’t take long for Sehun to come, his face buried into Chanyeol’s neck, biting softly when he does.

_____

Chanyeol drives him home. They’re both sober but Sehun feels more elated than ever. He’s so happy he wants to stick his head out the window and shout.

Chanyeol seems to share the sentiment (or else he can read Sehun too well) because he rolls down the window as they drive through Seoul. It’s much too cold to do that, but Sehun doesn’t care, he feels on top of the world.

It’s only for five minutes before Chanyeol rolls them up, mumbling about the cold and Sehun laughs.

Chanyeol parks outside Sehun’s apartment. It’s still relatively early, but it being a weekday the neighborhood is quiet.

Sehun hesitates, hand on the door handle. He wonders if he can kiss Chanyeol goodbye. He turns back to Chanyeol, ready to make a move, when he sees Chanyeol turning off the car.

“Can I come up?”

“What?”

“Is that too much?” Chanyeol bites his lip. “Is it weird that I asked that?”

“No. I mean, yes. Wait, no.” Sehun backtracks. “No it’s not weird, and yes you can come up.” Sehun hesitates. “What about Junmyeon?”

“I’ll call him a moment.” Chanyeol smiles reassuringly and Sehun’s heart squeezes in the best way possible.

_____

Sehun had thought maybe Chanyeol wanted to continue the scene from the bathroom, but after calling Junmyeon (in the kitchen, speaking in hushed tones), they get ready for bed silently and Chanyeol crawls in next to Sehun.

Chanyeol has a few centimeters on Sehun, and is broader, but he still wraps himself around Sehun like a koala.

Sehun laughs when Chanyeol throws a leg over Sehun’s body. “Ah,” he shoves it off, playfully. “Is this how you sleep with Junmyeon every day?” He doesn’t want to be too delicate with bringing up Jun, figures that if this is going to work he needs to not be walking on eggshells all the time. Plus, he feels happy and content in Chanyeol’s arms after their day together.

Throughout the whole day Chanyeol had brought up Junmyeon, hadn’t avoided bringing him up at all and if Sehun thought about it, it made him feel more secure. The fact that Chanyeol clearly had enough love for the both of them (not that love was finite, but whatever).

Chanyeol giggles and Sehun feels completely enamored. “Yes, and he doesn’t complain.”

“Well he should, I bet you’re crushing him.” Sehun teases, but then Chanyeol kisses him softly.

“I just wanna cuddle a little. Don’t you want to cuddle me?” Even though it’s dark he can practically see Chanyeol’s pout.

Sehun wraps his arms around Chanyeol, “Only because you asked.”

_____

Sehun wakes up in a tangled, sweaty mess with Chanyeol. He knows it’s late morning by the way the sunlight is peaking through his window. He groans and rolls over, pushing Chanyeol’s leg off of him.

Chanyeol startles at that, eyes narrowing. His voice is deep and raspy and reminds Sehun of his first night back in Seoul when he had FaceTimed Junmyeon and woken Chanyeol up. “Sehunnie.”

“Good morning,” Sehun smiles at the way Chanyeol’s hair seems to have taken a life of its own.

Chanyeol flops over, gripping Sehun as Sehun writhes, trying to get away from Chanyeol’s grip. “It’s hot, Chan.”

“You’re hot.” Chanyeol teases.

“Stop,” Sehun mumbles, finally pushing Chanyeol away and rolling out of bed. “I should go shower, I feel gross.”

Chanyeol visibly pouts at that, and Sehun doesn’t think he’s ever seen Chanyeol look quite so pretty. His hair is a mess, the pillows and bedding have left an indent on his cheek, and his eyes are bleary but he looks incredibly soft. Sehun half wants to crawl back into bed and hug Chanyeol for another few hours, but the way his t-shirt is sticking to his body is enough to make him grimace at the thought.

“Can I join you at least?”

Sehun bites his lip, “Only to shower though. No funny business.”

“Absolutely.”

_____

They’re weak though.

The water warm against their skin, washing the night away. And then Chanyeol leans over to Sehun, voice still soft and sleepy as he says, “Didn’t get to taste you last night.”

It doesn’t take long before Chanyeol’s on his knees, water hitting his back as he grips Sehun’s thighs closer.

_____

Jongin is in the kitchen when they they finish getting ready. Chanyeol had turned down staying for breakfast, citing already running late for work.

He stops to talk to Jongin though, gives him a half hug.

“Haven’t seen you in forever, where have you been hiding?”

Jongin glares slightly, “Not in Sehun’s room.”

Chanyeol grins at that. “Yeah you weren’t.”

“You guys were loud.” Jongin pouts, pushing past Chanyeol into their small living room, holding delicately a mug of hot tea and a slice of toast.

Chanyeol lets out a laugh at that, and Sehun blushes recalling all the times he’d make himself scarce when Jongin had company. Jongin always texted him before bringing someone home, it was basically an unspoken rule.

But this wasn’t just someone—it was Chanyeol.

“I gotta go, but I’ll talk to you later, yeah?” Chanyeol’s hand grabs Sehun’s upper arm, squeezing gently, his eyes looking at Sehun intently.

Sehun nods quickly, “Of course.”

“Okay,” Chanyeol smiles, leans in and kisses Sehun in the corner of his mouth before he leaves, the door shutting behind him quietly.

“What is all that?” Jongin mutters. “Chanyeol?”

“What is all what?” Sehun moves into the kitchen, grabbing a mug himself and going about preparing a cup of coffee.

“Like? Isn’t he all domestic now?”

Sehun shrugs slightly. “It’s a new thing.”

“Whatever,” Jongin gives up. “Think I’m gonna head to the lib later, if you wanna join?”

Sehun thinks about the pile of homework sitting on his desk. “Yeah, that sounds good.”

_____

The next few weeks pass in absolute bliss.

In the back of his mind Sehun counts that it has been seven weeks since Junmyeon rejected him. But he’s also so wrapped up in Chanyeol that it doesn’t feel like Junmyeon’s rejected him.

Through Chanyeol he gets updates about Junmyeon—not necessarily purposefully. Junmyeon is such an integral part of Chanyeol’s life, and Chanyeol had become an integral part of Sehun’s life.

They keep having sex, and Sehun’s not sure he’d ever fit so well with someone before. Chanyeol’s sweet and responsive, and so giving.

Despite all this there’s a small nagging in the back of his head that starts growing and keeps telling Sehun that this isn’t sustainable. He wants to be with Chanyeol all the time. Chanyeol balances everything so well, but Sehun keeps wanting more and more.

He doesn’t have to remind himself that he’s not the only one, but it still hurts not knowing exactly where they’re headed. He thinks he maybe should bring it up but he’s also scared to get an unfavorable answer from Chanyeol. He’s worried though that if he waits any longer he won’t be able to move past it.

The last thing he wants to do is lose Chanyeol by moving too fast, by asking too soon. He’s just as scared of waiting too long, getting the same answer, and losing the friendship.

Sehun’s not sure if even now he would be able to just be friends with Chanyeol but he thinks maybe he has a better shot now than he would later on.

His heart reels at the thought though.

He doesn’t bring it up to any of his friends—not even to Baekhyun who had heard more than enough about Sehun’s internal struggles. He’s scared to voice it.

Sehun knows the answer. He knows that it’s Junmyeon. Junmyeon’s on board—but for how long? How long before he gets tired of sharing, before it puts a strain on his and Chanyeol’s relationship?

Sehun doesn’t want to make Chanyeol choose, and he knows Junmyeon would never make Chanyeol choose but he’s worried Chanyeol would tire of the balance.

Even though Chanyeol shows him so much love, he can’t help but think he’s secondary.

The nagging in the back of Sehun’s mind starts eating away at him. He considers maybe distancing himself from Chanyeol but he can’t. Chanyeol has Sehun wrapped around his finger, even if he doesn’t know it.

Sehun considers his problem. It all boils down to the café—where Junmyeon said no. The key is Junmyeon.

If this—the three of them, the two separate relationships—is going to work then Sehun knows he needs to fully bridge the gap that feels infinite between him and Junmyeon. Sehun’s Chanyeol and Junmyeon’s Chanyeol aren’t separate beings, they’re the same person.

And even if Junmyeon doesn’t want  _ him _ , Sehun knows the only way the ugly secondary feeling will go away is if the gap closes. If they learn to communicate as the three of them.

Sehun’s so grateful for Chanyeol. Chanyeol who loves Junmyeon. Who loves Sehun.

Sehun doesn’t want to lose him.

It’s this desire that pushes him to bring up his thoughts to Chanyeol.

Chanyeol has made it a habit to stay over a couple times a week. There’s a small pile of his clothes in a drawer and Sehun wants more. He loves these nights best, content with the domesticity of it all.

Although Chanyeol brings up Junmyeon all the time, Sehun almost never does.

“Yeollie, does Junmyeon hyung mind when you stay over?”

“Hm,” Chanyeol is still in a post-orgasm haze, eyes heavy as he struggles to stay awake. He’s curled up against Sehun’s bare chest, and Sehun’s running his fingers through his hair, his nails softly scratching the scalp.

If Chanyeol is surprised Sehun brought up Junmyeon he doesn’t show it. “He gets a little lonely, I think. But he understands.”

Sehun considers this. “I don’t like to think about Junmyeon lonely.” He thinks about where Junmyeon is right now, across town in Chanyeol and Junmyeon’s shared apartment (shared bed) alone.

“I don’t like to think about it either,” Chanyeol sighs. “I don’t like thinking about you sleeping alone either.”

Sehun hums thoughtfully. He considers making a joke about sleeping with Jongin, but doesn’t.

“Wish it could be the three of us.” Chanyeol’s words are so soft, filled with sleep that Sehun thinks he heard wrong.

“Junmyeon doesn’t want that.” Sehun murmurs, fingers drawing patterns against Chanyeol’s scalp.

“Do you want that?” Chanyeol pushes up onto his elbow, letting Sehun’s fingers drop. He looks much more awake, and Sehun is startled by the intensity of his tone, by the way Chanyeol is staring down at him.

Sehun nods once, “Yeah.” It hurts him to admit, doesn’t want to make Chanyeol feel like he’s not enough.

“I want it too.” Chanyeol flops down, tone resigned. “I think about it all the time, Sehunnie.”

“You do?”

“I miss you so much when I’m with Jun, and I miss Jun so bad when I’m with you. I love you both so much and I just… I know we’d be good.”

“I think so too.” Sehun murmurs, his fingers returning to Chanyeol’s hair. “Junmyeon doesn’t though and that’s okay. But,” he considers his words carefully. “But, I’m scared to lose you Chanyeol. I want this to work so bad, baby. So, so bad.”

“You won’t lose me,” Chanyeol murmurs into Sehun’s chest, lips pressed softly against skin. “He’ll come around.”

The words feel empty to Sehun, but he doesn’t say anything, takes them anyway.

They stay like that as they drift off, Chanyeol wrapped up in Sehun, bodies soft and yielding to each other.

_____

Chanyeol is under him, legs spread to accommodate Sehun.

Sehun’s trailing kisses down Chanyeol’s stomach, hands running up his bare thigh. He moves up, grazes a nipple, before moving further up and kissing Chanyeol.

“God, baby.” Chanyeol’s fingers wrap in Sehun’s hair. “Please, please.”

“Hm,” Sehun mumbles, pulling away.

Chanyeol looks absolutely debauched. Pupils wide, hair messy. There’s red marks all over his chest, his neck. Sehun hopes they stay.

“Please, I need you. Please.” Chanyeol’s begging, dragging Sehun’s hand to his dick. “Need you so bad.”

Sehun takes Chanyeol’s dick easily, loving the weight of it in his hand.

“Fuck,” Chanyeol arches up to him, so sensitive, as Sehun jerks him off with one hand, his other hand trailing lower, teasing. “God, please, I need you.”

“Do you wanna fuck me?” Sehun grips on to Chanyeol’s hips, pushing him down as he arches again, needy. “Can I ride you? Use you to make myself cum.”

“God, yes, please, please, please.” Chanyeol repeats like a prayer.

Sehun preps himself quickly, watching as Chanyeol watches him with half-lidded eyes. Sehun doesn’t waste time, sinks himself down on Chanyeol’s dick.

He lets out a moan as he steadies himself. Chanyeol’s so broad under him, solid as Sehun starts up a rhythm.

“You feel so good, baby.” Chanyeol mumbles, voice hoarse. He’s gripping Sehun’s hips tightly, grinding in even as Sehun keeps his rhythm.

Sehun pushes his hands away, leans down and kisses him so it’s not as mean. Grabs both of Chanyeol’s hand and moves them above his head, holds them tightly in his grip. Sehun leans over, kisses Chanyeol sloppily. “Be good.”

Sehun knows Chanyeol likes this the best, being told what to do. He’s obedient and Sehun wonders if he’s like this all the time.

“God, yes. Please.”

Sehun leans back, gets a better angle. It’s so good, Chanyeol’s dick inside of him. Sehun not bothering to lift himself, instead just grinding so Chanyeol’s dick is consistently teasing on his prostate.

It doesn’t take long for Chanyeol’s hands to be back on Sehun, fingers digging into his thighs. Sehun doesn’t bother removing his hands this time, can feel his orgasm building as Chanyeol grabs his hips, turns them so Sehun is on his back and Chanyeol is fucking into him.

It’s clear Chanyeol’s almost there, muttering words to Sehun, face hidden in Sehun’s neck. “Wanna make you feel so good, be the best just for you, baby.”

It doesn’t take long for Sehun to tip over the edge. He wraps his legs around Chanyeol, pulling him closer if possible. Wants to stay like this forever.

“I’m gonna come,” Chanyeol mutters, biting Sehun’s shoulder. It’s not delicate or soft, but Sehun likes it, runs his fingers up Chanyeol’s back. “Can I come inside you, please, please.”

Chanyeol’s losing his rhythm and Sehun grips him tighter. “Yeah, please.”

_____

“Please don’t tell him,” Junmyeon is saying, voice strict even through the speaker. “And be there on time. The whole point is to surprise him.”

“I think he’s gonna know either way,” Baekhyun points out, worrying his lip between his teeth.

Jongdae nods, realizes that Junmyeon can’t see him over the phone and says, “I won’t tell. And I’ll make sure Soo, Baek, and I are on time.” He pauses considering that statement, and then adds, “Actually, I can really only say I’ll be on time.”

“Too late,” Junmyeon cuts in. “You volunteered, so I’m gonna hold you personally responsible for Kyungsoo and Baekhyun.”

Baekhyun giggles at that, wiggling his eyebrows mischeviously.

“And Sehun can you make sure Jongin’s on time? Just drag him along if you have to.” Junmyeon says.

“Of course, hyung.” Sehun nods enthusiastically, before realizing himself Junmyeon can’t see. The nod adds to the enthusiastic tone though, so it’s alright. He’s excited for Chanyeol’s birthday, only a few days away. Chanyeol had already told Sehun they could celebrate just the two of them after, and Sehun had been racking his brain for ideas.

“I’d ask one of you to drag Yixing and Minseok but I think I’ll have to pray for those two.”

“I can remind Yixing,” Baekhyun volunteers, stuffing a carrot into his mouth.

“You’d be saving me,” Junmyeon says. “I just want Chanyeol’s birthday to be perfect for him. I know he’d appreciate having you all there even if he’s not surprised.”

“I’ll remind Minseok, hyung.” Jongdae says, smiling. “We’ll all be there don’t worry.”

“Good,” Junmyeon says, sighing softly. “Thank you guys, really. It means a lot.”

_____

Somehow Sehun manages to drag Jongin along on time, picking up Minseok before heading to the bar where Junmyeon had said he’d meet them after.

The plan is for Junmyeon and Chanyeol to get dinner first and then meet up with the rest of them for drinks as a surprise.

The bar happened to be the one with the fake reef—Chanyeol’s favorite. It was more packed than the last time Sehun had been there—it being a weekend; the music was also louder, bodies pressed against each other on the small dance floor.

Jongin pushed Sehun forward, dragging Minseok along, away from the dance floor. “Let’s find the others,” he shouted, trying his best to be heard above the music.

Kyungsoo and Jongdae are already there, Jongdae leaning against the bar trying to get the attention of the bartender. He straightens up when he sees them approach, apparently giving up momentarily.

“Hey,” Minseok greets them, clapping Kyungsoo on the shoulder once and waving at Jongdae.

Sehun greets them too, smiling as Jongdae leans forward once again trying to order drinks. “Are Baekhyun and Yixing here?”

Kyungsoo looks at Jongin before looking over at Sehun, “Not yet, Baekhyun left before us though so they should be here soon. Has Junmyeon texted you?”

“Me?” Sehun says, trying to think back to remember if Junmyeon was supposed to text him. The only communication between them after the phone call with Jongdae and Baekhyun had been a reminder that morning. (As if Sehun would forget Chanyeol’s birthday). “He hasn’t texted me.”

“He’s supposed to text me,” Jongdae turns around, a drink in hand.

“You only got your drink?” Kyungsoo says.

Jongdae’s eyes go wide, “Fuck. I’m sorry. Here.” He hands him his drink, and takes out his cell phone. “No messages from Jun, but Baek said they’d be here in five minutes, but that was about seven minutes ago so they should be here.”

Almost like a calling, Baekhyun appears, bouncing along with Yixing, and throwing himself against Jongin, pulling him down to his height.

“He had a drink at my house,” Yixing explains.

“Where’s Chanyeol?” Baekhyun asks.

“Not here yet,” Jongdae says, eyeing the drink he had handed Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo hasn’t taken a drink from it yet, holding it delicately in his hands. He must notice Jongdae eyeing it though because he hands it over.

“Let’s order drinks?” Minseok moves towards the bar and Jongin disentangles himself from Baekhyun, following.

“Can you get me a vodka lemonade?” Yixing asks, grabbing Baekhyun and moving further towards the back. “We’ll look for a table.”

“I’ll come with,” Jongdae says, taking a sip of his drink and looking at Baekhyun reproachfully. “How are you already this drunk? How much did you drink?”

“Literally only one drink,” Yixing mutters as they walk off.

Sehun moves towards the bar, ready to order drinks but Jongin pushes him away, “I got the drinks. Go sit.” The bar area is crowded so Sehun doesn’t hesitate, grabbing Kyungsoo’s arm and leading them away.

“Is Jongin mad at me?” Kyungsoo asks, his tone confused as he lets himself be led away.

Sehun looks back at Kyungsoo. To be fair he’d been too wrapped up in everything with himself to pay much attention to whatever Jongin was going through. He knew that if Jongin wanted to share something he would, it was best not to push him.

Sehun shrugs non-committedly, “I think a little, yeah.” He spots their three friends at a table and moves quicker, grips Kyungsoo tighter as he maneuvers them through people.

“Is it about not dating him?” Kyungsoo asks, resisiting a little.

Sehun pulls him with more strength, frowns back at Kyungsoo. “I mean, what else?”

Kyungsoo shrugs, loosens up so Sehun can drag him easier.

Jongdae scoots over, leaving Sehun and Kyungsoo enough room to squeeze into the booth with both of them.

“Where are your boyfriends?” Baekhyun asks Sehun, and Yixing raises an eyebrow at the question.

Before Sehun can say something, Jongdae nods, grabs his phone and says, “I think they’ll be here soon, Jun just texted they were headed this way.

Sehun settles in, ignores Baekhyun’s previous comments. Kyungsoo keeps shifting next to him and Sehun reaches over, settling a palm on his thigh to calm him.

Minseok and Jongin show up soon after, each carrying two drinks. Minseok hands Yixing his, and Jongin hands Sehun one.

He shoots a glare at Kyungsoo as he does. Kyungsoo rolls his eyes, and sits back, doesn’t say anything about his missing drink.

“We should dance!” Baekhyun says.

“We’re waiting for Chanyeol,” Jongdae points out.

“Can’t we wait on the dance floor?”

“They’re almost here,” Jongdae says.

“That’s even better!” Baekhyun says, pushing against Yixing to get out. “We’ll be right there when they walk in.”

Yixing gives in, Minseok and Jongin following after the two as Jongdae, Sehun, and Kyungsoo stay sitting. Kyungsoo moves across from them.

“Jongin’s actually mad?” Kyungsoo asks, brow furrowing.

Jongdae’s eyes grow a little wider. “Did you think Baekhyun was joking when he told you?”

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes, “I thought he was exaggerating.”

Sehun bites on his lip, doesn’t know what to say. He still isn’t sure what had happened other than what Baekhyun had mentioned. Kyungsoo’s looking at him like he might have some insight though and Sehun shakes his head a little, shrugs.

“I swear,” Jongdae shakes his head, taking a sip of his drink.

Kyungsoo sighs, gets up from where he’s sitting, “I’m gonna go get that drink.”

Sehun watches him leave and moves across the table, takes Kyungsoo’s spot. This way he has a better view of the dance floor and bar.

“How are things with you and Chanyeol?” Jongdae asks.

Sehun shrugs, doesn’t really wanna have any actual conversations about his relationship with Chanyeol tonight, “It’s good. What about you hyung? Any love on the horizon?”

Jongdae laughs, eyes scrunching, “Definitely not any time soon.”

“Really?”

“Dae! Sehunnie!” Chanyeol launches himself at Jongdae, hugging him tightly in the booth.

“Happy birthday, Chan.” Jongdae says, rubbing Chanyeol’s back.

“Sehunnie!” Chanyeol comes around and Sehun meets him halfway, half-standing, half-kneeling to be able to hug Chanyeol better. He squeezes him tightly, and Sehun feels his body melting against Chanyeol. “Missed you,” Chanyeol murmurs against Sehun’s neck.

“Happy birthday,” Sehun says, pulling away.

Chanyeol is still holding on to him, and Sehun can feel the heat rise on his face when Chanyeol leans forward and kisses him. He pulls away then, putting more distance between them and looks over at Jongdae.

“Let’s go dance! Everyone’s dancing!” Chanyeol doesn’t wait for them to answer, grabbing Sehun’s hand before intertwining their fingers together, pulling them closer.

_____

Sehun feels the alcohol coursing through him. He’s just tipsy enough that everything is funny. Doesn’t think twice about draping himself over Jongin, dancing together. He’s lost sight of Baekhyun and Minseok. Yixing and Junmyeon are at the bar, talking, still within eye sight.

Even with four drinks in him, Sehun can feel the tension between Kyungsoo and Jongin. Jongin has turned his whole body so that his back is facing away from Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo dancing between Chanyeol and Sehun.

Sehun tries to turn Jongin around, wants to see Chanyeol. Wants to tell Kyungsoo and Jongin they’re being silly, but doesn’t know how. It’s not the right time.

“Dance with me,” Chanyeol whines grabbing Sehun’s hand and pulling him away from Jongin. “It’s my birthday.”

Sehun goes easily, drapes his arms around Chanyeol’s neck.

“Thank you for coming,” Chanyeol murmurs, pulling Sehun closer.

Sehun’s aware that maybe they’re not being the most friendly, ignoring their friends by dancing this close. He also can’t be bothered to care too much, with Chanyeol so close.

It’s eerily reminiscent to the last time he went out, with Junmyeon. He shakes those thoughts from his head. This is different, this is allowed.

“Let’s get another drink?” Chanyeol asks, mouth muffled as he talks against Sehun’s hair, pulling a little away.

Sehun lets his arms drop, nods eagerly. “Yeah, another drink.”

They make their way over to the bar, Chanyeol completely disentangling himself from Sehun and launching himself on to Junmyeon, sitting on his lap. “Buy me a drink? It’s my birthday.”

Junmyeon laughs, wraps his arms around Chanyeol’s waist and Sehun stands there, feeling a bit like a fish out of water, head spinning.

“What do you want?”

“Moscow mule,” Chanyeol smiles.

Junmyeon pats Chanyeol’s leg twice, “You need to get off me so I can order.”

Chanyeol pouts at that but gets up, drapes his body over Sehun, “Sehunnie.”

“Yeollie.”

“Think I’m a little a drunk,” he giggles. “But only a little.”

Junmyeon glances back at them, a small smile on his face, “Was gulping down wine at dinner like he was dehydrated.”

“I wasn’t,” Chanyeol says.

“Were,” Junmyeon teases, turning back around to get the bartender’s attention.

Chanyeol’s a warm weight against Sehun, trying to make himself smaller.

“It’s my birthday,” Chanyeol laughs happily.

“I know baby,” Sehun says, pulling him closer.

_____

He loses track of how many drinks he’s had. Dancing happily against Chanyeol.

Chanyeol is drunk and getting progressively needier, hands wandering in ways that make Sehun flush pink.

Chanyeol’s on his back, body pressed close. His hands wrapped around Sehun’s waist. Sehun is drunk but he can feel Chanyeol’s arousal, his dick pressing against Sehun.

Sehun can also feel the way Junmyeon’s eyes are on them, lids heavy. Sehun likes it, wants it. Presses back against Chanyeol just to hear a soft sigh leave him.

Bodies are pressed against them from all sides though, caging them in and Junmyeon is right there. Sehun can feel his warmth, he wants to turn around, hide in Chanyeol’s arms. It feels like too much.

He doesn’t remember where anyone else went, it’s just them three.

Thoughts Sehun had tried so hard to bury start resurfacing, imaging the way Junmyeon had felt against him last time, how small he’d been.

Sehun feels his own arousal, turns around to hide in Chanyeol’s arms.

He knows they’re playing with fire. Knows that if he does this there’s a high chance he’ll regret it. Their relationships are so precariously balanced and Sehun is scared.

Chanyeol must have the same feelings, probably tenfold.

Sehun knows it’s a bit of everything, the way Chanyeol presses forward, moves a hand to grab Junmyeon and pulls him. Junmyeon right there, almost touching. It’s all so much, and Sehun  _ wants _ .

“Need you both so much,” Chanyeol whines, pressing his erection against Sehun. “Want you both to fuck me, please, please.”

Sehun presses forward, doesn’t know what to say as he buries his burning face in Chanyeol’s neck, presses a soft kiss where his neck and shoulder meet. Wants it too.

He doesn’t know how it happens, one moment he’s trying to calm his beating heart and the next Junmyeon is right there, caging him in, lips soft against Sehun’s ear. Sehun feels like he’s floating, the buzzing in his ears so loud he almost misses when Junmyeon speaks.

“Come home with us?”

_____

Sehun’s ears keep ringing.

He’s been in this apartment hundreds of times before, but this time is different. A bundle of nerves settling deep within his core, he feels dead sober, his body buzzing.

He doesn’t know what any of this means, can’t stop long enough to really care. Not when Chanyeol is holding on to Junmyeon the way he is, like his life depends on it. Nails digging into Junmyeon’s bare shoulder.

They’re kissing, Chanyeol splayed out on the bed, feet wrapped around Junmyeon’s waist, trying to pull him closer. At some point when they got in they undressed, Sehun remembers throwing his jacket on the couch in the living room. His pants and shirt discarded on the way.

“Chanyeol,” Junmyeon says so softly, pulling away. He’s looking down at Chanyeol with so much love and adoration, Sehun feels something swell in his chest. Junmyeon runs a hand through Chanyeol’s hair, delicately. “Tell me what you want, baby. All about you today.”

Chanyeol smiles at that, dimple on display. He looks over at Sehun, eyes shiny. “Want you both.”

“Greedy,” Junmyeon laughs, and then looks over at Sehun. His eyes warm, and scrunched into crescents. A swoop of want passes through Sehun, makes his stomach flip.

Chanyeol reaches over blindly, legs still around Junmyeon, grabbing at Sehun, slapping his thigh gently. “Come closer,” he whines.

Sehun can’t do much more than scoot closer, his own fingers reaching for Chanyeol’s hair, carding through. Chanyeol’s eyes fall close, humming as Sehun scratches his scalp gently.

Junmyeon disentangles himself from Chanyeol and Chanyeol makes a little whine in the back of his throat, eyes opening. Before he can say anything though, Junmyeon hooks his fingers on the waistband of Chanyeol’s briefs, pulling them down without hesitancy. Chanyeol’s already aroused, cock red and hard, begging for attention.

Junmyeon must have the same thought because he says, “You’re so hard.”

Chanyeol doesn’t say anything, instead grabs Sehun’s hand and tugs him down, slotting their lips together.

Chanyeol gasps and Sehun looks over at Junmyeon who has his mouth wrapped around Chanyeol.

“Baby,” Chanyeol says, voice barely above a whisper. His eyes are focused on Junmyeon, like he can’t really believe what’s going on, and his hands reach for Sehun gain. “Wanna taste you,” he mumbles.

Sehun doesn’t waste time, pulls down his boxers and throws them off the bed, grabbing his own dick and squeezing once to relieve the pressure.

Chanyeol looks so open, so relaxed with both of them here. He’s glowing and Sehun’s in love.

Chanyeol seems to have gained some composure, because he doesn’t hesitate to reach over for Sehun, jerks him off once, twice, and then finally wraps his mouth around the head. Sehun thinks he might not survive the night.

Sehun can’t stop watching both Junmyeon and Chanyeol, his eyes fleeting between the two. Chanyeol looks sinful with his mouth wrapped around Sehun’s cock, eyes closed in pure bliss.

Chanyeol lets out a low hum, when Junmyeon pulls off but doesn’t stop sucking Sehun off.

“Such a good baby,” Junmyeon murmurs, watching the two of them. Chanyeol responds by sucking harder, deeper, digging his fingers into Sehun’s thighs.

Junmyeon gets off the bed, walks closer to where Sehun and Chanyeol are and to the nightstand. “Gonna prep you, okay baby?” He runs his finger through Chanyeol’s hair, pulling a little.

Chanyeol pulls off Sehun just enough to nod eagerly, murmur a soft, “Yeah.”

Sehun loses himself in Chanyeol, tries to hold it in, doesn’t want to come so soon but he’s not sure how long he can last. Not with the way Chanyeol’s blowing him like his life depends on it, not with the way Junmyeon’s half-lidded eyes keep looking at them, drinking them both in.

Chanyeol pulls off, holding on to Sehun’s thighs hard, blunt fingernails digging in. His eyes squeeze shut, mouth falling open as Junmyeon takes him on his fingers.

“My sweet baby,” Junmyeon whispers, pressing soft kisses to the inside of Chanyeol’s thighs. “So good for us.”

Sehun feels his heart beat thump a little harder.  _ Us _ .

Chanyeol practically preens, breathing heavy. His hands are still holding on to Sehun, but he’s laying back now, too blissed out to do much of anything except hold on as Junmyeon stretches him out.

He must get impatient because he starts pushing back, holding on to Sehun for leverage. Needy.

“Baby,” Junmyeon says, straightening up. “Don’t be so greedy, take care of Sehun.”

Chanyeol’s eyes glaze over, watery. He looks up at Sehun and pouts.

Sehun has seen Chanyeol in various states of lust, but never quite like this. So pliant and easy.

Sehun can’t help it, runs his fingers down Chanyeol’s jaw, feeling his heart swell with love. “It’s okay, Yeollie.”

Chanyeol smiles at him, and looks over at Junmyeon quickly before looking up at Sehun again. His tone is soft, eager, when he says, “Want Junmyeon to fuck you too.”

Sehun swallows hard, wants that too. He looks over at Junmyeon, who is looking back at him with intent.

“Do you want that too?” Junmyeon asks, it’s so quiet Sehun thinks maybe he’s imagined it. He nods though, small, just in case.

Chanyeol grins, tugs so he and Sehun are laying side by side and kisses him hard.

Sehun feels Junmyeon reach towards him, grab his cock and jerk him off loosely. “Let me know if it hurts, yeah.”

Sehun nods, looking down at where Junmyeon is now between his legs. Chanyeol reaches towards him, kissing him once as Junmyeon outlines his rim, presses a lube-coated finger into him slowly.

“Gonna suck you off,” Chanyeol says, moving down, away from Sehun and closer to Junmyeon.

Sehun thinks he might explode with both Chanyeol and Junmyeon’s attention on him. His heart feels too big for his chest. Lets pure bliss rush over him, thinks maybe they should stay this way forever—just three beating hearts.

Chanyeol’s just as eager as before, taking Sehun as deep as he can. He’s a sharp contrast from Junmyeon, who Sehun thinks he can feel everywhere, his fingers shooting up sparks throughout his body, running through his bloodstream. His every move is calculated, fingers teasing along Sehun’s prostate, every so often more purposeful. Sehun feels like he’s melting into the sheets.

He doesn’t know how long it’s been, his orgasm has been building, just on the peripheral when he feels Junmyeon’s fingers leave him, Chanyeol sitting back up, moving away. Sehun feels unthethered, hand blindly reaching for Chanyeol.

“Is this okay?” Junmyeon asks. At some point he’s taken off his own briefs, cock now pressed up against Sehun’s entrance.

Chanyeol leans down to Sehun, kissing his cheek softly, looking at Junmyeon. Sehun nods, feels at Junmyeon presses in.

Chanyeol trails kisses down his jaw, “You’re gonna be so good for Junmyeonnie, right? Take it so well. Bet you love having his cock in your ass like this.”

Junmyeon doesn’t move, hits Chanyeol’s leg playfully. “It’s like you’re getting fucked baby.”

Chanyeol pouts and Sehun smiles, kisses the corner of Chanyeol’s mouth in reassurance. “It was hot,” he manages to say, but then Junmyeon is pulling out, thrusting back in and whatever else Sehun wanted to say leaves him.

Junmyeon’s fingers had been slow, methodical; but now Junmyeon was fucking into him hard, hitting his prostate like it was a magnet. Sehun grabs on to Chanyeol, exposing his neck as Chanyeol kisses down his jaw, down his neck.

Chanyeol’s muttering words that Sehun tries to hold on to, his head swimming. He thinks he can come like this—untouched—just with Junmyeon’s cock in him and Chanyeol’s soft words and praises.

“Love you so much. You’re so good, taking Junmyeon’s cock like it was made for you.” Chanyeol’s breathless himself. “So good just for us. So pretty, your little hole taking him in.”

Junmyeon must be spurred on by Chanyeol’s comments, leans down to kiss Sehun’s neck, biting just enough for it to hurt. “Bet you’ve wanted this for so long, huh. Bet you’ve fantasized about my cock inside you, made yourself come to this.”

It’s all too much, and Sehun feels himself losing it, his hand reaches towards Junmyeon’s back, nails digging in as he brings him closer. He kisses him hard, as his orgasm takes over him in waves.

Chanyeol’s right there, muttering sweetly things Sehun can’t make out.

Junmyeon keeps grinding in through his orgasm, and finally pulls out softly. He’s still leaning over Sehun, so close, and he plants a small kiss by Sehun’s ear. “Love you, Sehunnie.”

Sehun feels his heart beat hard in his chest, feels infinitely loved and warm with Chanyeol and Junmyeon right there. He’s tired and worn out and feels like he can sleep for twelve hours.

But there’s Chanyeol right next to him, whining. Chanyeol’s fingers are still lacing through Sehun’s hair tenderly, but he’s looking over at Junmyeon, puppy eyes on full display. “Please, Junmyeon.”

He sounds desperate, and Sehun wonders how long he’s been like that.

“What do you want baby?” Junmyeon asks, smiling knowingly down at Sehun. There’s a teasing tone to his voice. “You want me to fuck you.”

“Please,” Chanyeol breathes.

“How do you want it?” Junmyeon says, he’s smiling brightly, reaching over Sehun to bring Chanyeol closer to him, kissing him. “How do you want it, baby?”

Chanyeol makes a noise in the back of his throat, his eyes are wide, overwhelmed with the question, with the teasing.

Junmyeon laughs and pulls away, giving Sehun enough room to sit up from where he’s still laying. He moves further away, giving them enough room. Chanyeol, eyes still wide, looks between them all. Then with as much conviction as he can he turns around, presenting his ass to Junmyeon.

“Please,” he begs again. “Please, please, please.” He looks back at Junmyeon.

Junmyeon smiles, and pulls Chanyeol closer to the edge of the bed, getting a better angle. He kisses Chanyeol’s back softly and pushes in. Sehun feels his own dick twitch in curiosity, but he lays back happily, watching.

Chanyeol must have been close himself, just watching, because his head drops down to his arms and he lets out a small sigh like Junmyeon’s dick is all he’s ever wanted. He whines when Junmyeon starts fucking into him, less forceful than he had with Sehun. He fucks into Chanyeol slowly, hands dragging up and down Chanyeol’s sides, kneading his ass.

Chanyeol lets out little whines, pushing back harder on Junmyeon.

“So desperate for me, baby,” Junmyeon groans.

Chanyeol lifts himself again, and looks up at Sehun, his eyes stay on him, as he says, “Please baby, please. Want your cock in me so bad. Want to be your little slut, just for you, baby. Please come inside me, please.”

Junmyeon speeds up, meeting Chanyeol with every thrust. Chanyeol falls back on his arms, still looking over at Sehun. He keeps begging, bits of sentences escaping his lips in between moans.

Sehun knows Chanyeol’s close when Chanyeol twists, as if trying to get away from Junmyeon, and then he lets out a groan and flops down, even as Junmyeon keeps fucking into him, unrelenting.

It’s not until Chanyeol calms down, breaths slowing down and body relaxing that Junmyeon stops and starts to pull out.

“No,” Chanyeol whines. He reaches back blindly, not bothering to lift his body up but reaching for Junmyeon. “Please, please want you to come in me.”

Junmyeon doesn’t hesitate, slides back in to Chanyeol, kissing the middle of his back once tenderly before fucking in. It doesn’t take long for him to groan, pulling Chanyeol’s hair as he comes. Chanyeol reaches back with his longs, awkwardly wraps them around Junmyeon’s body, and keeps him inside. His mouth is open, chest heaving, with bliss, “Love how your come feels inside me, baby.”

It’s probably not until Junmyeon’s gone soft that Chanyeol lets his legs drop, let’s Junmyeon move away from him. Junmyeon leans over and kisses his neck, “So good for me.” Chanyeol smiles, eyes watery. Junmyeon gets up and moves towards the bathroom, away from the bed.

Sehun can see Junmyeon’s come leaking out of him, his hole still fluttering and he wishes he could taste. Instead he turns back towards Chanyeol, whose watching him with a soft smile. “Clean me up?” Chanyeol asks

Sehun nods, and Junmyeon is right there, handing him a warm cloth. Sehun cleans up Chanyeol slowly, carefully. Chanyeol returns the favor, wiping Sehun down and kissing him softly as he goes.

“I’m gonna shower,” Junmyeon says, looking at them both.

Chanyeol flops back down on the bed, “I’m tired. Sleep.” He drags Sehun down with him, pressing his back onto Sehun’s front, wrapping Sehun’s arms around his own waist.

Sehun still feels sweaty, but he’s tired enough to follow. He feels sedated, completely blissed out. It’s not long until his chest follows Chanyeol’s breathing and he falls asleep.

_____

He wakes up with a pounding headache.

Some time during the night he’d been pushed closer to the edge of the bed, his foot dangling off. There’s a thick comforter laying on top of him, Chanyeol next to him facing away.

Sehun tries not to make a noise, examines the room. Chanyeol is snoring softly next to him, arms holding Junmyeon tight, leg thrown over Junmyeon, caging him in. It’s a lot like the way Chanyeol and Sehun sleep together and Sehun feels a rush of fondness than even in sleep Chanyeol is so clingy.

Chanyeol’s still naked and Junmyeon’s wearing gray shorts he must have put on after his shower. Sehun’s naked himself, covered by the comforter, his body sore.

From his point of view on the bed, Sehun can tell his pants are near the bedroom door. He hopes his wallet and keys are still there. His cell phone is laying hapharzardly on the floor, face down, its blue phone case recognizable.

He looks over at Chanyeol and Junmyeon again. Chanyeol’s tan skin and long limbs wrapped around the hard lines of Junmyeon’s body. Junmyeon who looks so small and compact and  _ delicate _ at first glance.

Sehun swallows, looks away. It’s a little too much. Too much to think of them like this, to think of them like this when he’s not here.

The rush of last night comes back to him and his dick twitches in interest. Sehun flushes at the thought even as he can feel bile rising in his throat. He feels waves of embarrassment, of how fucking needy and emotional he’d been.

Of Junmyeon saying love you. During sex.

That thought alone is enough for Sehun, pushes the comforter off him, careful not to disturb either Junmyeon or Chanyeol. He pads slowly towards his phone, his pants, makes sure his keys are in the pocket before he steps out of the room, still naked.

His jacket is on the couch, his shirt probably lost somewhere in the apartment. He doesn’t bother to look for it, grabs the beige suede jacket and slips it on, zipping it up to his neck. It’s too thin for winter, but Sehun can’t do much else, doesn’t have any other options that would allow him to leave as soon as possible.

He slips his jeans on then, not bothering to look for his underwear either. The mortification at the thought of Junmyeon and Chanyeol finding his missing articles of clothing is almost enough to have him go back into the bedroom to look for them, but then he thinks of Chanyeol and Junmyeon wrapped up together and instead he heads towards the door. He doesn’t bother putting on his shoes there, grabs them and steps out, making sure the door will lock behind him.

He doesn’t bother with his shoes until he’s in the elevator. His phone is at fifteen percent and Sehun has just enough to call a taxi, his voice hoarse.

He doesn’t want to go home yet. Can’t face Jongin, can’t face his own apartment. Wants to hide for a bit.

He gives the taxi driver his parent’s address, settles into the backseat when it arrives, watches the way the early morning sunlight washes the streets passing by in a soft glow.

_____

Sehun’s parents are in the kitchen when he gets home. Their voices are loud and Sehun considers not saying anything and just heading upstairs.

He heads towards the kitchen instead. His mom is cutting up some fruit, and his dad is sitting at the counter. They both look up when he enters.

“Sehun!” His mom says, knife clattering on to the plate. “What are you doing here?”

“Needed a quiet place to study for a few days,” he lies, looking between them but not meeting their eyes. He forces a grins, he wonders if it’s too wide, if his parents can tell how forced it is. If they notice he’s dressed like he just came from the bar, that he’s not carrying any bags with him. “Plus, missed you guys.”

_____

Sehun is somewhere between sleep and awake when he hears his door open softly. He squeezes his eyes shut, pretends he’s asleep so his mom doesn’t bother him. He really doesn’t feel like explaining anything, just wants to lay in bed and seek comfort in the familiarity of his childhood bedroom.

His brain can’t stop thinking about last night, everything blurring together. All he can focus on is the way his heart feels like it’s trying to crawl out of his throat. Even now, his heart still hasn’t quite settled in his chest.

He feels a dip in his bed, and he squeezes his eyes tighter, body tense.

“Sehun,” there’s a hand on his shoulder.

Sehun would know that voice anywhere.

He doesn’t want to turn around.

“Sehun,” Junmyeon’s voice is clear. “I know you’re awake.”

He can’t help it, he buries his face into the pillow, letting Junmyeon’s hand drop from his shoulder.

“Your phone was off and we were worried.” Sehun doesn’t correct that it had died, that he hadn’t bothered to charge it. Junmyeon waits. Finally, he lets out a little laugh. “You weren’t too hard to find though.”

Sehun doesn’t say anything, but he flips over, peeking at Junmyeon with one eye, face still pressed against his pillow. Junmyeon’s looking around the room.

“It’s been a while since I’ve been here.” Junmyeon smiles softly, hand resting back on Sehun, rubbing his back. “I think I should apologize.”

“What? No.” Sehun shakes his head. “Jun—”

“I was unfair to you.” Junmyeon cuts Sehun off. “I think I was placing too much blame on you, and I think my stubbornness hurt you and Chanyeol both. I’m really sorry for not saying this sooner, for letting last night happen without saying this. That was cruel of me, Sehunnie.”

Sehun looks at Junmyeon. He’s looking out the window. Sehun thinks of all the times Junmyeon had been in this same room.

Sehun feels the lump in his throat rise, and the tears burning his eyes.

Junmyeon looks at him then, hands moving through Sehun’s hair softly. “Sehunnie, I’m so sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I dragged you into bed without telling you first, that was really unfair of me.”

“It’s not your fault.” Sehun murmurs, still doesn’t know what else to say. What it all means.

“No,” Junmyeon shakes his head. “It is. I was mad. I was being selfish, putting Chanyeol between us. It wasn’t fair to either of you.” Junmyeon considers him, runs a finger delicately down Sehun’s cheek. “I was scared. I am still scared—of losing you, of losing Chanyeol. But, I. I think you both deserve more from me.”

Junmyeon sighs, let’s his hands drop away. “I want to try again. If you want to. I missed you so bad Sehun, but it’s not fair for me to keep holding on to those feelings. Maybe it’s too late but if you wanna try, I want to try too. I want it to be easy, like Chanyeol said.”

“Junmyeon,” Sehun sits up. “Junmyeon.” It’s all he can muster as he wraps his arms around Junmyeon’s smaller frame.

Junmyeon squeezes Sehun’s arm, smiling softly. “I’m sorry it took so long. I’m sorry you and Chanyeol got hurt because of me. Those were never my intentions.”

“Junmyeon, sh.” Sehun holds him tighter. “There’s nothing to apologize for. It was me too. I was cowardly before, running away. I was selfish too, hiding how I felt. Thinking things could be the same as before. Thinking you’d be waiting. Thinking nothing would have changed. I want to try too.”

Junmyeon’s face lights up at that and Sehun feels his heart settle, “Let’s try.”

_____

It’s not perfect and they need to readjust.

It’s not the same as before, and it’s maybe not as easy as they’d all hope. Finding the balance between the three of them. Coming to terms with what their friendships were, re-adjusting their two separate relationships (Junmyeon and Chanyeol, Chanyeol and Sehun) to make something more balanced.

It’s still weird for Sehun to have his two boyfriends living together, he tries not to think of himself as secondary, tries not to get jealous of their domesticity. But he also tries to face his feelings head-on, voices his insecurities. But then he gets to crawl into bed between the two of them, he gets to share his love in ways he hadn’t before. Gets to see Chanyeol and Junmyeon in the mornings, grumpy and sleepy, and gets to kiss the corners of their mouths when he says goodbye.

It’s not perfect, but it works. Sehun thinks he’s never been happier, it’s everything he’s ever wanted.

**Author's Note:**

> i have a lot of thoughts on this story and on myeonsechan generally and i want to explore those dynamics a bit differently next time but i just think all three are the sweetest and even though it's a little daunting to put this out there if you actually read it thank you so, so much!!!


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